Batman: Arkham Asylum
Psychiatric Help
Chapter 1: The New Guy
Rex lit up a flavored cigar and too a good it off of it. He let the smoke go into the air and looked off of his balcony into the courtyard of Arkham Island. He looked around at the guards set up on their watch towers with the high-powered rifles they were issued by Warden Rykotsu.
Two years earlier Rex didn't work here, but his friends Gorian and Stone Rykotsu did, as guards, as they do now. Warden Sharp got in serious trouble three and a half years earlier when Joker sprang all of the crazies locked up in Arkham out of their cells to unleash a blood-soaked trail of rage and murder. With this incident over his head Warden Sharp was put on the spot and an election was held to hire a new Warden to take command over the Asylum. Only one stood up against Sharp's position. The one that won Sharp's position. Lilly Rykotsu. She was the eldest sibling of Rex's best friend, Damian Rykotsu. She promised to see to all cells being secure at all times and that a special team of engineers and architects would take up the responsibility of making sure no one could break in or out. Which was withheld without so much as a fuck-up.
This is where Rex came into the equation. Rex Draven is the head of the repair and assembly team. He got the job a year after Lilly's election and has seen to it that no one has even gotten close to getting out of their cells. His abilities in the technological and structural were infallible.
Rex is twenty-four years old with a strong build from having to lift heavy objects and working out every day of his life since he was fifteen. He has bushy blue hair and is always wearing black leather: vest, pants, cowboy boots, and fingerless gloves. He wore a white tank top under his vest and a black cowboy hat on his head, witch matching sunglasses. However, seeing how he was getting ready to start his shift, he wore a dark blue jumpsuit with the top unzipped an around his waist so you could clearly see his white tank top underneath.
The door to the balcony swung up open and Stone Rykotsu stepped out with his own flavored cigar. He lit his and took a large puff of it. "What up?" He asked Rex leaning against the rail of the balcony.
"Just enjoying a smoke before I start my shift, like always," Rex replied flicking ashes off the balcony. "You're up early, what's up with that?" Stone spat and shifted.
"Gorian woke me up 'cause I have to start my shift early. Sucks balls! I hate this shit. It's bad enough I have to wake up at ten every morning but seven?" He flicked ashes from his cigar and took another hit. "Oh, I snagged one of your cigar things, I'm not allowed to smoke weed on the island, or anywhere legally." Rex laughed and shook his head.
"I don't mind dude."
Stone was thirty years of age with a swimmer's build. He was taller than Rex by about five inches, standing at six-foot-eight if you want to do the math, and had bushy brown hair and bushy black eyebrows. He had piercing green eyes and a wicked grin that scared little children. He wore his guard gear complete with nightstick, walkie-talkie, gun, Taser, pepper spray, and handcuffs. However, he usually wore denim shorts that were always ripped up at the legs, a white tank top much like Rex, no shoes, and a stupid smile. He had a few scars here and there from tussles with the inmates.
"Gorian's getting ready now, he wants us to go around with you and secure all of the cells of the higher level inmates like Crane, Fries, and Cobblepot, though I'm still not sure how The Penguin is a top level inmate. Anyway, so you're gonna be with us for probably the first half of your shift." Rex took another hit from his cigar and said.
"That's fine I don't mind." Stone nodded.
It was then the door opened again and a giant of a man standing at seven-foot-one came onto the balcony, ducking to get through the door. Gorian Rykotsu was second eldest of the Rykotsu siblings, younger, only, than Lilly. He had an extremely built body structure, most people say he's ninety-nine percent muscle, if it gives you any idea. He has short brown hair, a little lighter in color to Stone's, which is tied into a short ponytail that stops halfway down his neck. He chin was complimented by a perfect five o'clock shadow that he always had. His eyes were blue and gentle as he was, most of the time, but he knew when it was time to get aggressive, seeing his line of work, that's a good thing. He wore his usual guard attire and when he wasn't he wore camouflage cargo pants and a normal white t-shirt. He lit up a cigarette, which was rare to see, and took a hit off of it.
"You tell him what's going on?" Gorian asked in his naturally deep voice. Stone nodded and flicked his cigar off of the balcony. Rex dove and caught it before it could fall out of his reach. He had the quickest reflexes either of the brothers' had ever known. He regained his footing and looked at Stone.
