When Your Heart Goes Missing

xXKyoandFangXx

Chapter One: Not Coming Home

Kyo's P.O.V.

It's been so long… so long, since I've seen your face… your smile – the way it lights up your eyes… your whole face starts to glow. I never once thought that I'd fall in love with you… until I did. The girl who panics over the littlest things, but could always brighten up my day with the simplest things she did. You began to heal me… Tohru… and, I never thought I'd leave like that, but… I couldn't make you suffer any longer… if only to make myself content…

It was s selfish wish… to want to stay with you until the end. To want to stay with you until the time when I must go away. I could tell… my presence was nothing but a burden – a weight – on your heart. I could never bring you any happiness. The Cat can only destroy… it has no right to fall in love…

So, I left.

I left in the middle of the night without anyone knowing. I didn't even tell Shishou I was going. I couldn't face anyone with my cowardly decision – I wouldn't let anyone, lest of all Tohru – feel how I was feeling.

It was a few days before graduation, and I had given up all hope of ever beating Yuki. What was the point anymore? I went to Akito. I told him I had given up - and that I would accept my confinement… early. Akito didn't ask questions, taunt or scold me. He just stood up, without a word, and took me to the Cat's confinement chambers.

I wanted to say something – a request – but I didn't know how. But, Akito asked, as he was about to leave,

"You want anything else from me, monster?"

I turned around and looked at him… my face and voice held no emotion… and said,

"Don't tell… them… about my decision just yet, please… if they ask, you can say what I chose… but only if they… ask…" I heard my voice getting softer and weaker as I spoke; the last word a barely audible whisper. Akito looked at me for a moment, then shut the door, and locked it.

That was the last I saw of him… of anyone… for a long, long time…

The room was dark… only a bit of light shone through the small window to the right of the door… but I didn't mind. It seemed fitting… for the rest of the cat's existence to be filled with the darkness it deserved. The Cat had no right to any comforts. It was a monster, and deserved to be treated like one.

I sat down in the corner farthest from the door and did my best not to think. Because thinking would bring back memories I wanted to forget. Memories of the girl I loved, haunted me day and night, making my soul… heart… ache with pain, sorrow and regret. I had done nothing but hurt her. I knew, if I had stayed those few extra days… it would have been unbearable for me. Because I knew… that if she knew… that I was leaving… she would go to Akito, and he'd probably hurt… or kill her.

I couldn't let that happen. I would protect her at all costs – at the price of whatever was demanded. I would even protect her from me – which meant I had to leave… and never come back. She deserved so much better than what I could offer.

So… I'm here… I've been her for I don't know how long. I am brought a meal twice a day: morning and night. The rest of the time I just sit there and stare into the darkness… and try to keep my thoughts at bay… to keep y mind blank – for if I could remember nothing, it couldn't cause me any pain… though I knew the Cat deserved whatever came to it…

I would sleep sometimes too, but when I slept… I dreamt… and I couldn't fight my subconscious – that brought up images and memories of Tohru.

There were times that I gave into the misery of leaving her… there were times that I missed her so much, it hurt… it physically hurt to remember, to miss… to regret.

But still, not a day went by that I could keep my thought at bay… she always leaked through. It seemed futile… as time when on… to try and forget her. As time went on, it was like I couldn't forget her… Because, if I did, it would cause me physical pain to do so. I realized… to forget… was to die…

I sometimes didn't understand myself… like I was in some strangers' body… I just didn't understand why I didn't just kill myself – to get rid of the pain… the misery of remembering her. I could've had Akito do it from the start… or I could just starve myself. I didn't understand why I didn't just end it.

I think I was still holding onto something inside me… but I didn't know what…

And so… time went on… here, and outside… unknown to me.

I'm sorry Tohru… I'm not coming home.


A/N: Okay, everyone! That's my new story! I really hoped you liked it! So, please review and the rest will be up soon!

Love forever and ever and ever and ever...

Fenna

P.S. I DO NOT OWN FURUBA!