"Hey Luke. It's me," she said, holding the phone to her ear and tried to drown out the drone of the people around her.
"Hey Peyton." He wanted to say he was surprised to hear from her, but he wasn't. Every few months she'd call him, or he'd call her. And every time, he felt the smile come to his face that only she was capable of putting there.
"I don't know if you're busy or anything, but I'm at Seymour's if you wanted to have a drink," she said, her index finger running along the top of her glass of whiskey.
"Um...yeah. I'll be there in a little bit," he said. Grabbing his keys off his dresser, he took a quick look in the mirror, knowing full well that he wasn't about to waste any time changing.
She sat in the bar full of strangers, listening to the country music that was coming from the dusty old jukebox in the corner. Any time she was in town, she'd find herself at this bar, drinking whiskey with the locals chatting in the background. Every once in a while, she'd visit Nathan and Haley when she had a free day. Work brought her around every couple months looking at new artists' work or trying to sell pieces. And she always saw Lucas.
They'd broken up just after she'd returned from her summer interning L.A. She'd spent a few months in Tree Hill, trying to figure out what she wanted from life, but he was away at school and coaching, and his schedule didn't allow for visits. It just all got too hard. They'd split amicably, but were both seriously hurt that it hadn't worked. They just couldn't be together any more.
The music industry hadn't been what she'd expected it to be, and she realized that working for a record label would have an adverse affect on her love of music. She couldn't let that happen, so she decided to pursue her other passion. She found herself in Atlanta as the curator of a small art gallery, completely fulfilled by her work. She still missed home, especially the Scott's - all four of them.
Lucas, Haley, Nathan and James all ended up back in their home town, which they were all perfectly OK with. Lucas and Nathan were coaching the Ravens, and Lucas had published two novels. Haley was teaching, and they were all happy, but they all missed her.
He walked into the bar and took a look around, noticing that there were only about ten people in the whole place. She was in jeans and a tank top, hair down and unruly, just how he'd always loved it. She smiled when she saw him, and gestured to the bartender for another round.
He placed his hand on the small of her back as he sat on the barstool next to her. She smiled at him and shivered at the contact.
"Hey," she said simply, pushing a glass towards him.
"Hi." He kissed her temple and took a sip of the amber liquid she'd given him.
"How are you?" she asked. She didn't know why, but every time they met, she was nervous. She felt like this would be the time he'd tell her he was seeing someone, or he'd say that the unspoken arrangement they had was the bad idea they both knew it was.
"I'm good. You know, the same. Coach, write, eat, sleep, repeat. You?" he asked. He always downplayed his life, though she knew he relished the schedule.
"I'm OK. Just here overnight. I met with a buyer this morning," she said. She looked at him and saw the sparkle in his eye.
"How'd it go?" he inquired. He was always interested in her work, because he knew she loved it. And he knew she was great at it.
"You know. Same old thing: show the catalogue, they 'ooo' and 'aah' and then call in three months and we know if it was a success or not," she explained.
"Ah, well at least you get to come to fine establishments like this one," he joked, looking around the room.
"And hang out with you," she said quietly, meeting his eyes again. He flashed the grin she still remembered him for.
"Come on," he said, grabbing her hand.
"Lucas!" She attempted to protest, but the feel of her hand in his made her follow him. They made their way to the dance floor, where they stood alone and he placed his hands on her hips. "What's this?"
"I know you love this song," he whispered. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer, and felt her run her hands over his shoulders as she rested her head against him.
"I do love this song."
"Feels like forever since we've done this. I missed you," he admitted quietly.
"When was the last time we saw each other?" she asked, pulling away to look at him.
"Hmm...Atlanta? My book tour?" he guessed. "What was that, 4 months ago?"
"Feels like longer," she mused, resting her head on his shoulder again.
"Always does." He ran his hands up and down her back. They swayed together until the song ended and he pulled back to look into her eyes, brushing a lock of hair out of her face. "You wanna get out of here?"
"Yeah," she sighed.
--
They lay in bed in the darkness of her hotel room. His arms around her as she lay next to him made her feel more at ease than she'd felt since...well, since the last time they lay like this. She liked Atlanta. She loved her work and the friends she'd made there. She had a great apartment in a nice part of town. But she didn't have this feeling, and she missed it more than she thought she would.
"Why do we do this?" he asked, idly running his hand up and down her bare arm.
