Amy got her first crush on a boy when she was fifteen years old. All of her friends had begun crushing on boys when they were twelve, but not Amy. She remained leery of boys and not entirely convinced that they didn't have cooties.
Until she met Eric. He wasn't especially handsome, in fact his there was something weird about his hair. It just never looked right. It was messy and looked as though it'd be impossible to make neat. But he was so smart, as Amy learned when they were paired up together in biology. He was smart and he made Amy want to be smarter. Amy loved that he was so serious and so studious, and that he cared about his grades and worried about getting in to the right college. Once he opened up a little bit, he was nice and wonderful to Amy and took to walking her to her next class.
Amy never told anyone about her crush on Eric. She kept it from her friends, her mother, and even her older sister with whom she shared everything. Amy loved that she had this secret and for several weeks, she was the happiest she'd ever been. A Sadie Hawkins Dance was being planned, where the girls asked the boys, and Amy couldn't stop daydreaming about asking Eric. Hoping he'd say yes, even though he didn't seem like a boy who would enjoy dances.
On December 11th of Amy's fifteenth year, her life was suddenly altered. She sat in homeroom daydreaming of Eric, when her teacher walked in, looking solemn. The class quieted down and the teacher sat on the edge of his desk.
"I have some bad news about one of our students. Last night, a car accident took the life of Eric O'Neal and his mother."
The teacher went on about funeral arrangements and grief counselors, but Amy couldn't hear. She felt like she was being sucked through a dark tunnel with no escape. Her heart started pounding and she couldn't catch her breath and she began seeing stars surrounding her head. The teacher approached her, asked her something that she couldn't hear. All she could see was his mouth moving. He gently pulled her by the arm and took her to the grief counselor.
It was bad and it was horrible and nothing can compare to losing your first crush in such a horrific way. Amy never forgave herself for not saying something to Eric about how she felt. And she became crushed under the weight of wanting to tell people she loved everything, and being afraid to love them too hard in case she lost them.
Until she met Alan. Amy was nineteen and in college when she met him. Alan worked at the grocery store as a Manager-in-Training. He was only one year older than she was, but he seemed so much more worldly. Alan took her breath away and their new romance was whirlwind.
On December 11th, like she did every year, Amy became depressed, thinking about Eric. Wondering what his life would have been, wondering if he would have said yes to the Sadie Hawkins dance.
Alan came over that evening to Amy's dorm room. He understood she was depressed about something, though she wouldn't talk to him about it. He kissed her and reassured her that he loved her and could talk to her about anything.
Rather than have to tell him, Amy pulled Alan to her bed and they made love. It wasn't the first time for them, but it was the most tender, the most intimate and definitely the best for both of them.
One month later, Alan came to pick Amy up for a Saturday afternoon date. She was still in her pajamas.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
She handed him the stick with two pink lines, "If it's a boy, I want to name him Eric," she said tears in her eyes.
Alan hugged her and stroked her hair and whispered in her ear, "It'll be all right. I'll take care of you. I love you."
When Amy and Alan welcomed baby Eric into the world, Amy looked at her new son and couldn't help wondering if he'd resemble his namesake at all. Studious, serious, smarter than you can imagine, and maybe, just maybe he'd have a horrible head of hair that couldn't be tamed.