"I said you could bum, not waste," Rex said putting the half of a cigar out and pocketing it. "These things aren't cheap you know." Stone rolled his eyes. "He told me the plan today, Gorian," Rex stated taking a puff from his cigar. Gorian nodded and put out his cigarette after only taking three hits. He gave the rest to Rex who placed it in his pocket. A sudden vibrating noise filled the air and Stone and Rex looked at Gorian who pulled his cellphone out of one of his pants pockets. He answered it with a, "Yeah?" and then went quiet for a moment.
"Why?" He asked with a bit of frustration in his voice. "What? Why is he here…" silence "…alright fine we'll be right there." He closed his phone and replaced it in his pocket. He sighed and looked at Rex and Stone. "Damian's here," he told them.
"Why?" Stone asked. "He knows not to come here unless it's a dire emergency." Gorian sighed and nodded.
"Guess he didn't get the memo," Rex said with a smirk. Rex and Damian had been closer than two friends could without being blood siblings. The one aspect of Damian that Rex admired the most is that Damian had a way of doing what he thought was right even if it was against his siblings wishes. He had guessed this was a situation where that aspect was about to be shown. "C'mon, let's head to Lilly's office."
The Rykotsu siblings, excluding Damian, and Rex had all taken refuge in the Arkham Mansion. When Lilly was fully elected and placed in the Warden's position she wanted to make sure she was as close to Arkham as possible without it being uncomfortable. She had the Arkham Mansion's top floor crafted into a level of bedrooms for the chief of guard, Gorian, the second in command of the guard, Stone, and the chief of repairs, Rex, to room in. Damian had been given a very expensive, but paid-for, apartment room near the entrance so the four of them could visit when they had the time, which was usually never. Damian, on occasion, however, would venture to Arkham Asylum to confront his siblings and best friends since they were often too busy. Lilly didn't mind much; though she made it clear he shouldn't visit too often. Gorian and Stone, however, hated the idea of him being so close to psychopathic, costumed weirdoes. They made him promise to only visit on emergencies only, he did, so he made up a fake emergency whenever he visited. Rex loved it when his best friend visited so they could talk and smoke like they did when they went to high school together, when Rex would protect Damian from bullies. The good ol' days.
They each got what they needed and headed down to the level where Lilly's office was located. They passed through the record room and Gorian grabbed a manila folder on one of the inmates. Gorian held onto the folder as they found their way to the Warden's office. There in Warden Lilly's office I sat with a smile on my face. A helpless, naïve smile that really had no place being there. There was a knock at the door and my siblings and Rex entered. Gorian and Stone didn't look very pleased at my presence but Rex smiled when he saw me. I stood and shook Rex's hand. I smiled at my brother who nodded at me. "Thank you for joining us," my eldest sibling, and only sister, Lilly Rykotsu, said. She was a tall woman with the same white hair I had. It was long but at the moment it was put into a neat and tight bun. She had a pair of thin glasses on that were at the tip of her nose. She wore a lovely suit/dress that was white with an icy-blue tie, which matched perfectly with the color of her cold blue eyes. She was light-skinned but fair and beautiful nonetheless.
"Hi everyone," I said with a smile. I am Damian Rykotsu, I'm twenty-five years old and have short white hair that I rarely comb, I did today however. I wore a black formal suit with a red undershirt and black tie. I don't usually wear such clothing but today was a special occasion. Due to a birth defect I had red eyes, weird I know, and pale skin as well. I had many scars from my years being bullied in high school but I always carried a smile for optimism. "Good to see you after about a week of not hearing a single word or syllable from any of you." Rex smiled and patted my shoulder.
"Sorry about that dude, busy, you know how it is for the four of us."
I nodded with a smile. "I understand completely my old friend but a call every blue moon would be nice ya know." Rex and I shared a laugh when Gorian said.
"Why are you here?"
"Damian's here for a job," Lilly answered for me. "He's turned in his résumé and as you could probably guess its all in order and he's more than capable of getting hired."
"Hired as what? Please tell me you're not here to be—"
"Part of the Psychiatric Staff," I told him. "I wanna be a psychiatrist and do some interviews first hand."
