It was a gray, chilly day in Halloween Town, much like every other. A certain Jack Skellington paced the graveyard he liked to call his own, glaring at each headstone in turn, as though they had all done him a great personal wrong.
He was expected to be making plans for next Halloween, which was only 259 days away. The air had grown thick with tension; how long was he planning to take?!
But whilst it was gray and chilly in Halloween Town, it was bright, sunny and humid in Spokane, Washington. Three young women, Lasha, Alex and Erin, moped the streets and shook their fists at the younger generation. They were headed towards a large area of trees, on the very edge of Spokane.
They didn't know why they were going there, possibly to get away from pedophiles, prostitutes and pole-dancers they believed to be stalking them.
As they drew nearer the trees, they saw a strange golden object floating just in front of a tree trunk. A few steps more, and they saw this to be the handle of a door lodged into the tree, shaped like a turkey.
They stopped in this circle of trees and looked at each one in awe. A turkey, an easter-egg, a clover, a Jack'o'lantern, a heart and a Christmas tree.
Each door seemed to be connected with some sort of holiday.
"Do you think they actually go anywhere, or they're not real?" Erin pondered.
"Not sure."
Silence.
"Well...the Jack'o'lantern looks pretty cool..."
"It does." Alex withdrew her beautiful corn snake, Sin, from her pocket, where she had been snoozing peacefully.
"Lasha, you try it."
"Why me?!"
"You have the blood of an innocent! If you go in, we can be princesses!" Alex cried, referring to Pan's Labyrinth.
"B-but the grapes..."
"Yeah, only two...but you're going first." Alex pushed her forward.
Lasha whined all the way there, and in the end didn't go for the Jack'o'lantern door anyway.
"Lasha! What in the name of the poser-hippies are you DOING?!"
"I like this one better. It reminds me of the few moments of my childhood that were pleasant."
"LASHA! NO!" Erin cried, throwing her arms out to try and pull Lasha away.
"SANTA lives wherever Christmas is! HE'LL RAPE YOU!" Alex screamed, clinging to Sin as though he was a life raft. She was, of course, referring to a member of Lasha's fanclub, who had been stalking her and demanding for quite questionable things, all under the name "Sandy Claws38".
"OH GOD." Lasha cried, her face twisting into torment and incomprehensible pain. She ran for the right door this time, and wrenched it open.
The air grew cool and a slight mist filled the silent trees. Each girl blinked (including Sin) and when their eyes opened they found themselves atop a gray, etched hill. Looking down, Alex saw a graveyard with an old, rusting gate of wrought iron. Lasha saw the tip of the hill curled inwards. Erin saw a skeleton moving through the headstones.
D-Dude…" Alex gasped, looking around clutching Sin to her, restraining the squirming serpent. "Erin, Lasha! Everything is pinstripey!!!!"
There is a curling hill… over yonder…" Lasha chimed in cheerfully, gazing at the moon with wide eyes.
"There's a tall skelly guy thataway…" Erin giggled, at her new
word, Skelly…
Poor Sin, unable to speak or do much of anything except wiggle, just poked her tongue out, tasting the air. Erin sighed, Alex giggled, and Lasha cooed.
And Sin was absolutely right. Everything was amazingly awesome.
No Poser Hippies here, they all thought. No Pole-Dancers… (Alex gave Lasha a suspicious look), No Santa's (Erin cheered), and no I-am-for-the-Lasha fan members (Lasha nearly wept).
It was perfect.
"Erin, Hold Sin a moment!!!" cried Alex, Shoving the squirming snake into the delighted Erin's hands and began to search her large purse for anything edible. Of course, world crossing was a tiring thing, and it was only natural that the three girls would be starving.
"Goddamn Poser hippies!" Alex cursed, finding only a disgusting Apple-flavored jolly rancher. She repeated her findings. Lasha giggled at the word apple, and Alex began to snicker, Erin was still cooing and gasping over the adorable snakeling.
"Erin, I thing your magenta llama ate our food." Lasha sighed deeply, fiddling with the ties on her corset.
Erin gasped and hugged the small snake in horror. "N-No... Magenta Llama wouldn't do that…" Everyone shared a look. Though they could spend days denying it, that blasted wrongly colored pack animal had eaten their fudge, brownies, and other assorted chocolate products.