"I can't help but want you," she admitted quietly. As soon as she'd said it, she regretted it. They tended not to rehash the past or try to put a label on what they were. But since he'd brought it up, she wasn't about to lie to him.
"I know. Sometimes I feel like we could have made it work out." He didn't want to say the words, but he knew they were true, and every time they were together, it became more and more apparent to him. He couldn't help but feel that if their timing had just been better, they might have been able to make it all work out.
"Yeah. I still want it to sometimes." She nuzzled in closer to him and placed a kiss on his chest before intertwining her fingers with his.
"Maybe that's why we do this. We both want to hang onto the idea of 'us'," he pointed out. He knew it was true on his part. He wasn't ready to let go of her. He couldn't do it.
"Maybe," she admitted, taking a deep breath. "What happens when one of us meets someone?"
"I don't know, Peyton," he said softly. The thought of her with someone else made him jealous. Just the thought of it. He couldn't imagine what he'd feel if it were actually true. Then he realized - it wasn't his place to feel that any more, and it hadn't been for a long time.
"I mean, not that I'm really looking. But you, on the other hand, I'm sure you've got all sorts of women after you."
He laughed. He wasn't looking either, but it was funny to him that her idea of what he did in the time and space between their meetings was so far from the truth. He lived in a town where he knew every single person. He didn't travel that often, and when he did, he preferred to be alone. He could explain all this to her, but his pride wouldn't let him. He didn't want her to know that the couple times he kissed other women, he found himself comparing them to her. And they always fell short.
"I'm not really looking either," he echoed.
They lay in the quiet again, just breathing with each other and tracing invisible shapes on each others' bare skin, until he heard her sigh.
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing"
"Peyt, I know you. When you sigh it means you're thinking of something heavy. So spill," he said with a smile he knew she couldn't see.
"Do you remember Honey Grove?" she asked. She sat up in the bed, inadvertently pulling the sheets off his body.
"Of course I do. That was the first time we...Of course I remember," he said quietly.
"Sometimes I just think of that night and the way we were. That was before everything went bad and we were all happy." Her voice had grown soft, so he reached out to place his hand on her thigh.
"That was a great weekend," he said simply, remembering the road trip.
"I have an idea, Lucas, and it might be crazy," she said quickly.
He laughed at her and the emotion in her voice that he couldn't place. It was a strange mix of hope and terror.
"OK, what's this idea?" he inquired. He sat up to meet her face, though he could barely see it through the darkness. The only light was coming from a clock radio and a small crack in the curtains.
"What if we don't see each other for a year. A year from today. And if we're both still single and still feeling like this, we meet somewhere," she suggested.
"A year, Peyton? You want to go a year without seeing me?" he asked, trying to hide the hurt in his voice.
"No. I don't. That's why I'm suggesting it."
"OK, you've lost me," he said, shaking his head.
"I want to see you every chance I get. So I am wondering if, if we stop this...whatever this is, will that feeling go away? Like is that desire only there because we keep feeding it? So in a year, if you still want to see me and I still want to see you after all that time apart, we should meet," she explained quickly.
"OK..." he said skeptically.
"Do you hate me?" she joked.
"No! I just...I mean, I think you're a little nuts," he teased, pulling her closer to him and laying them both back down. "So what happens when we meet?"
"I don't know. Maybe that's the sign we need either way. Like if one or both of us doesn't show, it's over. But if we both show, we try to make it work. Really try." She spoke softly and placed her hand over his heart. The moment she said the words, part of her wanted him to suggest that they just try now.
"Alright," he sighed. "One year." He reached for her face and kissed her.
"What was that for?" she asked, as he pulled her on top of him.
"If I have to wait an entire year, and maybe not ever see you again, I am going to make the most of this night," he said, his voice low.
She hadn't thought of that. This could possibly be the last night they every spent together. She might never feel his hands on her waist, or his lips on hers ever again. It was enough to almost make her cry, but her sadness was washed away by the sensation of his kiss.
--
She woke the next morning to find him perched on the edge of the bed tying his shoes. She turned to him and clutched the sheet to her chest to keep herself covered.
"Hey," she said sleepily, wiping her eye with her free hand.
"'Morning," he said. He leaned over to kiss her forehead. "I have to go. I had plans with Nathan today."
Neither of them had ever told anyone about their rendezvous. They both knew their friends wouldn't approve, though they were both adults - they knew they didn't need permission to do what they wanted. And they both always wanted it.
