I had my elbows on my knees as I watched the children run around on the playground playing. They weren't really playing on the set but one who seemed nervous to be on it.

"Why do always come here?" A voice asked.

I didn't have to look to know who it was.

"I thought I told you not to come here any more."

"I came to talk to you." They said sitting.

I sighed looking at the ground. Then those words greeted me from across the playground.

"Come on. It'll be ok." He chuckled.

I looked up watching the scene. A little girl with a plain shirt and pants on stood at the top of the tallest slide looking nervous as a man stood at the bottom.

"I'm scared daddy."

"I'm right here. It will be ok I promise."

She shook her head stepping away from the edge.

"I don't want to."

She didn't understand, she was new to it. Just a simple slide that was harmless scared her because it was unknown to her.

"Little moose, come on. I'm right here. It will be ok."

She stood there for a moment then sat on the edge of the slide. She went down shrieking slightly but he caught her at the end smiling at her in his arms.

"See? Now was that so bad Alyssa?"

"Again!" I squealed with delight.

Dad laughed putting me down and I sprinted to slid again. I sighed looking at the ground once again.

"It is better times. That's why I come here when I dream." I said.

"How long have you been able to control them?" They questioned.

"Month, not the visions though. Now why do you want to talk to me?"

I looked at the scene of me sliding again but with more confidence.

"You said your father was dead."

"He is. He would have returned, taken my calls, something if he was still alive." I told them putting a hand through my hair.

"I have reasons to believe he is alive."

"What do you mean?" I asked looking at them.

I was a bit startled by how their look. Beside me sat the angel of the lord, Castiel. But he didn't look like Castiel. He was a normal man wearing a trench coat and a business outfit under it with a tie on, but it was on wrong.

"That's a new look." I commented.

"I needed it." He looked at me then back at my dream curiously

"Why? I can see you normally."

"That is why I came. Both of them might be alive."

"What? No. There is no way. They would have tried to contact me or Jo at least. Bobby would have told me too."

He looked into my eyes with the same expression no matter what form. Bland.

"There is a reason I believe this. When you wake go to Bobby Singer's. There you will find answers."

Now he disappeared and I looked around before hitting the bench. He always did that! The past four months that's all he did.

"Damn you." I muttered before closing my eyes.

I yawned awake seeing daylight streaming in. It was five in the morning. Yup, normal day. I sighed. I knew I had to listen to him. His advice had never steered me wrong once. So I took a shower, got dressed, and had my bag packed by five-thirty.

Picking up my keys, I left the room. I knocked on the door next to my room and Jo answered.

"What's up?"

"I have something I need to do." I told her.

She looked at me confused. "What do you mean? Did you have…"

I hated lying to her but I had to since I couldn't tell her about them, the angels. I wasn't even suppose to know they existed.

"Yeah, and I have to go alone. I swear I'll call but you know I can handle myself."

She looked back at her room then nodded.

"You better go then."

"Thanks Jo. I'll see you on the flip side."

She nodded closing her door and I went to my car. Her mom joined us not long ago. Maybe two months after when I was…sort of adjusted.

I popped open the trunk putting my bag in with my loaded arsenal the same way dad and Dean had it. I took a shaky breath before getting into the driver's seat. I looked at the dash and there sat Hope on my journal. It had only been four months. I was still not over it, not by a long shot. Though he claimed they were alive…

I took a few deep breaths.

"Let's get to Bobby's first Alyssa." I muttered running my hand over Hope's head before driving.

My bracelet jingled quietly and I gripped the wheel tighter. The days got easier to go through but it was far from perfect. A lot changed in the four months and it helped but it was never going to be perfect. Not without my family.

I had talked to Bobby a little. Not a lot but enough to stay connected with him. Them being gone took it's toll on him too but we both tried to muddle through. Bobby never told me what got my family but he did give me a gift from Dean. I nearly cried my eyes when I got when he gave me Dean's leather jacket he left me "just in case."

I drove through a few hours stopping at Bobby's at noon. I got out grabbing Hope and my journal putting them in the leather jacket before going to the door.

"Bobby! It's me." I called knocking.

It was silent for a moment before Bobby opened the door. I smiled slightly holding my arms open. He gave a small smiled before hugging me back.