"No," Gorian said simply. My smile didn't fade. I looked at him. "It's too dangerous. Damian you couldn't even convince teenagers in high school not to beat you up, aside from Rex but he's the only one." Rex winced subtly at the mention of that part of his life. "You really think you could stand a chance with Zsasz, Crane, Nigma, or, god forbid, Fries, or Joker. You can't handle this and you should just walk out that door and go back to—"
"What? My job at the library, hoping every single day and night that my siblings and best friend will give me a call, and when you don't I'm always afraid that it's because someone's killed you. You're working with psychos and you think just because you guys can fight I'm not fit to work here. Fuck you!" Stone, Rex, Gorian, and even Lilly were surprised. I was no longer smiling, my body was shaking and I almost had tears in my eyes. This wasn't a gilt trip. This was honesty at its most aggressive. I stayed up every night for the first week waiting for them to call, for the first week the calls came regularly but as they drug on they lessened and lessened until the phone didn't ring. "Fuck you," I repeated. "I'm tired of being the weakest in the family. I'm tired of being the child that every single one of you has the need to protect. I'm twenty-five, I can drive, drink, smoke, I can do whatever the fuck I want but you all act like I can't even tie my own goddamn shoes!" Gorian's face was as it usually was but I could tell I'd gotten through his thick skull. Stone smirked at my aggressiveness, Rex's face was full of guilt, and Lilly was sitting back in her chair with her eyebrows raised.
I was breathing hard when I finished my ranting and I sat down looking at Lilly seriously. "So when do I start?" I asked. Lilly wasn't smiling, at first, but it slowly crept in the form of a smirk, then a full-blown smile, then she began to laugh. She laughed loudly and got out of her chair and walked around her desk. I stood and she hugged my neck.
"Look at this!" She exclaimed happily. "My little brother finally standing up for himself. I told them it would happen, didn't I Rex?" I looked at Rex, who nodded.
"She did man," Rex said laughing. Stone joined in the laugh but Gorian only smirked. Stone slapped me on my back and said.
"Well shit when you put it that way, I guess we can't deny you that right!" I nodded as thanks to them all. Lilly kissed my forehead and walked around her desk and sat in her chair. She typed something on her keyboard and then pressed enter.
"Okay…" she said with a smile. "You're first interview will start tomorrow. With the patient you've so humbly requested." Gorian, Stone, and even Rex now looked worried. I always had a problem with wanting to help the ones deemed impossible, and that problem reared its ugly head once more in the current situation.
"Who?" Gorian, Stone, and Rex said in unison.
"Who did you request, Damian?" Stone said seriously.
"God please don't tell me you requested The Joker!" Rex said.
"Or Bane!" Stone added.
"Or anyone that could rip you apart either physically, or mentally," Gorian said.
"He specifically asked for the inmate that most appealed to him. He was the most interested in Mr. Waylon Jones, AKA Killer Croc…"
"WHAT!" The three of them exclaimed in unison. "What the fuck are you thinking?" Stone asked loudly. "Jones could rip you a new asshole with one finger. Hell no! Pick someone else for your own sake!" I laughed and said.
"No, Jones is the only one that really spoke to me when I was checking out the news reports for the villains that have made themselves known in this city. Joker's cliché, Quinn is only following the Joker, Riddler, though he is an interesting person, isn't my type of psychosis, in fact I think he may actually be sane. Then there's Penguin…enough said. Scarecrow has always been Kainan's interest, and Bane's not mentally unstable he's just addicted to Venom. Croc has a medically rare skin disorder that he's suffered bullying for. He joined the carnival as a freakshow to get away from the world, or so I think, and what does he do after? He becomes a Mafioso, a gangster, killing everyone that gets in his path, he's not crazy, he's sadistic and malicious, sure, but I don't think he's crazy. I just want a chance to get to know what's going on in his head." Gorian rubbed his eyes tiresomely. Stone sighed in irritation and Rex only shook his head.
"Oh shut up you guys," Lilly said annoyed. "He's interviewing Jones and that's final. Now I want you three to do what you're supposed to do today, which is to survey the inmates' cells that are marked on this list. Including inmate's 125 through 132 then inmates Jonathan Crane, aka Scarecrow, Edward Nigma, aka The Riddler, Oswald Cobblepot, aka Penguin, Drury Walker aka Killer Moth, Warren White, aka Great White Shark, and finally Mr. Dorrance, aka Bane. After this is done you may find an office for Damian personally so he may prep for his interview. Understood?" Lilly asked standing up. Gorian, Stone, and Rex nodded.
I waved them out then turned to Lilly. "What should I do?" I asked.
"Wanna meet some of the inmates?" Lilly asked with a smirk. I smiled and nodded excitedly.
"How many are left?" Stone asked inpatiently as the three of them walked down the halls of the penitentiary.
"Just Great White," Rex said. "…and Penguin." Stone sighed.
"Do we actually have to check Penguin's cell?" Stone asked with obvious disdain. "I mean is he really gonna break out? Gorian sucker punched him last time he tried and broke that beak of his. He won't try it again." Gorian was reading the manila folder he had picked up.