They stood in silence a moment, Alex examining the pinstriped ground, Lasha staring at the moon with a fascinated joy, and Erin eyed that Skelly guy, who didn't really seem to see them yet, so lost in thought as he paced through the tombstones.
Suddenly, Alex gasped loudly, looking terrified.
W-where's Sin?!?!" She cried, looking around her for the bright white and salmon colored snake.
"I gave her back to you!!!" Erin howled in distress, trying to throw the blame from her.
"I didn't do it." Lasha said simply, but looked very worried as well.
"SIN!! SIIIIIIIN! WHERE ARE YOU, MY DARLING SNAKE!!! COME BACK!!!"
Alex sobbed, standing up and trying to search the ground. You would think it be easy, spotting a bright colored slithering serpent on the black, pinstripe ground, but it was downright impossible. Just like trying to find a needle in a haystack, really. And the small snake, although quite long, was only a baby, and very skinny…
"Alex! I cant find her!!!" Erin wailed, sinking to the ground and huddling into herself, rocking gently and being no help at all.
"Nor can I, Baka-san! She had disappeared from the world!!! A-And you know who took her???" Lasha sniffled pathetically.
"I-am-for-the-Lash?" Alex trembled, hoping it wasn't so. Her darling little snake, her precious baby…
"N-No…"
"Raoul…?"
"No, he's still on the roof…"
"Eeeeuuugh…?" Erin croaked out through tears.
"No, Erin, Not god…. It was…. The Wookies!!!!" Lasha had paused dramatically.
Erin and Alex gasped, looking equally stricken with this declaration. Erin looked to the sky with hate in her eyes, raising her fist and shaking it angrily. Alex too looked at the sky with rage, but she began shouting instead.
"DAMN YOU WOOKIES!!!!! DAAAAAAAMN YOU!!!!!"
"Calm down, Alex, We must get a plan of action!!! Erin! You search thataway, Alex, You to the Spiral Hill, and I'll look by the gravestones…"
Lasha said, planning this carefully Alex and Erin saluted her and set off for their chosen destinations. Alex began to claw her way up the side of the hill, wailing for her pet as she did so.
Lasha crawled along the ground, peeking around tombstones and looking in the overgrown brush. Erin had slightly more luck, however. She fixed her eyes on the Skelly guy, and made her way towards him, her eyes steely, and her mind determined.
She reached him and immediately ran away again, not in terror as such, but in pure and unadultered adoration. She ran to Alex, who had slid back down the side of the hill a third time, and wailed, "I CAN'T FIND SIIIIIIN!!!!"
Lasha toddled back towards them. "I checked all the graves, and even dug a small hole and spun around on the spot! NOTHING!"
Alex cried out, her wail turning into an oddly strange sort of gurgle. Meanwhile, off in the distance, Jack noticed two figures running around and around the Spiral Hill, and shook his head. "Bloody tourists!"
He heard a sharp intake of breath behind him, and swivelled quickly. He saw another dark figure running off, arms flailing in the air.
Shaking his head, a flash of color caught his eye. He looked down sharply and saw a long, thin snake slithering across his boot. He bent down and picked it up, where it squirmed. Jack had never seen such beautiful colors, except in Christmas Town.
"MY SNAKEEEEEEEEY! WHERE ART THOU?!?!?" A female voice called, one which he took to be one of the dark figures. The snake squirmed, longing to slither back to its owner.
"SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN?!?!??!" The snake squirmed again,
and Jack sighed, not wanting to have to do what he did. He pocketed the snake and walked down the path, whistling.
"OI, YOU!" He turned, and saw a faint glimmer of a shining necklace before he was wrestled to the ground and the snake taken back out of his pocket.
"YOU KNIVING, SON OF A BITCH!!!"
It was the female voice that had been calling for Sin. She glared angrily at Jack and hugged the colourful serpent.
"I FOUND HIM, LASHA AND ERIN!!!!! THIS...THIS ABSOLUTE POSER HIPPIE STOLE HIM!!!"
The two other figured cheered and skipped over to where Jack lay with this strange human atop him. If bones could blush...
"OH MY GOD!" One of them shrieked.
"You make me sick." Said the other, and slapped him several times on the cheeks before hauling the human off him.
"I...was just trying to find its owner!"
"LIAR! THIEF! BLOOD-TRAITOR! SHAM! SMUT! BASTARD! F-"
"Aaaaaalex? Can I talk to you and Sin and Lasha for a sec?"