"Hey Alyssa." We let go. "What are you doing here?"

"I had a freaky." I shrugged. "It lead here."

His expression changed slightly then he composed it but I got too good at the job. Something was different.

"Bobby, what's up?" I asked putting my hands in my pockets.

"Nothing." He tried to convince me.

I shook my head before pushing past him looking around before going into the study looking over at him as he closed the door.

"Bobby, I've been hunting for a bit now. I know when your lying."

"Alyssa, wait." He said as I saw nothing wrong with the study before turning towards the kitchen and immediately froze when I saw someone stand from the computer.

I blinked watching him. No, I was dreaming. All of this was a dream that I was controlling again. I was hopeful. I was always hopeful. That's why I could never get rid of Hope.

"Hey kid. That jacket looks good on you." Dean said putting his hands in his pockets.

"Y…you're…" I turned to Bobby then Dean before slipping my hand into my jeans pocket and pulling out a silver knife and pointing it at him. "You're…you're not Dean."

"Come on kid." He told me holding up his hands. "Bobby's already gone through this."

"I have Alyssa. It's him." Bobby said. "He's not a demon and he's not a shapeshifter."

My hand shook slightly before I dropped the knife. I couldn't help it even though my gut told me not to. I ran at him and took him into a hug. I cried on his shoulder while I clutched his shirt. He hugged me back and everything felt right again. Well…almost.

"Where…Where's dad?" I asked letting him go.

Dean watched me looking at Bobby then me. "He's not with you?"

"Is…is he still…" I put a hand over my mouth. I couldn't say it.

"Wait, Sam died? Since when did Sam die?"

I watched Dean then slowly looked at Bobby. Both of him where giving him questioning looks.

"Balls." He said.

"What Bobby?" I questioned.

"Look, he forced me to Alyssa."

"He forced to do what Bobby?" I growled quietly.

Forget sad. I was far past sad. I was pissed.

"Sam's been alive." He sighed.

"He's been what?!" I screamed. "You told me him and Dean were dead! But dad…he…why the fuck did he tell you not to tell me?!"

"He thought it was better for you. Trust me Alyssa when I said it was a bad idea."

I was reeling. Four months. Four months I thought dad was dead! I whirled to Dean tears of anger falling now.

"Were…were you alive too?" I asked.

"No. I…I was dead."

I hugged Dean tightly now crying from so many different emotions coursing through me.

"I'm going to kick Sam's ass." Dean muttered. "It's ok kid. It will be ok."

I was standing there for a good few minutes when I could finally compose myself. I let go of Dean and took deep breaths.

"Ok, ok." I nodded. "Well…let's find dad."

"Already a step ahead of you kid." He told me going back to the computer.

He typed something in and I now noticed the beer bottles all around.

"Bobby, what is with all this?" I asked picking on up.

"Last few months ain't been all that easy."

I scoffed putting the bottle down. "Tell me about it. What…what were you guys hunting?"

Dean glanced at me when the computer beeped so that gave him an excuse not to tell me. He looked back at it.

"Sam's in Pontiac, Illinois." Dean told us.

"Right near where you were planted."

"Right where I popped up. Hell of a coincidence, don't you think?"

"Well then…let's go talk to him. We can take my car." I said before going for the door.

I took shaky breaths looking around once I was on the porch.

"Castiel, why would you send me back to this?" I thought before going to my car.

Bobby and Dean soon joined me and I started driving. I drove about two miles before I spoke.

"Now start talking. What happened?" I demanded.

Dean sighed. "Remember when I told you about Bela's deal?"

"Of course."

He was silent for a moment. I glanced at him then the road.

"You made one didn't you?"

"I did. Mine…it was only a year. Exactly a year after Sam died."

I gripped the wheel. "At that ghost town?" I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye. "So…you went to hell. You…you were killed by hellhounds and went to hell?"

"I did."

I took a deep breath. "That's what you were hiding from me all year?"

"Yeah, we didn't want you to worry about it."

"What if I could have helped?" I countered.

"You're still new to hunting kid. You couldn't have done much."

"I'm new to hunting?" I pulled out my journal and pulled up the page right after my last diary moment. I shoved it at Dean. "Read."

He took it and started to flip pages. I blinked tears back quietly as I remembered when it started.