"Don't worry it won't be long," he said closing the folder. "All we have to do is make sure the circuits are fully functional. Then we can move on to a special mission." Rex and Stone glanced at each other then looked at Gorian.
"What mission is that?" Rex asked with suspicious curiosity.
"We're gonna make sure Croc can't harm Damian," he replied not even looking away from the hallway ahead of him. "And we can't let Lilly know, got it?" Rex sighed but nodded. Stone laughed and said.
"Gorian I didn't know you could be sneaky. I'm fairly impressed."
"I'm not trying to impress you," he spat. "I'm trying to make sure Damian isn't harmed. Even if that means going behind the Warden's back." Stone nodded still impressed.
"Then let's get this shit outta the way so we can get on it as soon as possible," Rex confirmed as they stopped at a cell that was well-lit and spacy. Inside were a toilet, sink, radio, chair, a table and a bed. On the bed was a tall, broad man with a normal orange jumpsuit on. It was marked with the number 817. The man was a bluish-gray color with a bald head, no lips, no ears, and no nose to speak of. When the three of them approached his cell Warren White, aka The Great White Shark stood and smiled at them with a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth that snapped when he talked.
"Well, well," Great White said as they approached. "My time to die? Or perhaps you're here to set me free?" Gorian shook his head slowly but the Shark's smile didn't fade. "Shame I must say. I was so hoping to get outta here today."
"Not for awhile, White," Rex replied. "Now if you would please step back and put your hands against the wall while we check your cell." White nodded with a toothy grin as he slowly stepped to the back wall and put both of his palms flat against the brick. "Thank you."
As Rex entered the cell he did a full examination of every wire and circuit. He twisted a few things and said "Hmm…" a few times before he finished. "Thank you Mr. White, you've been very obedient," Rex said genuinely with a smile. "In fact you may step back from the wall if you promise to behave while I check the confines of your cell." White lowered his arms and smiled. He put his hands behind his back and said.
"Of course, Mr. Draven, anything you say." His voice was raspy and dark but Rex thought nothing of it as he searched for anything unpermitted. He pulled an object wrapped in tinfoil out from under his mattress. He opened it and found a half-eaten piece of meat in it. Rex looked at White who merely shrugged.
"Let's not have this anymore. Okay?" Rex said with a smile. "But since you're not stirring up anything I guess it'd be okay for you to keep it, there's no bones that I can see so…" Rex rewrapped it and handed it to White. The Shark took it from him and placed it on his bedside table. He nodded, this time actually thankful, and continued to mind his obedience. "Alright, everything's clean here. You have a good day Mr. White," Rex said putting out his hand. Gorian and Stone flinched at such a gesture but Rex's smile was nothing short of genuine. White was unsure and looked uncomfortable but he shook Rex's hand nonetheless. Rex turned around, walked out of the cell, and pressed the right keys that operated the force field.
Rex and the Rykotsu's began walking towards their last, and least favorite, stop. "What was that?" Gorian asked with a frown.
"Yeah man you ain't supposed to be friendly with the inmates. It gives 'em the wrong impressions. It's happened to a guard before, he thought he could trust Joker and before he knew it he was a corpse laying in the clown's wake." Stone smiled at the story evilly even though he was being serious. "Great White won't spare you should he get a chance to escape. Remember that."
"If you make them feel like equals instead of children then they'll give you positive feedback," Rex told them with a smile. "Simple as that. I treated him like a person instead of a monster like you guards do." Gorian and Stone scowled at him. "Hey, it's true, I've seen the ways you guys treat those guys, it's inhuman."
"Most of the people who're locked up here are inhuman!" Stone snapped. "When you're cozying up to the next one just remember how many people he killed to get in here."
Rex didn't let Stone and Gorian's words get to him. He knew deep down in every man there was a bit of good. He would know.
They found their way to Penguin's cell. A cell that was dressed up nicely enough. It had all the same features as Warren White's but instead of a tall man there was a squat little fat man sitting on the bed. His hair was black and his nose was long and pointed like a beak. He had blue eyes and a nasty sneer on his face when he saw Gorian. Oswald Cobblepot had a long-standing grudge with my brother because of the incident about five years ago when Penguin tried to escape. He ran into Gorian, who busted his nose all to hell. It was healed now but the mental pain was still there.
"Eh…what do you want?" The squat little man said. "You here to set me free?"
