Kiss Kiss Yahtzee!

By: TGyamiBakura

Disclaimer: None. I do own Kyou Kara Maou so fuck you all. You want to sue me? Go right ahead. Yeah that's right, whatcha going to do? (WHACK!)X...okay I lied about the whole owning thing...don't sue me please!

Hey there! It's me again. I don't know what possessed me to write a story like this so I don't know how it will turn out. For some reason I started writing it and i couldn't stop. Oh and about the title...It really has nothing to do what the story's about, I just have issues. Yeah I'm sorry I'm just terrible at updating things so don't be surprised if i don't update to this one anytime soon. I'm just lazy i have no excuse.

Ch. 1 Save My World

"Oh my fucking god Yuuri I just can't take it any more! You suck so bad it makes me want to get head from Dorcas!" Wolfram was infuriated. Yuuri was bad before but this time he was intolerable. "Your never ever blowing me again you hear?"

"Well you know what? Your not even laying down. It's harder to do it on my knees! Why do we have to do it this way anyways?"

"Because it's more arousing to me,"

"Is that so? Well fuck you!" He sat down on the ground and started coloring in his coloring book. Wolfram glared evilly at him fully dressing himself. Then without announcement Conrad entered their bedroom.

"What seems to be the problem here?" Wolfram frowned at his brother.

"People that don't know how to fucking knock before they come in! You know, Conrad, I could have been ass-naked on the bed fucking Yuuri's brains out and you would have walked in," Yuuri started whistling while coloring in the octopus on one of his pages.

"Well I needed to tell you that..." He stopped abruptly to stare dumbly at the couch. Wolfram tapped his fingers on the bedside desk, growing more and more impatient by the second.

"Tell me what?" Conrad snapped back to reality.

"Tell you that I'm pregnant! Isn't it great?" A large sweat drop appeared on Wolfram's forehead.

"Are you on drugs Conrad?" Conrad shook his head.

"Nope. My baby is due on Monday."

"Monday? But you don't even look pregnant."

"Shut up! I hate the way you judge me all the time!" He ran out and slammed the door. Yuuri stood up looking angrily at Wolfram.

"Your such a bitch Wolfram. Conrad was so happy and you just smashed his hopes."

"He was saying he's pregnant! Obviously there is something wrong in his head. And look at you! You were just on the floor coloring!"

"Shut up whore and make me some breakfast!" Wolfram was red with anger...and maybe euphoria? This colorful display of out of character-ness was puzzling yet slightly arousing.

"Yuuri thats it I'm marrying that bitch but I'm shamelessly cheating on her with you!" Wolfram walked out of the room. What he said was probably not true but he couldn't think of anything else at the moment. As he reached the secret corridor he walked more carefully.

"Haha, nobody suspects me..." He pushed aside a picture and was faced by a statue of a giant bearbee. "Shit, the password. I forgot...ummm...Periwinkle?" Suddenly the air was filled with the nauseating scent of bearbee paint insinuating that the password was wrong. "Umm...OH! I got it! Nizz frizzle dizzle!" The statue magically moved out of the way granting Wolfram the passage. Wolfram chuckled to himself. "I'm so boss,"

Wolfram was greeted to a large, periwinkle themed room with large squashy couches and many many statues of bearbee's. Paintings of Yuuri and Wolfram's psychotic love (using bearbee paint of course). He went over to the middle of the room where something obnoxiously large sat on a pedestal about 4 feet high. He took off the sheet revealing a very VERY shiny golden ball with a simple button in the middle. He pulled out a small book which mysteriously said "Anisinna's black book of forbidden inventions"

"Okay," He flipped to a page in the book. "It says here that all i need to do to get this machine to give me the ability to make someone fall incessantly in love with me is to say this incantation as i press the button. Wolfram closed the book and set it off to the side looking determined. He was very...well incredibly nervous, but he knew that the only way to make Yuuri fall in love with him completely without having anymore impure intentions was by brute force...well at least that was what his mother said.