~W~

Flashback

I sat on the bed quietly typing on my laptop. Jo didn't think I was ready enough. It had only been a week but I needed to get my mind off of it. We were going after a werewolf and I was researching a few things.

I found something interesting and looked around for pen and paper but there was none. I went through my bag and stopped when I saw my journal. I sat for a long moment thinking about my grandfather's journal. I pulled my journal out and ran my hand over the last entry I put in, still incomplete.

I gulped quietly before turning to the next page. I took a small breath before starting to write. Just like my grandfather, this was my hunting journal. This would be my legacy.

~W~

Present
"How much have you hunted?" He asked.

"As much as Jo and I could." I answered. "Or, of course, where my visions led me."

"You still have visions? Dean questioned giving me the journal and I put it back in my pocket.

"Yup. They tend to be more useful. I've got better at making sure they give useful information."

"What else can you do?"

I glanced at him then the road. "Only that."

He nodded as I just kept on driving.

~W~

I parked where Dean said dad signal had been. It was not a good hotel. These were the kind of places Jo and I avoided when we could. The three of us got out and went in. Dean and Bobby told me the whole story on the way. The whole nine yards with Lilith, Ruby, and everything to where they thought dad brought Dean out of hell with another deal.

Now they both tried to convince the guy at the front desk for dad's room until I came over and got us in with a quick slip of my hand across the desk with a small bill.

I got better at bribing, hustling, stealing; being a hunter wasn't easy. Pay was shit too so I had to get through some how.

Dean took lead and knocked on a door with the number 207 inside a red heart. I stood behind them quietly as the door was opened…by a woman with dark hair, wearing only a tank top and underwear. She looked at us expectantly.

"So where is it?" She asked.

Dean looked at us confused before looking at her again. "Where's what?"

"The pizza…that takes two guys and a girl to deliver?"

"I think we got the wrong room." I said.

Then he walked out. All of us stood there paralyzed. None of us expected to see the other. I thought Dean and Bobby were lying to say the truth. But there dad stood and it made the lie even harder to bear.

"Heya, Sammy." Dean said now.

Dad didn't speak or move. Dean walked in towards him as I stood there processing all of my emotions when dad all the sudden sprung at Dean with a knife. Dean blocked his attacks as Bobby and I rushed in pulling the two apart.

"Who are you?!" Dad shouted as Bobby held him back while he struggled and I stood next to Dean.

"Like you didn't do this?!" Dean shouted back.

"Do what?!"

"It's him! It's him! I've been through this already, it's really him." Bobby told dad.

Now dad slowly stopped struggling. "What…?"

Dean went over to him slowly. "I know. I look fantastic, huh?"

Bobby let go of dad and he went over to Dean quickly pulling him into a tight hug. I watched the both of them as dad was on the brink of tears, and so was I. Here stood my father, who I had thought for four months had been dead, but now he's here. Just…why would he do this to me?

When the two of them let go dad finally looked at me. The two of us watched each other for a moment.

"Alyssa." He said getting a small smile.

"Why?" I asked feeling the tears already starting to spill. "Why the fuck would you let me believe you were dead?!"

"I didn't want you to get hurt. I was doing something huge and…I couldn't lose you too."

"No Winchester left behind!" I screamed.

He came over quickly pulling me into a hug. "I know. And I've regretted it since but I felt better knowing you were safe."

It was always hard to be angry with my father. I was still majorly ticked off in every way possible because I shed so many tears for him. I thought all my hope for this life was just gone. Jo and Castiel helped me build it up again but…when your father and uncle that you went through thick and thin with die, you just struggle to no end. But now that he was back…

I held onto him tightly crying. "You asshole!"

"I know. I know." He muttered.

"You're such a fucking asshole! That was a dick move! I thought you were gone!"

I was basically torn between happiness and anger. So I combined them as I hugged him and screamed at him. It was my father after all. What could he have done? He always did the good things. It just…it just felt good to have him here. Back in front of me right now.

Once the moment calmed down dad just held me with his arm around my shoulders when I realized there was someone else in the room.

"So are you two like…together?" The woman asked.

"What? No. No. She's my daughter."

"Oh…got it. I…I guess. Look, I should probably go."