"OK," she said, placing her hand on his. "So I'll see you in a year, maybe."
"Yeah. One year," he said with a smile. He stood from the bed looking down at her as if he was burning the image of her in his mind.
"Wait, where are we going to meet?" she asked, worry in her voice.
"Oh, right," he said, stopping to think. "Honey Grove." He was smiling now and saw her do the same.
"Alright. Honey Grove it is," she said, laying back in the bed. He walked closer to her and bent down to kiss her on the lips. Again, he couldn't shake the feeling of that potentially being the last time.
"If this is the last time I see you, I just want you to know how much you mean to me," she said softly. He wouldn't look her in the eye.
"You don't have to do this..."
"Lucas," she interrupted, "you've always been there for me, and I just want to say..." she stopped to take a breath. "I want to say thank you."
"Peyton, I'll always be there for you." He reached for her hand and took it between his.
"You've told me that before," she said with a smile.
He kissed her softly and smiled as he pulled away and stood. "I've gotta go. But if you need anything, you know you can call me. As long as that doesn't break any rules," he said with a laugh.
"OK," she said as she watched him head for the door. "I'll be seeing ya."
He stopped in his tracks and turned to her with a smirk on his face. "Had to say it, didn't you?"
"I couldn't help it," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "I was feeling nostalgic."
He nodded and turned back to the door. As soon as it closed and he was on the other side, she felt an ache in her heart like she had just after they'd broken up. She remembered all the things that had happened since then. All the secret rendezvous in hotel rooms in Atlanta and Tree Hill, even New York and Boston once or twice. They'd laugh and joke. They were friends. And now he was walking away and she might not see him again. She couldn't shake the feeling that maybe this whole thing was a mistake. What if he took this as a sign that she didn't want him any more and finally went out and met someone else? But why was she feeling like this? She had no 'claims' to him any more. She had no reason to feel sadness or jealously in regards to him.
But she did.
As he walked back to his car, Lucas rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, as he was known to do when something was bothering him. She'd pointed it out when they were together, and now every time he did it, he stopped to try to dissect what it was that was on his mind. This time, it didn't take long. He knew it was her on his mind. He couldn't shake the worry that he'd show up in Honey Grove and she wouldn't be there. He didn't know if his heart could take it. But he always felt like this after their meetings. He'd walk away with a heavy heart, feeling regret over their failed relationship. He knew they were each using the other to fill a need, but he still wanted to hang onto the idea of them. He wasn't ready to let it go.
--
One year. 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days.
For Peyton Sawyer, time had never moved so slowly. She worked and went about her life, but in the back of her mind, it was like a clock was ticking - counting the days until she hit the road.
She wanted to keep up her end of the bargain. She figured if she had asked for the year to find out if they were meant to be, she had better use it. So, she went on a few dates. She met a guitar player who as interested, and she let him buy her dinner, but she wasn't interested. He was nice enough, and they could talk about music for hours, but their chemistry didn't go any further than that. Every silence was an awkward one that he felt he had to fill. A few months later, she'd agreed to attend a party with one of her gallery's customers. He was charming and handsome, wealthy and intelligent. However, being paraded around on his arm while he rubbed elbows with middle aged business men was not exactly what she was looking for. Their relationship was strictly professional from then on.
4 months after the night of their agreement, she found herself in Tree Hill, phone in hand, resisting the urge to dial his number. Instead, she called Haley and the two ended up having dinner. She asked about Lucas, like she always did, and hoped her face didn't display the relief she felt when Haley said he wasn't seeing anyone.
Lucas spent two months wondering if he should just pick up the phone and tell her to stop the charade and just come home to him. But he couldn't. He never called because he didn't know if that's what she really wanted. The thought alone hurt him. What if this was just her method of gently pushing him away? What if she just couldn't bring herself to tell him she didn't want to see him any more?
He finished a new novel in their time apart. It was a tale of love and longing. Regrets and hope of second (or third, or fourth) chances. His publishers loved it, and he was well into the editing process. He was having a working lunch with his editor when he saw her. She was walking with Nathan, a coffee in her hand and the wind blowing her curls in her face. He didn't know she was in town. He just watched her as she walked, and a smile came to his face knowing she was laughing and happy and OK. When he asked his brother about it later, Nathan explained she was in town for a couple days closing a sale. Nathan knew his brother well enough to add that she wasn't seeing anyone before the blonde even asked.