"Okay here it goes," He gulped and placed his finger on the button. The rest of his future was depending on this very moment. He took a deep breath and pushed with all his might. Suddenly he was blinded by the most brilliant light he'd ever seen. It was a good thing he memorized the incantation. It was in a language that Wolfram had never heard before.

"Boku wa motomeru aisuru na!" Wolfram shut his eyes as the thing started glowing red. His hair blew uncontrollably by the mysterious wind that filled the room. He did everything in the strength he had not to let go. Then as quickly as it happened, it all stopped. Wolfram stood there astounded and when everything calmed down he felt his body.

"Hmm...I don't feel any different." He frowned and chucked the book at the golden ball. "What a fucking rip-off."

"Hey Wolfram? Can I borrow your colors? Mine all broke..." Yuuri's face fell to a very crushed look. Wolfram walked into the room.

"Yuuri...I already gave you my color crayons. If you broke them that's your pro...((Oo0...Eh?" Yuuri was very busy coloring on a very large hexagonal shaped titanium object that seemed to have crash landed in the middle of the room. "W...What the hell...?" Yuuri smiled at his fiancee.

"Isn't it pretty Wolfram? It looks like something I saw on television once," He hugged it gently and pressed his ear against the cold metal surface. "What's that? Your happy to meet Wolfram? He's my fiancee and I love him very much...but watch out because he can be an insufferable bitch at times,"

"Fuck you Yuuri!"

"It's okay, his anger won't last long...shh calm down," Wolfram tried very hard to ignore the fact that Yuuri was talking to a inanimate object. Speaking of the inanimate object...

"What the fuck is this thing and what is it doing in our bedroom?" Yuuri stood back and examined it.

"Well...it looks very much like a giant coffee can...a very odd shaped coffee can, but it's definitely something I've seen before in my world." Wolfram nodded.

"A 'coffee can' you say? Well whatever it is, what does it want with our bedroom?"

"Well I don't know what this wants but the Mexicans that came out of it wanted to meet our leader. I tried to tell them that we don't sell coffee here but they didn't understand me. I guess my Espanol isn't very good huh?" Wolfram ignored that last part.

"People...came out of it you say?" Wolfram couldn't help but think that Yuuri was missing something. "Wh...Where are they now?"

"Oh, I told them to go wait in the sitting room. I was sort of weary about that. It looked as if they had a rare skin disease or something..." Wolfram grabbed Yuuri's hand and pulled him forcefully to the said room.

"Geeze Wolfram I thought you were only this forceful in bed!" Wolfram stopped to glare at him.

"You should have went for help you idiot! What if they're enemies and wanted to hurt you. You're unarmed and nobody was around!"

"Well excuse me, Ms. La-de-dah, I was just trying to be friendly!" Wolfram pushed him against the wall and kissed him, making Yuuri blush a furious shade of red. Wolfram broke it slowly.

"I know, that's why I worry you wimp," Yuuri couldn't keep his heart from racing. He watched as Wolfram slowly opened the door revealing four...very green looking Mexicans.

"Who are you people and why did you come here," said Wolfram boldly. The first one which was bald and had large black beady eyes stood up and spoke with a mechanical voice

"We are looking for the leader of Shin Makoku,"

"Tell me why you are here and your business with our King,"

"We are beings from the planet Zorgon. Our world is currently under a universal attack. We've come seeking your assistance and join us in an unbeatable alliance." Wolfram looked astounded, ditto for Yuuri.

"Earth is under an attack?" The strange Mexican shook his head.

"We are not of Earth. Did I not just say that we are from the planet Zorgon?" Yuuri and Wolfram didn't hear because they were too busy whispering amongst themselves.

"Oh my god Wolfram! My planet is under attack from aliens! What should we do?"

"There's only one thing we can do. We must join these people and protect it with all of our might!" Yuuri nodded. The green Mexican looked at them annoyed.

