This is kind of depressing...
Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry
And everything, it will surely change
Even if I tell you I won't go away today
I wanted to say I wouldn't leave, that I would stay by his side through everything. I wanted him to believe me. I wanted to not cry every time I thought about him. I didn't want to think about what he was going through, I didn't want to fear the news, fear hearing them say more were killed. I didn't want to walk by his house and see his dad mourning. I didn't want to know how it would affect all my old Glee friends. All our old Glee friends. I didn't want to wear black.
Will you think that you're all alone
When no one's there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary, rest your head
I'm permanent
Did he know that I was waiting for him to get home so I could tell him how important he is to me, how much I missed him, how much I loved him? How much I love him.
I know he's living in hell every single day
And so I ask, oh God is there some way for me to take his place?
And when they say it's all touch and go
I wish I could make it go away but still you say
I watched the news, no matter how I feared it. I saw the footage of fighting in blistering heat. I searched for his face in the battles and always sighed with happiness when his face didn't appear. I wondered if the they would accept that he only joined to prove his manliness to me, which is silly. I should have been the one fighting to prove my manliness. He was never manly. And I loved him for not being manly.
Will you think that you're all alone
When no one's there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary, rest your head
I'm permanent, I'm permanent
Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my promise that you'll never see me cry
My voice cracks on the last line and the tears flow down my face as the piano fades away. I look up at an old picture of us laughing. Back when we were still dating. Before I broke up with him saying I wanted a manlier guy. Before he signed up with the Army and got shipped to Iraq. Before he died alone in the blistering sand. "I love you," I whisper the silence letting it echo back my deep voice.
To those who reviewed and I didn't respond, sorry, extremely busy. I will respond to any reviews of this fic.
Also, I have decided I don't want a beta, so thanks for the offer but I'm good.