"No," Gorian answered simply. "Now against the wall while we check your cell. Now!" Cobblepot did as commanded and stood with his three-digit hands against the wall. He gritted his teeth as Rex stepped in to do his routine check. It was about five or so minutes when Rex said.
"All clean. Have a good day Mr. Cobblepot." They reproduced his force field then headed down the hall with the Penguin cursing behind them.
"Not gonna shake Cobblepot's…flipper?" Stone teased flicking Rex's ear. Rex batted his hand away and said.
"I'd rather not, he's a letdown to many villains I'm sure."
"C'mon," Gorian said turning a corner to a special cell. "Croc's cell is this way."
Warden Quincy Sharp had put Waylon Jones, aka Killer Croc, in the sewer system after his last escape some number of years ago. The guards would often take his food to him by dropping it in a hole and not even caring if he found it. Lilly wasn't happy about it. She thought all inmates should be treated well. So she had a special cell made for Croc so he wouldn't actually miss the sewer.
They found their way to a large door resembling that of a safe. There were two guards placed outside of it. "At ease we need to speak with Jones," Gorian told them. They both saluted, something they inherited from Gorian who served in the military. He saluted back and they opened the door to the room holding Croc's cell.
The cell was huge to fit an eleven foot giant reptile. A large reinforced glass window, a foot and a half thick, was placed in front with holes for him to speak through. It had skulls and bones hanging from the ceilings and in neat stacks, souvenirs Lilly allowed, and a pool big enough for the giant to swim around in for his exercise and enjoyment. One corner held a stack of raw steaks neatly stacked. As the three approached an eerie silence befell the room.
There, in the middle of the cell, with his back facing the three, stood Killer Croc. His mere appearance was ominous in and of itself. He towered over even Gorian and had large green scales covering his entire body. He wore a massive white tank top over his torso with only a pair of pants that had to be sewn specially for him. He wore a large nylon rope around his waist for a belt. His feet were bare and his forearms were wrapped in athletic tape. He was bald and had large shoulders with scaly spines jutting out. He sniffed the air and turned slowly to face them with a toothy smile that would put Great White Shark's smile to shame. He had beady yellow eyes resembling an actual crocodile's and teeth the length of fingers and sharper than needles. His pectoral muscles bulged from underneath his shirt and his claws could slice through brick, let alone human flesh and bone. He stepped up to the glass and smiled down at Gorian.
"Hello…Rykotsu," Croc growled, his words seemed to gurgle like a male crocodile in mating season. "And the younger Rykotsu, and…" he stared at Rex interestingly. "And…who…is this?" He began to sniff Rex through the window and shuddered as though he enjoyed the smell of Rex's blood pulsing through his veins, which he probably did. "He smells delicious!"
"Cool it Jones!" Gorian said knocking against the glass softly with his knuckle. "He's chief of repair and you'll respect him as you do us." Stone snickered.
"He doesn't respect us." Gorian smacked him in the head and said.
"Nevertheless," Gorian stated seriously. "Move back and allow him to check your cell. Go on, against the wall. Now!" Croc only stood there grinning evilly at Rex. He really liked his scent. Then there was a high-pitched squeal as over two-thousand volts of electricity cascaded through Croc's body and he roared in pain. He batted at the collar trying to pry it off but it was reinforced titanium that he couldn't even break out of. Croc slammed a huge, scaled hand against the glass and glared at Gorian who didn't flinch at the sight of the giant. "Back up and turn around." Croc did as instructed and turned towards the pool then put his hands on the back of his head. "Let's do it."
"Alright," Rex replied. "You want me to reinforce his chains? I have some thick chains I used to tie to cars when we need to transport them from place to place via a crane." Gorian nodded. "Hey guys!" Rex said speaking into his walkie-talkie.
"Yes sir?" A voice spoke back clearly over the device.
"Go ahead and bring those reinforced car chains to Croc's cell so we can put them on him to get him ready for his interview soon."
"You got it," the voice rang back. "Be there in about five minutes."
"Good," Gorian said opening the door to Croc's cell.
"Gorian!" Rex called. "Wait, please, the boys'll bring the chains soon." Gorian ignored him heading into the cell. Rex and Stone flinched as he brought up a gun and pointed it at Croc. Croc turned in enough time to see Gorian pull the trigger. "GORIAN!" Rex exclaimed loudly. What hit Croc wasn't a bullet, however, but a small metallic dart. The plunger on the dart dropped and a little glowing blue solution sank into his Croc's chest. Croc roared and started near Gorian. Without flinching or hesitating Gorian popped two more into his chest and then one in each leg. Croc fell and slid until he was merely inches from Gorian's feet. Gorian spat on the floor and said.
