Disclaimer: I do not own KHR or any of its characters.
Dream as if you will live forever
Live as if you will die today
James Dean
I hadn't really seen much of the world before we came to Japan. I travelled to countless places when working for the Varia of course, but mostly it was in and out; with no other souvenirs than the body count.
You don't talk to people, you don't let them see you- just do what you do best. Unlike my dear big brother, I can in fact behave like a good employee and follow that rule. This is probably the reason why Xanxus tend to be less prone to throw glassware and food at my head, and chooses to terrorize Squalo instead. People usually comment on our personalities differing, but that we still look so alike. Maybe we do? I often find myself looking at myself in the mirror, at my light hair and my features, probably too sharp for a girl to be considered cute. A few boys had told me they found me attractive, "sweet behind that frown", but I couldn't care less. I didn't have time for nonsense. Sooner or later they saw the mafia girl that I really was, and they usually didn't find me sweet at all after that; just cold and harsh.
It had been an easy choice for me to join the Varia since my only kin was with them all the time. I was a bit too young to remember much about the fight he had with the Sword Emperor or the Crib affair since I was only seven at the time. But I remember being so proud that my brother was the strongest person in the whole world… it was then that I decided to be just as strong.
Already during the flight to Japan, you could feel the tension. Apparently this wasn't just another reconnaissance mission like the ones I regularly had. I always did them alone just like Xanxus and his Guardians did missions without me. I would often be stationed at home base with a few others, in order to keep things running while he was away on business. No one really dared to enlighten him of the fact that things were actually running smoother when he wasn't home, running amok in our hallways… but I wasn't the only one on a move, dozens of people had been ordered to gather for the upcoming battle. Probably to act as backup, although Xanxus would never admit they might need one.
Still… why did we have to go all the way to some noodle land to beat the crap out of some kids?
In time for the fourth battle, the between the Guardians of Rain, Xanxus had approved for me to participate as a spectator, instead of staying a few blocks away. He was of course not trying to be nice and let me watch my brother fight, I was merely practical to have more people there since he – and I quote- "didn't have time to babysit the trash himself".
When I asked him why a fifteen year old would be qualified to babysit grown up men he just threw a far too expensive Margaux at my head and stomped out.
That stupid boss could actually be human sometimes.
Since this was the first glimpse I would get out of our opponents, I didn't know what to expect. But it sure as Hell wasn't this.
A complete idiot of a short stack.
Some guy with serious issues when it came to manliness.
Shamal's adept (I think it was the Hurricane Bomber, but it was hard to see behind all the bandages)…
Some other uninteresting people.
And then there was that guy.
I had never seen someone smile so brightly before a battle.
Brother smiles, but more in a smug way because he knows that he is going to win. Xanxus looks less angry than the rest of the time, but he doesn't smile, no matter how much he enjoys killing things. Bel… well he is a complete psychopath, so what do you expect?
But I have never seen anyone smile like that; so innocently or so… sweet. I kind of wanted to hit him. Who treats this like a game, like this isn't serious or life threatening? Then again, all of them were immature. Most of them had probably never seen real hardships or the ugly side of mankind. I know I might sound like a hypocrite now, being young myself, but it's the principle that matters. They're all kids, and they should stay in and do their homework, not try to play mafia.
And then they started doing some charade about cheering each other on. How very unoriginal. Bloody kids, this isn't some summer camp you know, and-
"Oi." My inner monologue was rudely interrupted by Leviathan, the one guy among us that I was actually certain had too few chromosomes.
"What?"
"Quit spacing out. You're gonna make Boss look bad if you stand there like an idiot."
"Now it takes one to know one, huh?"
"Damnit woman, I'm gonna-"
"VOOOIIIII! Just shut up and watch me beat the shit out of this scum, hahahaha!" with that, Squalo turned around and followed the kid into the battling area…
"Levi?"
"…"
"Levi."
"…"
"Oh for fuck's sake Levi this is important, stop being so unprofessional, Xanxus would be so disappo-"
"What is it!?"
"Why don't we have a circle?" I pouted a bit but tried to look as if I hadn't just asked something completely stupid.
Levi just walked away and stood next to Bel for about five minutes, until a knife mysteriously was etched into his left arm and a familiar ushishishi was heard. But I still wanted to have a circle too.
... ... ... ... ... ...
No one else seemed to notice that the Varia had been joined by another member that night. I didn't pay much attention to it either; the match was first priority. No matter what people think of me, I know when it's serious.
The last thing I saw before I went in was that girl's face, and something disturbed me. But I couldn't put my finger on it.
We had lost all the rings except Senpai's and we had to win this one. I had to win this one. Still, when I joined my friends after the fight, the one I had won, I couldn't focus on what they were saying.
I searched for her face again, and I wasn't surprised to see her standing a few feet away from the rest of the Varia, but the look on her face was too sad. I knew they lost but still, it wasn't over and her comrades, her nakama, were as unfazed by Squalo dying as when they shot one of their own in the first fight. She seemed so misplaced among them .
I hadn't noticed how similar they were until then. I almost slapped myself for not noticing it earlier- they had the same hair, even if hers was much shorter. The same eyes, and apparently the way they moved. Fighting Squalo let me see the slight change in her stance and made it possible for me to block the kick that was aimed at my stomach, but I didn't have the slightest chance to block the punch she threw at my face, not when she was so fast. I was still in a bit of a daze, and she managed to knock me off my feet and she loomed over me as I was on the ground, the wind knocked out of my lungs.
I could hear Gokudera shouting something obscene, and Tsuna was probably panicking. Hopefully he didn't have a heart-attack.
"You bastard… you killed…"
She was speaking to me in Italian, and of course I couldn't get a thing she was saying. But I wasn't so clueless that I didn't get that she had been close to the man that just died and that she clearly thought it was my fault.
Well it was true, wasn't it?
I'm so sorry.
... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Brother doesn't lose. He just doesn't.
For all I care, he's invincible.
And yet this- this kid that's not even older than me just waltz in like he's playing a fucking video game and beats him. And the pride of a swordsman hindered my brother from coming back to us.
I know that it wasn't the kid's fault that my brother chose to die, but I didn't know what to do with my anger. And punching him felt so good. The sick side that made me Varia quality relished in my chance at a gruesome revenge… until he started speaking to me in a voice that was far too calm and far too accepting.
I didn't know what it meant. I hadn't exactly had time to learn any Japanese, and I didn't think I would need it. We weren't really here for sightseeing or anything.
Yet, I couldn't bring myself to hurt him when he spoke. He seemed a little surprised himself. Like he had just been thinking out loud. I stared at him, unable to move. It felt like too much time had passed before I heard the distinct laugh of Xanxus, but it brought me out of this trance and I quickly got up from the ground and away from the dark haired boy. He sat up but stayed in the same spot, his eyes still not releasing mine. He just repeated that same word again.
It didn't matter that he spoke in a fucked up noodle-language, because the point got through. He felt just as shitty as I did, but I couldn't stand to hear him apologize one more time. It wasn't as if anything would change.
"Hey, mini-shark!" I didn't respond at the taunting nickname, but I turned and looked at Boss, waiting for him to go on.
"Stop embarrassing yourself. The trash would've become fish food whether the brat killed him or I did it. You don't lose and get to see another sunrise."
"Fucking boss." Stop acting so tough, like you know shit.
"Hahaha, you're a good substitute though!" He got up and walked away, closely followed by Levi and the others. His posture was just a little bit off.
Only a couple more days and I could go back home.