"Are you even listening to me...!"

"HAI! Gather the troops Wolfram! Time to save my planet!" Wolfram nodded and took off. "You Mexicans!" The four sitting on couches pointed at themselves confusedly. "We agree to help you in your mission. From now on we are all brothers! Race doesn't matter anymore! It's about saving our home!" One of the other green people whispered to another.

"Is he really from Zorgon?" The other shook his head. The leader sighed

"So does that mean that you will help us then?" Yuuri nodded.

"Yes. I have family on Earth and I must save them at all costs. As king this is my duty!"

"But Earth isn't under an attack, its Zorgo..."

"Enough! Time is money! We must get going!" Wolfram came back with Conrad, Gunter, and Gwendal, all gasping from running so fast. "Okay my fellow friends! Start up your magical coffee can and lets get going," Yuuri stopped to notice a certain ginger haired girl pulling at his black pant leg.

"Papa, where are you going?" Yuuri went down on his knees and hugged his daughter tightly.

"Greta, I have to go save mankind. But don't worry, I'll be back. You watch the kingdom while me and Papa Wolfram are away okay? I love you very much,"

"But papa on such short notice?" One of the green men went up to his leader and whispered.

"Is it okay to deceive him like this, Gaion?" Gaion nodded his head.

"If he's helping us, then I don't see a problem with it. Let this idiot believe his own dillusions a little while longer. It saves us the hassle of trying to negotiate."

"...Okay, we'll see you soon Greta," said Wolfram, kissing her forehead. "Be a good girl okay?" Greta nodded. "Alright, let's go,"

"No...umm Wolfram, all the dice have to be the same number to have a Yahtzee,"

"Fuck that, I want tongue bitch!" Yuuri and Wolfram spent the entire time playing Kiss Kiss Yahtzee. The rules were the same except that every time you got a Yahtzee you had to kiss the person on your right...and since Wolfram refused to play with anyone else the only other person to kiss was Yuuri.

Yuuri smiled. "Your such a sore loser..." He put his lips on Wolfram's and entered them with his tongue. Wolfram pulled him closer. Maybe Yuuri wasn't very good at blow jobs...or sex for that matter but he did know how to kiss. "Alright Wolfram, my turn...UMF" He was now pushed down on the seat being molested by Wolfram. Gwendal stood up from his seat.

"There is no groping in Kiss Kiss Yahtzee! Keep it PG please!" Conrad smiled...looking up from his umm...knitting.

"Why don't you try to enjoy the view?" He looked out into the black, starry abyss that was the universe. It was spectacular. Yuuri finally managed to push Wolfram off of him and looked at one of the 'Mexicans'

"Umm...sumimas...I mean Ola...what brand of coffee do you sell anyways." The green man looked up and sweat dropped, remembering what Gaion told him.

"Umm...brand?" Yuuri nodded.

"You know, like Folgers, or Boca Java or something?" the man pulled at his collar not sure how to respond.

"Umm...it's a...uh toxi..fornicus brand?" Yuuri paused for a very long and awkward time and then nodded.

"Of course! Keep up the good work!" Yuuri gave him the "thumbs up" and the other nervously returned it. This was going to be a long...LONG battle.

End Ch. 1

TG: Oo0 Okay that was pretty weird...I don't understand myself anymore. Where do these strange ideas come from? Well you can expect another chapter because i have plenty ideas. More about Conrad and his supposed pregnancy...umm Yuuri's utter stupidity, Wolframs unnaturally large Lolita complex. And Gwendals BIG secret. PLEASE R&R. You people inspire me. And ideas ARE welcome. The more ideas I get the faster chapters come. Flames welcome too. I really don't care. And I know this isn't a Yu-Gi-Oh! Fanfiction but it'd be fun to hear about ways to murder Anzu (Tea depending on if you watch the dub) I'll list you and all of your Anzu-killing suggestions and have a contest on which is the best one.