"He should be out for a while. That's seven darts so he should be out until his interview in about an hour." He looked at his watch and was satisfied with his assumption. The five minutes went by and a mere minute later Rex's boys arrived with four three massive silver chains hooked to shackles. He put one chain, bearing a shackle on both ends, on his wrists and another on his ankles. They lifted his head and attached the third to the hook on his shock collar, then let his head fall to the ground. They flipped him over, seeing as he landed on his stomach, and attached all three chains to one another so if he tried to run or swing his fists it would react with each other.
"There," Stone said locking the final link with another. "That should just about do it."
"Yeah," Rex agreed. He scowled at Gorian. "A little heads up would be nice next time."
"Don't give me that," Gorian said softly but sternly. "If I told you I was about to do that you'd've bitched at me. So save it." Rex glared at him but let it go. "Okay, one more thing." He tapped Croc's collar with his foot and said. "Go ahead and up the voltage on the collar."
"It already pumps over two-thousand volts into the guy. Do you honestly thing we need more?" Gorian glared at him and grabbed his collar.
"Listen good, Rex," Gorian said darker than usual. "Damian's safety is my top priority, you wouldn't know seeing as how you nearly killed him in high school years ago…"
"I apologized to each of you like five hundred times, Damian accepted it after the first and he's the one I nearly beat to death. Why can't you accept that I'm truly, truly sorry about that?"
"Shut up!" Gorian said remembering his brother's condition in the hospital. "Now listen to me, you are to up the voltage so I can be damn sure that thing doesn't hurt my little brother. Got me? Now do it!" He let go of Rex and scowled. He was truly worried about his brother's safety, and had been since their days in high school. Rex understood and adjusted the power of the collar then stood.
"It's done," he said with a small smile. Gorian nodded and said.
"Good. Now let's go. We gotta show Damian to the office he'll be using for his interviews." Stone smirked at Croc's unconscious body then nodded.
"Alright, let's go."
"Wow," I said softly in awe at the condition of Edward Nigma's cell. It was a messy, and he had green question marks written all over his cell, even on the ceiling. There in the bed, in a green and purple jumpsuit, with the number, 140; sat the Riddler. He had untidy, bushy orange hair and a smirk on his face. He wore his purple domino mask that he always wore, the one Lilly allowed him to wear; she knew it made him feel more comfortable. As he rose he did a little twirl and bowed low.
"Why, hello Warden," he said in a chipper and yet, sadistic tone. His left eye was violet and the right was green. "To what do I owe this unexpected and joyous visit?" Lilly bowed back, I did the same.
"Hello, Edward," Lilly greeted. "How are you today?"
"Fine, Warden, thank you so very, very much for asking," The Riddler said. His two-colored eyes landed on me. "And who, may I ask, is this young gentleman standing her next to you?" He gasped and said. "This wouldn't happen to be the esteemed, younger brother, you tell me about oh, so much, would it?"
"Yes it is, Edward," Lilly replied with a smile. "He's the newest doctor here and will be giving interviews to a patient during his time here." He bowed to me this time and said.
"Well a thousand hellos doctor."
"Hello, Edward," I replied with a genuine smile.
"Riddler to you if you please," Nigma said with a small but evil smile.
"Of course, Riddler, whatever makes you feel more comfortable," I confirmed smiling.
"I must ask doctor," Nigma said. "Have you seen any of my work?"
"The riddle-based schemes that you often use to foil the Batman and Gotham's finest? Yes," I confirmed. "I must say…I'm impressed by them." Lilly and The Riddler both looked at me in subtle disbelief. "I mean you set up these bombs and such with a deactivation trigger that can be activated by solving a riddle. You give the people of Gotham a chance to save themselves. I want to relate it to Harvey Dent, Two-Face, but I must say you spare many by your own good-graces." The Riddler's eyes twinkled with pride as he smiled.
"Yes, yes!" He cried happily. "You are correct, doctor! No other doctor has seen this as you have, so you understand that I'm weeding out…"
"The unintelligent citizens? In a certain means, I can see how that's…true…actually." Nigma's face lit up even brighter.
"You are truly a brilliant mind, doctor, I can tell, I can tell indeed! I wonder…do you mind if I ask you a riddle? To test you I mean…" I smiled and shrugged.
"I'd love to take that challenge," I replied softly. He looked at Lilly.
