Another One Shot! Just Stella this time. Dealing with the aftermath of the bus shooting from the end of season two. Her feelings, emotions and coping mechanisms.

WARNING:
THIS STORY DOES CONTAIN MATURE THEMES. THERE IS REFERENCING TO SELF HARM AND DRUG AND ALCOHOL ABUSE. THERE IS ALSO MENTIONS OF DOUBT IN FAITH, IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THESE ISSUES I APOLOGIZE.

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The blade plunged into her skin, bright red blood covered her arms.

She killed someone. How would she ever get over that.

She was a cop. Her job was to protect life, not destroy it.

If only she hadn't fired that shot. He'd still be here. An innocent civilian. Just trying to help resolve the conflict.

She knew this would be part of her job at some point. But she wasn't ready. Not yet.

She took another gulp of tequila. Drinking it straight from the bottle.

She had lines of cocaine sitting on her bedside table. Ready for later. To numb the pain, the guilt. At least for a little while.

Pain for the victim. The one she shot. Not the bloody gashes now covering her forearms and wrists.

She silently wondered, would this pain ever disappear? Would it ever stop haunting her? Probably not.

After all. She deserved it, right? Her faith had been strong her whole life, but now? Now it was waning. Rapidly. Where was god now? She couldn't understand why he'd let this happen.

She inhaled the cocaine, letting it numb everything. The euphoria overwhelmed her. Her troubles slowly melting away.

She knew later, as she came down from the high the depression would return. The guilt. The sorrow. But for now, it was gone. And that's all that mattered.