This is more of a concept than a story, to prove that even a monstrosity such as the Mary-Sue-infused grammatical abomination commonly known as My Immortal can have some redeeming value when rewritten with a bit of imagination (and a shitload of better syntax). I'm not sure if I'll ever continue it, but opinions are certainly appreciated. Cheers.


Our story takes place September first, 2132, on a platform where an unassuming red train waits to transport a number of magical students to a rather well-known school of witchcraft and wizardry. A lot has changed about this platform and its people since the days of the Second Wizarding War, most notable among these changes is the influx of muggle culture. After the end of the war, much focus was placed on fostering good relationships between the four houses at Hogwarts, with resounding successes. As time passed, the intra-house boundaries became near-obsolete, but this resulted in the rising of three opposing factions into which the older students grouped themselves of their own accord. Each group had its own name for both itself and the others, resulting in a complicated system of labels and insults where the house of the recipient mattered little.

This chaotic platform is where we find the heroine of this story. Emily 'Ebony' Tara Way, fifteen years old, Slytherin, and member of the Goffic Faction stepped on to Platform Nine and Three Quarters at exactly ten-thirty in the morning, after saying a quick goodbye to her muggle parents. The platform was full of fellow students and resulting chatter – goodbyes, hellos, and other fragments of conversation that flew past her in a constant hum.

"How was your summer?"
"Did you hear about"
"Cannons have no chance this year"
"Skyrim? So lucky"
"New wrock band I heard"
"Blew up Gran's petunias"

Ebony suppressed a snicker at the last snippet she heard, almost feeling sorry for the poor sap for their shenanigans. Her attention was soon caught by a flash of red and a loud voice ahead of her. The voice belonged to Cherrilyn Edwards, Ebony's best friend, who shouted, "Ebs!" before attempting to tackle her in a giant hug. Ebony thought this was rather silly, considering the two had seen each other during the summer, but Ebony responded enthusiastically nonetheless.

"So how was the rest of your summer?" Cherry asked, grabbing her friend by the arm and leading her through the crowd toward the train in a haphazard manner. Ebony shrugged, besides the interesting week she had spent at the Edwards', she hadn't done much over the holidays. Both of Cherry's parents were magical, which allowed the girls to have a bit more freedom outside of the underage magic policies. The last night of the week, they experimented with permanent hair-dying charms, resulting in Cherry's bright red 'do to match her nickname. Ebony's hadn't gone as well, thanks to her mediocre charms skills, and her intended lime-green color had faded to something that resembled vomit.

"Oi Enoby! Nice hair!" Ebony whipped around to see none other than Julius Malfoy, quidditch star and arsehole extraordinaire barely containing laughter at her embarrassed rage. Cherry practically rolled her eyes audibly, seizing her wrist and dragging her toward the train to keep her from breaking Julius' nose irreparably. "You get in enough trouble as it is," she said. "Don't let him get to you and make it worse." Sighing, Ebony gave up and let her friend direct her to a compartment.


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