Disclaimer: I sadly own nothing.
Title: Only the Heart Understands.
A/N: This is in Reba's point of view. It's a one shot. I love writing these stories, but sometimes I get so sad to think that the show is over. It hurts me deeply. Please read and review, I'll love you forever.
Love
is a language spoken by everyone,
but understood only by a heart.
- Somebody
I thought I knew him. We've been married for twenty years. Twenty years of what I thought were filled with content and affectionate moments. We have three beautiful children together. From the moment I looked into his eyes at Terry's bar, I knew he was the one, the one I would spend the rest of my life with, until my time was done. Where did things start to go wrong? Was I not good enough? Was I a bad mother. Is that why he said we needed some time a part? I haven't let myself go. Have I? Am I so stupid, that I drove the only man who meant most to me in life away because of my own self-interests?
These questions worry me. I'm afraid I won't be able to move on. I'm afraid that he might decide we need more than just time a part...No.That won't happen, he loves me. Right? Of course he loves me. We're just going through some hard times. Every marriage does. Am I the only one who's working on this marriage? Does he still think this marriage is worth saving? What am I saying? Of course he does. Does he?
I was once able to interpret him, as if he were a book. I used to know what he was thinking, or what he was going to say next. Not anymore, I don't know what he thinks. I don't know how he feels. Separated for three months now. It's astounding how fast time flies. Seems like just yesterday we were reciting our vows to each other. Together till' death do us part? I hope so.
It's true what they say, the grass is greener on the other side. Especially when it's missing the water, as if you're missing your love. I haven't seen him in forever. I yearn for him, I'm not going to lie. I miss his touch, the way he held me ever so gently at night. I brought the kids over to his condo every other weekend. We hardly ever came in contact. We shared only a couple of words and looks. It was kind of like that country song:
Every
Other Friday
It's toys and clothes and backpacks
Is everybody
in?
Ok lets go see dad
Same time in the same spot
Corner
of the same old parking lot
Half the hugs and kisses
There
are always sad
We trade a couple words and looks and kids again
Every Other Weekend
I love him. I've never really stopped. You can't stop loving some one after so many years. But I can't tell him that. Only my heart understands.I have to be strong. Not only for our sake, but for the kids. They can't see break down anymore than I did. But how long until I just cant go on and the urge to break loose is just too strong? Another country song comes to mind:
How
long until you just cant go on
And the urge to break loose is just
too strong
You should let go that's what you want to do
Oh
but you don't know, you don't know
If its the right thing to
do
What if he wants to let go? What if he wants to leave, but I'm holding him back? I can't live with that conscience. It hurts me to even think like that. I'm starting to regret asking him to leave. What if he decides to find comfort some where else? Some where, where she makes him feel needed. He wouldn't fling away our marriage, would he?
I took the kids to see him today. At his office. He wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me. I didn't even want to stop the car. I just wanted to drop the kids off and leave. But Cheyenne, told me it was best to face my problem. He was my problem. Not in a bad way, though. She said and I quote: "Mom, you and Dad love each other, and you'll never get through this if you never face each other." Does he really still love me? I assume she's right. I mean, after all she is familiar with a lot of these 'relationship issues'. So I walked in.
There she was. Who? Barbara Jean. Lord, someone help that woman. What if somebody already is? What if it's Brock? She has had a crush on him, for some time now. Since I hired her. Maybe that's where things went wrong. When I stopped working for Brock.
She greeted me, ever so perky and nearly hugged my kids to death. Who did she think she was? Their mother? I was going to leave, when I heard his voice. His voice made me stop dead in my tracks. I didn't move. I just continued to stand there. We looked at each other, and shared some glances. Nothing more, than the last time, so I said goodbye to my kids, and I started to walk away towards the elevator. I heard a voice call out to me. "Reba…" a familiar male voice alleged. It was him.
I turned around. "Can I talk to you?" he asked me. What was there left to say? What could he say, that would alter things for us?Nothing. "No." I snapped back. "You hurt me." I simply stated. I hadn't slept for nights. Since the day he left, and I was going to make him acknowledge it. Now. "You can't even imagine how badly I've felt since you left me!" I screamed.
He looked at me with such pain in his eyes. "Reba…please, I need to talk to you about something important."
"What is it Brock?" I continued to snap back in my attitude. I didn't want to pay attention to anything he wanted to say. But my heart tugged at my chest. It spoke yes. It was able to control the opposite thoughts of my mind.
"I know it's been hard on you. But this hasn't been easy on my part either." he spoke to me amiably. "I'm trying to work this out. The couple's therapy, the separation, I'm trying to make this better for us." he whispered to me.
"I still love you." I whispered. He heard me because the moment, I recited those words he gazed into my eyes. He didn't utter a word. Is it because he doesn't love me anymore? What do you say in a moment like this? I can't help but think he doesn't love me. I'm starting to regret letting loose my emotions. I can no longer look into his eyes. My mind starts to go crazy. I can't help but do the one thing, that I can do. I run away.
I ran as far as I could. I heard his voice as a mere whisper. I didn't look back, I continued to run. I sprinted to where my car was. I tried to hold back my tears. I wasn't going to cry. It was ineffective. I felt water dispense down my cheeks, as my vision became hazy with each tear that fell. I continued to shed tears, as I crossed my arms and put my head down on the car door.
Shortly after, I felt a pair of strong hands on my shoulders. I looked into the window to see his complexion. It was him, Brock. I tried to pull away from his grip but he held onto me tighter as I screamed for him to let go. My voice could not produce other words. I hit his chest as I broke down to cry harder, I realized I was too weak. I let myself go, as I cried into his chest. He drew me close into his embrace.
I looked up at him, and I tried to articulate. But he silenced me, by putting a finger to my lips. He told me to take note of what he was going to say. "Reba…" he began as I felt a hundred pound weight being dropped onto my chest. "What I meant back there was, I want you to take me back. I want to come back home. Home to where I want you and I to grow old together as we watch our kids grow." he looked into my eyes and he held up my chin and recited the words I thought I would never hear from him. "I still love you too."
He drew closer to me, as he rested his lips upon mine. For the first time in three months. He kissed me so passionately, and I responded. I responded to something that I yearned for months. I granted access to his tongue that was seeking permission into my mouth, and he leaned me against the car and he continued to kiss me. Millions of emotions were running through my head. Mixes of old and new emotions. I felt sparks, ones I could only feel with him, as I wrapped my arms around his neck and drew him closer to my body. This was the moment that would change everything for us. This was the day where the grass would be greener on our side, where the full moon would shine so bright. This was the night of discovery, and a night of recovery of all the pain we both went through. This was the night where we became one, once again. The truth is that only the heart understands.Your mind may tell you what to do, but it is in your heart where the truth lies.
