What the Hell Kind of Gameshow is This?

Author: Cadet

Rating: PG-13 (for upcoming language)

Genre: Humor

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Paramount owns Enterprise. Not me. If I did, Reed would spend every episode in decon!

What the Hell Kind of Gameshow is This?

Chapter 1: Introductions

On a large stage, Archer stands behind a podium. To his right are Trip, Hoshi, and T'Pol. To his left is Reed, Phlox, and Mayweather.

Archer: "Welcome to 'What the Hell Kind of Gameshow is This?', the show where I ask Enterprise crewmembers whatever is on the cue cards and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are like Maywhatshisname's lines-they don't matter.* Let's get started." "On my right, for team 'My Phase Pistol is Bigger Than Yours' is Commander Tucker, the man who will knock up anything that vibrates."

Trip: "You should've seen me last night with the warp coil."

Archer (shudders): "Moving on. Next is Ensign Sato, the only person on the ship who is afraid of the warp engine."

Hoshi (defensively): "What?! It makes loud noises sometimes!"

Archer: "Right. Also, we have everybody's favorite Vulcan, Subcommander T'Pol!"

Trip (leering): "Gimme five minutes with her."

T'Pol: "May I remind you Commander, that Vulcans only mate once every seven years."

Trip: "That's what they want you to think."

Archer: "And for team 'We Have Less Combined Lines Than Porthos' is Lieutenant Reed, the man everyone is convinced is in the closet, but just whose closet still remains a mystery."

Reed (who is busy stroking his phase pistol) (A/N: Get your minds out of the gutter people! I know what you're thinking! I'm talking about a real gun here! Jeez!): "Huh?.. What?. err.bang boom bang!"

Archer (whose brows are furrowing deep into the abyss of his forehead): "Okaay. Next we have Dr. Phlox, who I've been creeped out by ever since. well since. "And last and least is.um.wait.who are you again?"

Mayweather (rolls his eyes, this has obviously happened many times before): "Ensign Mayweather!"

Archer: "Ensign Mayflower?"

Mayweather: "Mayweather!"

Archer: "Mayfeather?"

Mayweather: "MAYWEATHER!!! M-A-Y-W-E-A-T-H-E-R!!"

Archer: "Oh. Ensign Mayweather. (pauses) Am I supposed to know you?"

Mayweather: "You don't remember me?! I fly the freakin' ship!"

Archer: "Really? I always thought that was Sato's job."

Mayweather (on the verge of tears): "You see this?! I don't get no respect! The dog is more important than me!"

Archer (thinks): "Yeah, he is."

TBC. and there will actually be questions asked in the next chapter!

Sorry people about leaving ya on a limb.I know I'm evil. I'll try to post the next part be the end of this week.

* The line 'points don't matter' came from the hilarious show 'Whose Line is it Anyway' owned by ABC. Not me. PLEASE REVIEW! It's my first story!!! Reviews do the body good!