"Fiiiiine. But if this WOOKIE LOVER tries to escape, THERE WILL BE ALL HELL TO PAY!!!"
"Okay, I'll be frank about this", Erin said abruptly, after Lasha commented that she would sound like Umbridge, if she kept 'hem hemm'ing like that.
"You know that Skelly guy there?"
All four of them turned around and stared at the Skeleton man, who was picking himself off the ground. Seeing the emotionless faces staring at him, he wisely didn't get up, and remained on the ground. It was a smart move on his part; too, Alex's stance was that of a mother bear, ready to tackle him if he escaped. Lasha looked ready to back up any murder that may occur, and say that it was self-defense.
Yeah… yeah I see that goddamn thing that poses hippies!!!"
"Errm…. Yeah, well… Listen…" Erin paused, then turned to Jack once more.
"Plug your ears!!!"
Jack looked up at the somewhat normal girl (Oh how first impressions can be wrong!)
"I.. I don't have any ears to plug…"
Erin gave a slightly surprised look…
"Then how can you h-… Never mind, just don't listen…" She turned
back to her friends and the snakeling.
"Okay, Alex, Lasha, Sin… That tall guy there… I like him. I think he's hot. I want him."
There was really no other way she could have said it, so there was no point beating around the bush.
Lasha and Alex gasped, and Sin merely flicker her tongue, causing all three of the girls to briefly coo at her before getting back to the subject, which was quite a serious matter indeed.
"B-but Erin… he tried to steal Sin!!!"
"I know, I know, but… but wouldn't you do the same thing?!?!? She is sooo cute!!!" Erin tried again, almost desperately.
Alex looked like she was going to argue, but then Lasha spoke up….
"Its true, Friend Alex. I don't really blame him for wanting to have his very own Sin…You HAVE done the same thing" She said, referring to the time Alex had tried to make off with a baby goat the pet store was selling. She hadn't made it far before an old lady caught her and told her to put the animal back. And of course, the other time when Alex was caught trying to shove Guinea Pigs into her coat to take them home… And the rabbits, and the puppies, and kittens, and chickens (Though she was successful with the neighbours Chicken, and that Chicken's name was Erik, and it lived in her basement…)…
Alex heaved a heaving sigh. "I suppose you're right. You can't really blame him… but still, I skinned my knee when I tackled him, and that is unforgivable."
Erin nodded acceptingly of this. She understood completely.
Lasha chimed in eagerly "He'll need to be punished, of course... a good long sentence…"
Alex began to grin, and Erin and Lasha scooted away quickly. Sin began to struggle more. The crazed, idea-happy girl turned to Jack and towered under him threateningly.
"Okay, tall thing! We can forgive you for taking my snake, but in light of injuries that have been inflicted upon my person, I shall have to have you sentenced to a lifetime of service to Erin, yon female there. If you fail to comply with this action, in accordance to page 348, paragraph 5, section 3, Fail to do so will result in death by Horny Wookies."
Erin squealed with happiness, and Jack looked positively stunned.
"W-what?! But it was just a snake!"
Lasha and Alex roared in fury, and Erin sat cross-legged next to Sin, who flickered her tiny little tongue and began weaving a magical tale of dancing penguins in Albania...
"I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I'LL DO IT, I'LL DO IT!" the skeleton yelled as
Alex began to strangle him and Lasha poked pins into his arms. Erin sobbed in joy and spun Sin around. She hissed angrily and everyone stopped to coo once again, even the skeleton.
"Who ARE you?!" Lasha cried.
"Oh...um, Jack Skellington, Pumpkin King."
Alex had to drag Erin away and muffle her as she babbled loud enough for several ghosts to drift out of their graves and shake their fists angrily.
"A KING, Alex! A! KING!"
Alex kicked her in the shin, and she immediately calmed down. They returned to Jack and a grumpy Lasha, who glared at anything that moved.
Erin recited their poem so that Lasha could be joyous again.
"Sensing a sense of impending doom, I jumped out the window of that windowless room. Screaming about my eyes, though my eyes were not there; I left them at home this morning in a jar that doesn't exist, And being eyeless made me really rather pissed."
A faraway dreamy look crossed Lasha's violent features. Undoubtedly, she was talking to her inner-monologue.
"What in the name of pumpkin was that?!" Jack asked abruptly, shifting ever closer to Sin. Erin opened and closed her mouth several times like a disorientated goldfish on pot, and Alex crossed her arms.