A week away from the date of their meeting, he could hardly concentrate on anything other than what was or was not about to happen. If her plan was to make him realize that he couldn't live without her, it had worked. All he wanted was her. He didn't want to even consider that she wouldn't show. She had to. Didn't she?
The night before departing Atlanta for Honey Grove, Peyton got physically ill thinking about the possibility that he wasn't going to be in the dusty little town when she got there. She spent ten minutes, pale as a ghost, sitting on her bathroom floor wondering if maybe he didn't feel the same as she did. But she had to go. One way or the other, she had to know. She wouldn't kid herself; she knew she'd never get over him, but she had to know if he was over her. She got into her car, took a deep breath, and headed towards Texas.
--
He'd flown into Dallas and rented a car. They hadn't set up a meeting time or place, and he realized now - if he hadn't already - just how insane this was. He'd had to lie to Nathan and Haley and tell them he had to go away on business. The entire drive, his heart was beating out of his chest. Either way, whether she was there or she wasn't, it would be tough on his heart.
He pulled into the small town and parked his car in the town square, figuring she couldn't miss him if he was right in the middle of the town. He looked at his watch, took a deep breath, and waited. And waited. And waited. He finally decided he needed to eat, and walked to a small diner, where he sat next to the closest window so he could watch for her.
When she hit the Texas border, she put on the Road Mix she'd made for the original road trip. She'd saved it and managed to find it, and it was only fitting that she listen to it now. Driving into the town, her mind was flooded with memories of the two days she'd spent there. She realized how poorly hatched her plan was when it dawned on her that they hadn't chosen a place to meet. She parked in the town square, laid her head on the headrest of her car, and closed her eyes before getting out, preparing herself for what was about to happen. She stretched and took a deep breath and looked around the town.
He glanced up from his coffee cup, and that's when he saw her. Her hands were on her head and she was looking skyward. He quickly dropped money on the table to pay for his lunch and ran out the door. Her back was to him as he walked towards her. He wanted to run as quickly as his feet would take him, but he managed to control himself.
When he was about 15 feet away, she turned around so slowly that it almost killed him. He wanted to see her face. When their eyes met, he saw a smile on her that he'd never seen before. When he got to her, he put his hands on her face and pulled her in for the most desperate kiss they'd ever shared. It dawned on him then, that a year was the longest they'd ever gone without kissing since they'd known each other. And he never wanted to wait that long again.
"I thought you stood me up," she said when they finally parted. Her eyes were closed and her forehead rested against his.
"Not a chance," he whispered. He kissed her again and he could feel her smile against his lips.
"That was the longest year of my life," she said breathlessly.
"Was it worth it?" he asked, brushing the hair from her face and looking into her eyes.
"To realize we both want to be together? Definitely," she said with a smile.
He chuckled. It was all he'd wanted since he was 17.
"So what now?" she asked.
"I'm moving to Atlanta," he said with a grin.
"Lucas! You can't move to Atlanta!" She pulled away from him and broke his gaze.
"What? I thought you wanted to..." he started. She pressed her finger to his lips.
"You can't move to Atlanta because I'm moving back to Tree Hill." She barely got the words out and his lips were on hers again. They were two parts of a whole. They were meant for each other, and neither felt right or at peace or balanced without the other. That all dawned on him as she was pressed against him in the hot summer sun in the middle of the Texas town.
"I love you," he muttered against her lips.
She pulled away quickly and looked at him intensely. "Took you long enough," she chided before kissing him again. "I don't want to seem presumptuous, but I got us a room."
"Are you kidding me? Let's go," he said, placing his hand on the small of her back.
They laughed all the way to the hotel and stumbled through the door together in an embrace before collapsing onto the bed. She took his face in her hands and looked him in the eyes.
"I love you, too, by the way," she said with a smile.
He chuckled and kissed her again. "We're really doing this, right?" he asked, his tone serious.
"God, I hope so," she teased, her voice full of lust.
"I'm serious, Peyt," he said, searching her eyes. "I want to be with you forever."
She smiled and leaned up to capture his lips sweetly. She pulled away, her eyes still closed, and whispered, "I was hoping you'd say that."
Life had taken them so many different places. Different directions and destinations and journeys. They'd been torn apart and reunited so many times that neither could count any more. But in that moment, in the hotel room they'd shared all those years ago, stranded in a tiny Texas town, they both realized that this is the way it should be. They're better together.