"Do you mind warden?" Nigma asked almost childishly.
"I don't see the harm in one riddle," she said with a smile.
"Excellent!" Nigma exclaimed.
"It won't mean my life if I answer incorrectly will it?"
"No, no, no," Nigma laughed. "There's no way for me to kill you anyway." I shrugged and said.
"Ask me as you please, my friend."
"Let's see…" he pondered quietly. "I need a good one for your apparent intellect." He thought for a moment then snapped his fingers and said.
"With potent, flowery words speak I,
Of something common, vulgar, dry;
I weave webs of pedantic prose,
In effort to befuddle those,
Who think I while time away,
In lofty things, above all day
The common kind that linger where
Monadic beings live and fare;
Practical I may not be,
But life, it seems, is full of me!"
"What is it, doctor?" Nigma asked with childish delight. I put my index finger and thumb to my chin and looked down thinking hard. I went through every word and syllable as though my life did, indeed, depend on it. I went over the entire riddle at least five times in my head, and even speaking it softly aloud once or twice. It was a puzzling riddle in the grammar he spoke it in. I was about to ask him for the answer when I looked at his wall, then his ceiling, then his floor. Then it dawned on me as though it were right in front of me this whole time.
"Why…it's A Riddle!" I said excitedly. The Riddler was as giddy as a schoolgirl shaking hands with the member of her favorite boy band.
"You are, indeed, truly of brilliant intellect doctor! You have answered one of the toughest riddles I have to offer and it only took you three minutes, forty-seven seconds, and thirteen milliseconds!" He clapped his hands and said. "You are indeed a formidable foe, Doctor Rykotsu!"
"And you truly are a brilliant mind, Mr. Riddler," I replied.
"Please," he said bowing low again. "Call me Edward…"
"There you are!" Stone exclaimed as we stepped back into Lilly's office. "Where were you guys we've been waiting her for like thirty minutes!" Lilly giggled and said.
"Our new doctor achieved respect from Mr. Nigma."
"The Riddler?" Rex asked with a surprised look. "Wow man, that's not easy to do. Did you answer one of his riddles correctly?" He asked. I nodded.
"Right, on to more pressing matters," Gorian said interrupting. "You're interview is gonna start in less than half an hour, we need to get you set up for your interview then we need to fetch Jones. Let's go."
Everything was set up according to protocol and I was sitting at the table in the office specified, one big enough for croc to stand in. I had Croc's dossier in front of me and a audio recorder in front of me to record my interview. I looked around at the bland walls and frowned. "I don't think he'll be very comfortable here," I told Lilly who was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. "It's bland and boring and unsettling."
"I know, I hate these things, I've sent in orders asking if I could brighten then up but the higher-ups said that the whole point was to interview them, not make them comfortable, bastards," Lilly said lifting herself off the wall and walking up to the table. "Are you sure you're ready? I mean we can wait about a day or two if you want."
I shook my head. "Nah, I'm ready. I'm eager to meet Mr. Jones. I hope to at least help a little in our interviews. But I don't wanna rush him. I'll go at a pace most comfortable to him." She smiled and nodded.
"Okay, as you wish." She kissed my forehead and walked out the door.
I took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Okay…" I turned on the recorder.
Damian Rykotsu: Uh…okay…this is Damian Rykotsu, newly appointed Psychiatrist here at Arkham Asylum…I'm interviewing Patient 358. Waylon Jones, AKA Killer Croc. It is…October seventeenth, five-twenty-seven p.m…I've been very eager to start this interview and remind the audience that it is my first interview so I may be a bit rusty…
Door slides open…footsteps enter…
Gorian Rykotsu: He's here. You want me to send him in or do you need a bit more time to prepare?
Damian Rykotsu: No send him in please. I'm ready.
Gorian Rykotsu: Alright we'll be right outside if you need us.
Damian Rykotsu: Thank you…I'll be fine.
Heavy footsteps enter room…chains ring and clang together…
Damian Rykotsu: Ah…Mr. Jones…thank you for taking the time for this little interview…you may sit or stand whichever you prefer. I'm Damian Rykotsu, I'll be your psychiatrist and interviewer for the days to come here at Arkham.
Chains jingle…chair slides…Croc sits…
Killer Croc: Well, well, well…this is the new doctor they have to examine my head…eh?
Damian Rykotsu: Yes Mr. Jones, or would you prefer Waylon? Mr. Waylon? Jones? Killer Croc? Or perhaps just Croc?