"STAY. AWAY. FROM. MY. CHILD."
"What?!"
"Sin! Stay away from Sin!"
"S-Sin...?" He asked innocently, inching closer.
"MY SNAKE!!! HER NAME IS SIN!!!!" Alex raged, cursing and throwing a rather spectacular fit right there in the graveyard, kicking several graves and flipping off most of the ghost population.
"O-oh, I see... A lovely name, for such a lovely snake..." Jack said
simply, getting a tad closer.
Erin, who was playing with Sin on the ground squealed happily, thinking that he was scooting closer to her, rather than the angelic looking snakie, who had by this time, stopped weaving, and was flicking her tongue at a pumpkin.
Eveyone all stopped to coo, including Jack, not quite realizing that it was disturbing when he did it.
Alex stopped and wheeled around to face him. She looked at him a
moment, eyeing how tall he was, how skinny he was, and his rather dead status.
With a battle cry, she rushed at him, tackling him to the ground once more.
Erin looked shocked, Lasha giggled absent-mindedly, still having a rather dazed look on her face, obviously seeing things no one else could, and Jack let out a loud "Oomph" of surprise.
"Listen!" Alex cried. "I'll only tell you this once!! You break her heart,
I'll cut it off!!! There will be no words or dramatic speeches! King or not, It'll get cut off and thrown to the sexually confident wookies!!!"
She glowered, and Jack gulped deeply, trying to scoot out from underneath her. He was somewhat successful, having slipped away from the crazed female, only to have his head end in the lap of a rather delighted looking Erin.
Erin squealed loudly, making his skull ring rather painfully. He moved a hand to clutch it in agony, but his hand instead brushed a curious snake, who had come to investigate the pinstripe outfit he wore. He gasped in joy, and stroked her along the back, before she was quickly snatched away by Lasha, who screamed curses to the sky, along with a few profound accusations as to what he was trying to do to the poor helpless little snake..
Shocked by all of this noise, Sin's tail began to vibrate, much like a
rattle snake's would. It was a defence mecanism, her trying to pose as a rattlesnake to seem dangerous to any attackers.
Everyone froze, Lasha's hands clutching a voodoo doll that looked
remarkably like Jack, Alex looked about ready to burst into uncontrollable tears, Erin gasped and looked heartbroken, and Jack mouth dropped in horror.
Sin looked around confusedly, before slithering towards a rock to hide under, her small tail vibrating and rattling all the while.
It was then Erin and Jack realised his head was still in her lap. Erin's
left eye started twitching and rolled to the side. Jack cried out and
floundered for a while, before realising an angry Alex was leaning on his leg so he couldn't get up. He glared and she held tighter.
"As your new liege-lord, I DEMAND you to stay on Erin's lap!"
Angelic music played in Erin's head, along with various scenarios of her and Jack-
"HELLOOO? LASHA?" Luckily Jack and Alex had been too busy watching Lasha be posessed by something to notice Erin squirm and giggle.
She sighed. "Lasha, you're the Devil himself!"
"WHO TOLD Y-I mean...heh. Yessss..." There was an awkward moments silence as Lasha, Alex and Erin developed shifty eyes.
Sin flipped over a rock and found a dead baby mouse. She opened her mouth wide and gulped down the little thing.
Alex cheered Sin on, filming the whole thing with a little video camera in her giant purse. Jack didn't seem to care, but Erin and Lasha sobbed, mourned and hugged each other helplessly.
Alex giggled before scooping up the now fat snake and put her in her purse, in a little container where she would be kept safe and out of the way. Jack eyed that purse with a gleam in his eye... erm... eye socket...
No one noticed this as they took in their surroundings, looking rather gleeful.
"Hey Lasha! Erin!" Alex cried happily. "We're in a pinstripe world! Maybe they have Bowler Hats!!!"
"YES!" Erin shrieked excitedly. "AND COAT TAILS!!!!"
"There are already coat tails! Jack has some!" Lasha said dreamily, looking at imaginary Top Hats and Canes.
Alex and Erin gasped, nearly choking on such a quick intake of air, before grabbing Jack and spinning him around. They fawned over his pinstripe coat tails, pulling them and swinging them, and petting them, as if they were precious pets.
"Oh My God..." Erin nearly burst into tears... "I-Its the prettiest thing I have ever seen!!!"
