Author's Note: I'm brand new to Fan Fiction. This is my very first story. I've never really fancied myself as a writer,
but have recently found that writing my own E/C stories helps lessen the frustration of having to watch what the show's
writers have come up with. I won't get into a rant about the 9x2 locker room scene, since you don't know me...yet!
Going with what they started, this is MY version of what happened after 9x2. Enjoy! ~Jen
Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with CSI:Miami. These characters aren't mine, I just borrowed them for this
particular journey. CBS can have them back (reluctantly) when I'm done!
Chapter 1
Eric stood in front of his locker quickly trying to gather his things. He really wanted to be able to slip out without seeing or having to speak to anyone now that his shift was over. He felt slightly selfish for feeling that way, but for the past few weeks he'd not been feeling very social. Truth be told, he knew how horrible he was at hiding his emotions, and with the way his emotions had been swirling around him lately, making him feel extremely off-kilter, he knew someone was bound to call him on it. And he really wasn't ready to have to defend himself just yet. The inevitable "I'm fine" he'd offer up when his colleagues questioned what was wrong would no doubt not be accepted, and he wasn't in the mood to explain…and he was too tired to try to perpetuate the lie.
As Eric fiddled in his locker, he caught himself angrily mumbling "like family, my ass…", and realized, yet again, that yes…he'd let his mind go there. Frustrated with himself, he slammed his locker shut and was putting on his jacket when he heard it. The one sound that used to be music to his ears, but now only caused him to tense and fight to make sure his defensive walls were in place. Ironic, really, that he was now the one with the walls when for so long they'd belonged to her. He contemplated trying to make a run for it, to get out the door before she knew he was there. But he realized that no matter how he felt, that would just be childish and he just had to man up and face her. Within seconds, he heard the unmistakable clicking of her heels approach their row of lockers, and then she appeared.
Calleigh noticed Eric and quickly greeted him with a cheery "Hey, Eric!" He looked towards her, replied with an unemotional "Hey, Calleigh" and turned his attention to his bag, which he'd just extracted from his locker. There was nothing really exciting about that bag, but it was something to hold his attention, since he couldn't bring himself to look at her. Calleigh noticed that, once again, she was going to get the cold-shoulder, but she pressed on, trying to forge the friendly relationship that she was so desperately hoping she and Eric could still have. Not giving up, she decided to try a little small talk.
"It was nice to have such an open and shut case today, huh? It's nice when the 'bad guys' make it easy on us on a Friday afternoon."
He forced a smile and responded without looking at her, "Yeah, that's always good."
She sighed deeply. This wasn't going well.
"So I know this is your week where you get the whole weekend off. No on-calls. Any big plans?"
"Calleigh, I can't…" Eric suddenly caught himself. He didn't want to do this here…not now. So, with his attention still on the bag in his hand and not on her, he re-started.
"Actually, I picked up an extra shift this weekend. Natalia's sister is having a birthday party, so I offered to work her shift so she could go."
Calleigh eyed Eric with a very serious look. He'd been doing that a lot lately – throwing himself into his work. In the past, Eric wasn't well known for his punctuality, but recently she'd often noticed him in the lab before she arrived for her shift, still in the lab when she was leaving for the day, and working on days that should have been his days off. She was concerned for him.
"Eric, you've been picking up a lot of overtime. You really need to have some time for yourself. I don't want you to get run-down or burnt out or…"
Eric's control snapped. Was he being irrational? Maybe. But he just couldn't stand here one more second and listen to her voicing her concern for his well being, so he interrupted her.
"Calleigh, look. I just can't do this, okay?" He looked her in the eyes for the first time since she entered the locker room, and he saw concern and confusion there. There goes the "not here, not now" theory. He couldn't keep up this pretense any longer, so he finally let out all the things he'd been keeping inside.
"I guess I should be grateful that you say you still care for me. I've never really maintained good relationships with my ex's, and the fact that you claim to love me like you love your family, I guess like you love your brothers - that should make me feel good. That you still want me to be a part of your life. But Calleigh, I…I just don't love you that way."
Calleigh felt her blood start to boil. After over 10 years of friendship, all the things they had shared together – how could he just…not care? Eric didn't give her a chance to respond. He shrugged his shoulders, stared at his feet, because he just couldn't look into those eyes anymore, and continued.
"I don't love you like I love my sisters, Calleigh. It's different in every possible way. I don't dream, every single night, about making love to them. I don't dream about having babies with them. I never once bought any of them a ring that I hid in my drawer in a pair of socks, hoping they wouldn't find it, waiting for the perfect moment to ask them to marry me. I don't look at them and see them as being my future…my everything. That was all you, Calleigh. I love my sisters, but I'm in love with you. So I appreciate that you want to be friends with me. I do. But I can't do that. I can't be just friends with you. Not after what we had. Not right now, anyway. It just hurts…way too much. It hurts so much that…" He paused, shuffled his feet, re-gathered himself and continued, "I just can't. I'm sorry."
With that Eric turned, and without even once glancing back at her, and with tears in his eyes that she couldn't see, he walked out the door. Calleigh stood, feet rooted to the same spot she'd been standing in, and stared in the direction of the space that Eric had only minutes ago occupied. She was stunned. She almost couldn't breathe. The anger she'd felt moments ago faded into other emotions she wasn't quite ready for. Confusion, sadness, guilt. Did he really just tell her that he'd bought her a ring and was ready to propose to her? Surely she'd imagined that part. I mean, sure they'd discussed the future, but he'd actually bought an engagement ring?
Calleigh sat on the bench in front of her locker. She rested her elbows on her knees, and her head in her hands. As her mind wandered back over what Eric had said, she found herself wondering what exactly that ring looked like. And then she chastised herself. That was selfish - after having turned him away, she had no right wonder. Guilt washed over her in waves. This man loved her, enough to have spent God-knows how much money on a ring. He wanted to marry her. And she'd told him that she'd loved him like family!
Only now was she realizing what a slap-in-the-face that must have been. How condescending she must have seemed, and how he must have felt like she had minimized his feelings. Only now was Calleigh realizing exactly how badly she'd broken Eric's heart. That, in turn, broke her own heart, and she didn't know how in the world she was going to fix this. And she couldn't escape the feeling that when she'd watched Eric walk through that door, it might really have been good-bye. And she had never, ever prepared herself for the possibility that that could ever happen.
Calleigh had honestly believed that her decision had been what was best for she and Eric's relationship. But she'd also believed that the only part of their relationship that they'd have to abandon was the intimate part. The sex. She had convinced herself that their friendship had been strong enough that they could just go back to the closeness that they used to share. That they could still be the same important people in each other's lives that they'd always been. But she was now seeing that her thinking had been flawed. She had made this decision, without asking Eric for his input. Had she asked, she would have found out that he felt oh so differently than she did. For Eric, after having finally achieved that intimacy he'd longed for, and waited so long for, and then to have it so abruptly taken away – it was impossible to just go back to the way things used to be. Loving Calleigh had changed him. Being allowed to love her had changed him. Changed him more than she'd let herself realize – so much so that her plan of only losing Eric as a lover really wasn't reality. In reality, she was simply losing Eric. Losing Eric completely was never in her plans, and she suddenly began to understand exactly what he'd been feeling the past few weeks.
Calleigh sat there for a long time – thinking and trying to compose herself – eventually gathering her things and walking out the same door Eric had. And if anyone had watched her leave, they'd have seen that Eric wasn't the only one to pass through that door with tears in their eyes.