Heavy breathing and light growling…
Killer Croc: I don't give a shit what you call me…but know this…doc…I've got your scent now. There's nowhere in this puny little prison you can run…
Damian Rykotsu: That's fine, I've no need to run…tell me…this whole "scent" thing you do…is it real? Can you truly track me by my scent?
Killer Croc: Oh yes…doc…I can hunt you down with merely my sniffer here…and its locked on you…so tell me…doc…is this the part where you try to get inside my head and figure out why I did all of those nasty things I did?
Damian Rykotsu: I don't like to think of it as "getting inside your head" I'd like to think of it more as…getting to know you…believe it or not I'm not here to merely be your doctor, Mr. Jones, I'm more here to, if you'll mind the horrid cliché, be your friend…and I know how stupid that must sound…
Killer Croc: …
Damian Rykotsu: Now if I may…I'd like to start from…the beginning I guess…have you always had this skin condition, Mr. Jones?
Heavy breathing continues…growls…
Killer Croc: Yep…these scales have painted this ol' Croc's body since my mamma popped me out of her belly…and since…other doctors say I'm a medical anomaly. A miracle fit for the medical books. Do you like my scales…doc? Do you think they make me look like a freak?
Damian Rykotsu: No.
Killer Croc: …
Damian Rykotsu: Honestly Mr. Jones…Do you honestly think anybody is actually…normal?
Killer Croc: (laughs) Have you taken a good look at me doc? I'm not your garden-variety bastard.
Damian Rykotsu: The scales, I think, add to your uniqueness…I think they make you who you are…they're, how can I say this, your calling card I guess…
Killer Croc: …
Damian Rykotsu: Now when you were a boy you were tormented by the boys at your school is this correct?
Killer Croc: Yeah…doc…they were horrible. Makes me wish I'd eaten them when I had the chance…(laughs)…
Damian Rykotsu: I see…well if you can believe it, Mr. Jones, I can relate to you…
Killer Croc: Oh…?
Damian Rykotsu: Yes…you see I was in a private school for very discriminative young men. I mean it when I say discriminative. They hated everyone! If you weren't a true American, which none of us really are honestly, then you weren't worth shit in their eyes…you see…I'm half Japanese...hence the surname…and I was tortured and beat up as a boy.
Croc Growls
Killer Croc: I'm not convinced, doc…I see what you're trying to do. You're trying to get into my head but it's not gonna work. I've been through many of these patient interview sessions before. And scared most of the doctors away, if not ate them…(laughs)…
Damian Rykotsu: I heard. I must say that's impressive. I suppose it's a lot like Mr. Nigma, though instead of weeding out the morons, you're weeding out the weak. I think its good of you to scare those who can't handle this job off. Now then…let me see…says here that one day you just got fed up with all of the bullying and when your tormentors came back you actually attacked one and nearly killed him. This was when you were a small boy too.
Killer Croc: I got tired of being fucked with…(laughs)…wish I could find him again. I'd rip him apart and make a full-course meal out of him. (laughs)
Damian Rykotsu: I see so let me see…you'd eat him? Why? Why eat people? Is it an urge to get back at humanity from your trials and tribulations as a child or do you just enjoy the flavor?
Killer Croc: You're really asking me this doc? You're for real?
Damian Rykotsu: Oh yes…I'd really like to know the answer.
Killer Croc: Because I fucking can.
Damian Rykotsu: I see, you know, honestly, that's a very commonly used reason. And it's the best reason to use that actually makes since. Sure as hell better than just saying "Because…" and that's it.
Killer Croc: I'm interested in what you taste like, doc. I'm also wondering what I would use to cook you with…(laughs)…
Damian Rykotsu: Hm…not sure. I've never tried human flesh before. Is it good?
Croc Growls…
Killer Croc: You makin' fun of me doc? I don't like to be mocked.
Damian Rykotsu: I'm not mocking you Mr. Jones. I'm merely asking a question.
Killer Croc: It's tasty. The best meat I've ever eaten.
Damian Rykotsu: I see…interesting…
Silence…
Door opens…
Gorian Rykotsu: Damian, time's up. We gotta take Croc back to his cell. Let's go Jones.
Killer Croc: (laughs) Until next time…doc…
Damian Rykotsu: Very well. I'll see you next time Mr. Jones. Tomorrow at three p.m. Until then and if I may. I'd like to go into your times at your reform school. When they sent you after you attacked the young tormentor. Is that fine with you?
Killer Croc: Whatever you say, doc….(laughs)
Click…End of Interview