"I-Its a morbid graveyard... and the ground is pinstripe... I think I've
died and gone to heaven." Lasha said, wiping moisture from her watery eyes.
She sniffled and plopped herself on the ground, stroking it with a small, shy smile on her face.
Alex was looking around for any bowler hats... trying to spot them. She looked under a small rock, only finding another dead mouse. Sin poked her head out of the giant purse eagerly, but Alex gave her a disapproving look.
"Snakie, Your going to loose your lovely figure if you eat like this! I am not going to pay money monthly for weight watchers meals to be delivered. One mouse per week.. that 'twas the agreement."
Sin sulked back into the purse.
Erin, still holding onto Jack's coat tails, dug into her pocket and pulled out a chocolate chip cookie.
"Can Sin have a cookie?" She asked, offering the cookie to Alex. Lasha's head snapped up and she got a look that could be compared to that of an angry elk ready to charge.
"Nah, She can only eat mice.." Alex said sadly.
"I'll eat the cookie..." Lasha interjected, eyes looking wild.
"No!" Erin glared. "The cookie is for Sin!!!"
What happened next happened so quickly that afterwards, it was a jumble of confusion. One moment, everyone was glaring at each other, then the next, they were all on a pile on the ground, twitching and yelling and getting smooshed.
Apparently, Lasha had thrown herself at Erin's legs, knocking them out from underneath her. Erin had been holding onto Jack coat tails, and so he had been yanked down on top of her. Jack had grabbed onto the nearest thing, which happened to be Alex, and down she went too...
"AHH! Gerrof mah fae!!!" Erin screamed. Jack looked rather dazed, having been thrown to the ground for the third time. Alex looked rather surprised to be nearly eating Jack's arm, not quite sure how it had ended up getting stuffed in her mouth.
Lasha had grabbed the cookie and was eating it animal-like, plastic wrap and all, her eyes holding a bestial look about them that was downright frightening. The plastic wrap squeaked as she chewed it, before swallowing it thickly, and licking her fingers...
Alex spat out her mouthful of Jack, before giggling insanely.
"H-Hey Lasha, That's made with chicken..."
Lasha's face adopted that of a sick looking plant, and she dove behind a grave, before heaving her kidney up (Which she would later sell for fun and profit). Not really, but that's what it sounded like. Alex cackled and got up.
"Such d-disrespect towards the dead." Erin gasped out, laughing too hard beneath the crushing weight of Jack. Jack got off her, backing away.
The girls were to involved cracking jokes at their vegetarian friend, who's face was a pasty white, and they paid Jack no thought. So when he silently picked up the Giant Purse on the ground and dashed off out of the graveyard, it took them a few moments to realize he was gone, and so was Sin.
"FOR THE LAST TIME, YOU CANNOT ESCAPE WHILE ERIN IS HOLDING YOUR TAIL COAT!!!!!" Alex screamed like a banshee as Jack sulked in the corner of his little ramshackle house.
"I...I knew she was still holding it! It was a joke!"
Suddenly the doorbell rung and Jack flung himself down several flights of the spiral staircase before they could ask "Who'll answer that?"
"Mayor! How glad I am to see you! I...I have some friends here for you to meet! ALEX! ERIN! AND LASHA, IF YOU'RE FEELING UP TO IT!! COME DOWN!!"
Jack's plan was simple; the Mayor, once meeting these strange girls, would never allow them to stay in Halloween Town, and he wouldn't have to put up with them!
Alex came sprinting down the staircase, a wild, eerie look on her face. Her eyes shifted from left to right constantly and she had a few twigs in her hair that hadn't been there before.
Next came Erin, skipping merrily. Her eyes were wide and eager, and a small dribble of saliva was coming from her large grin.
Lasha hobbled down slowly, a peppermint color tinging her face, and started muttering quickly "God's death to meat...oh, Mayhue! How I miss your raspy morning-breath, and how you always stopped halfway through to blow your nose!"
The mayor still had on his happy face though, and grinned delightedly.
"Welcome! Welcome! Any friend of the Pumpkin King's is a friend of Halloween Town's too! Please, stay as long as you like!"
The look on Jacks face was of utter horror as the three girls plus one snake cheered loudly.
Yay for us! Hope you liked our first chapter. A second is guaranteed, but perhaps quite some time away...O.o
xxx Jack Skellington's Mistress