"Yeah. Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Sorry."

Dad had changed while Bobby and I sat on the chairs and Dean leaned on a dresser. Dad walked her to the door as the three of us watched.

"So, call me." She smiled at him.

"Yeah. Yeah, sure thing, Kathy."

"Kristy." She looked disappointed.

"Right." Dad said.

Damn he was an asshole to girls. I didn't really ever know that about my dad. Then again, I've never seen him with a woman. She left now and dad shut the door turning to us an and sitting down as well. Now everyone turned suspicious on him. We still hadn't confirmed dad was what dragged Dean out.

"So tell me, what'd it cost?" Dean asked.

Dad looked at him smiling. "The girl? I don't pay, Dean."

"That's not funny, Sam. To bring me back. What'd it cost? Was it just your soul, or was it something worse?"

"You think I made a deal?"

"That's exactly what we think." Bobby told him.

"Well, I didn't."

"Don't lie to me." Dean said.

"I'm not lying."

Dean started to advance on him. "So what now, I'm off the hook and you're on, is that it? You're some demon's bitch-boy? I didn't want to be saved like this."

"Look, Dean, I wish I had done it, all right?"

Did my family just like to die or something? Then things were slowly escalating as Dean grabbed the front of dad's shirt. Bobby and I stood waiting.

"There's no other way that this could have gone down. Now tell the truth!"

"I tried everything." Dad said breaking his grip. "That's the truth. I tried opening the Devil's Gate. Hell, I tried to bargain, Dean, but no demon would deal, all right? Why do you think I left my own daughter alone? So she wouldn't get caught it. You were rotting in Hell for months. For months, and I couldn't stop it. So I'm sorry it wasn't me, all right? Dean, I'm sorry."

I watched the two of them, mostly dad. We must have both gone for the same path. I hunted. I knew exactly how to get a deal across. I wanted to, but of course no one would deal with me either. One being my father was still alive. The other…well I didn't know why.

As I watched dad I saw just a wave of guilt wash over him though. Everything he did, he regretted. Dad wasn't that easily getting off the hook, but at least I knew he didn't want to leave me alone.

"It's okay, Sammy. You don't have to apologize, I believe you." Dean assured him.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm gladdened that Sam's soul remains intact, but it does raise a sticky question." Bobby reminded us.

"If he didn't pull me out, then what did?" Dean agreed.

Now dad looked at me.

"Oh come on really? I was about ready to stab him." I told him. "Well…I don't know what I was thinking. I just didn't think it could be my dead uncle."

"How'd you even know to come to Bobby's right then?" Dean questioned now.

"Hey, a psychic has perks." I smirked knowing Castiel wouldn't be happy if I told them about him.

"You still have you psychic stuff?" Dad asked going into the fridge.

"Yeah, it's helped Jo and me a few good times."

"Ever help you cheat on a test?" Dean joked.

"I wouldn't know if it would because I quit school."

Dad and Dean looked at me surprised but Bobby didn't. He knew about my decision.

"It didn't feel right." I sighed. "I didn't have you guys so I was a total mess ok? Hunting helped me too. Killing some form of the son of a bitch that took out my family felt right. Besides, I was trying to track down Lilith half the time."

"You were what?!" They all shouted and I winced at the sudden yells.

"What?!" I questioned throwing up my hands. "I see her killing people left and right! I had to do something about the bitch! And if I had known she was the reason Dean died and dad fucked off I would have tried harder!"

Dad looked guilty as he came over with beers Dean gladly drinking looking like I might just give him a heart attack.

"Alyssa, Lilith is centuries old demon. She knows and can do things you would never be able to do." Dean told me.

"Don't you think I know this? " I asked pointing to myself. "I'm a seventeen year old woman that sees the police station happen a lot. She has hundreds of other victims too and I see what she does." I leaned back in my seat crossing my arms. "So don't tell me what I do and don't know."

Dean was shocked by my attitude now. Hunting and them being gone changed me for better or for worse.

Now dad cleared his throat as he offered me a water bottle and I took it. "Well, once I figured out I couldn't save you, I started hunting down Lilith too, trying to get some payback myself. That's the whole reason I left but I guess that didn't help."

"Nope." I muttered taking a drink.

"You two hunting Lilith down all by yourself?" He looked at dad. "Who do you think you are, your old man?"

Dean all the sudden got up now and I watched as he walked across the room.

"Uh, yeah, I'm sorry, Bobby. I should have called. I was pretty messed up." Dad told him.

"Oh yeah. I really feel your pain." Dean said now and I snorted seeing a pink bra.

I felt so much better about my dad leaving me and getting laid after. Dean put it down as he went over to him.

"That's another bone I really want to pick with you now. You left Alyssa alone, with Jo, to think you were dead? Now I know she's been hunting Lilith and quit school because of all of it while you've been here screwin' some girl?"

"You did it all the time when we were hunting. And I've said it several times, I was hunting Lilith and I thought she'd be safer."

"Dude, you being away from Alyssa should not be any where in the same sentence together and you're not me, you're a father. Damn it Sam this was not cool."

I was quite surprised by my uncle's need to say this but not at the same time. Dean broke out only to find things different from how he left them and his family in different pieces. It make any body just snap.

"I get that..."

"No, I don't think you did at the time. You were like dad trying to track down the demon again. Can't make the same reckless moves with your kid around so you left her except she really thought you were dead." Dad looked both angry and guilty about the statement about his dad. I knew that he didn't give them the best life compared to mine so comparing dad to my grandfather, that struck a nerve. "I don't want to hear about this kind of shit happening again Sam or I swear to god I will kick your ass."

"Yeah alright." Dad nodded.

Dean smacked him on the back of the head now before sitting down. Dad looked at me guilty and sorry before going on with what was at hand.

"Anyways, uh, I was checking these demons out of Tennessee, and out of nowhere they took a hard left, booked up here."

"When?" I asked.

"Yesterday morning."

"When I busted out." Dean commented.

"You think these demons are here 'cause of you?" Bobby questioned.

"But why?" I countered.

"Well, I don't know – some badass demon drags me out and now this? It's gotta be connected somehow." Dean tried.

"How you feelin', anyway?" Bobby asked him.

"I'm a little hungry."

I smiled at that. That sounded like Dean.

"No, I mean, do you feel like yourself? Anything strange, or different?" Bobby pressed and I tilted my head.

"Or demonic? Bobby, how many times do I have to prove I'm me?" Dean asked.

"He's got a point." I said. "No demon's letting you loose out of the goodness of their hearts. They've gotta have something nasty planned."

"Well, I feel fine."

"Okay, look, we don't know what they're planning. We got a pile of questions and no shovel. We need help." Dad stated.

"I know a psychic. A few hours from here. Something this big, maybe she's heard the other side talking." Bobby told us.

"Hell yeah, it's worth a shot." Dean shrugged.

"I'll be right back." He said before leaving.

Dean got up to probably follow him when dad spoke up. "Hey wait." He stood up. "You probably want this back."

He took off something around his neck and gave it to Dean. I stood up as well seeing it was Dean's amulet necklace.

"Thanks." Dean nodded.

"Yeah, don't mention it." Dean put on the amulet as I noticed something else smiling.

"You both kept them on." They looked at me confused and I pointed to their wrists and they both smiled as well. They both still had my bracelets on.

"Well I just couldn't take off what my little moose angel gave me." Dad told me and I chuckled. Dad really hadn't changed.

"I'm going to my car. I need to do something."

They both nodded before I left. I didn't see Bobby as I went out into the parking lot. I sat on the hood of my car looking around before speaking: "Castiel."

"Yes?" He asked appearing and sitting next to me.

"Care telling me what broke my uncle out of hell? Oh, and why you didn't tell me my father was alive earlier?"

He looked away from me slightly. "It wasn't the right time."

"It wasn't the right time? Castiel, you had to save me from a crossroads demon and you didn't think it was time to tell?"

"Everything in it's own time Alyssa."

I groaned throwing my head back as I heard his wings flutter. "Whatever you say feathers!"

Castiel was always so vague. He even completely avoided what broke Dean out of hell. I had to break him from being so secretive and I would succeed if it was the last thing I did.


Edit: I added a bit of new dialog with Dean and Sam relating to Sam leaving Alyssa due to a review I agreed with after reading it. I hope it makes things a bit better for those of you that read before this edit. Thank you for your opinion. :)