The city of Konan was alive and bustling as its citizens prepared for the yearly planting festival. The week-long event featured parades and theater, circuses and craft markets. It was the one time of the year the entire empire joined together to celebrate as one. Peace within the kingdom was the Emperor's primary goal and keeping the commoners happy and celebrating was an excellent way to ensure that peace remained.

An infectious sort of excitement buzzed through the air as Konan's citizens gossiped about their plans for the celebration, but it could not reach within the palace walls at the heart of the city. A dour-faced young man leaned heavily against the wooden railing to watch the comings and goings in the city below. Turning away from the vibrant celebrations, he gazed out over the palace's well-groomed gardens instead.

Did she feel the same way? he wondered. Did she feel like she didn't belong but had nowhere else to go?

"Tasuki?" Nuriko's call floated to him through the sweet smelling air and pulled him from his thoughts.

Though he chose not to respond he was soon joined in the arbor by his good friend and fellow Suzaku warrior. "What are you doing out here by yourself? We have a great lunch inside if you want anything," he offered cheerfully.

Tasuki remained quiet as he eyed the lavender-hued petals of a nearby rose. With a shrug he offered his friend the most convincing excuse he could muster, "I just need some time to myself, to do some thinking."

They stood in contemplative silence, surrounded by the tranquility of Hotohori's Imperial garden. After a moment Nuriko caught Tasuki's eye and gave him a knowing look.

"I miss her too," he confessed quietly then offered a reassuring smile before he retreated back towards the palace. "Lunch is on if you change your mind!"

Tasuki waved him off, then let out a low sigh and crossed his arms in front of his chest. It'd been nearly three years since the Priestess of Suzaku had left them all behind in this world. In the short time they'd shared together, she'd managed to slowly work her way into his heart. She'd done it so subtly that he hadn't even noticed until it was too late to do anything about it.

It was almost cruel that he hadn't realized just how deep his feelings for her ran until she was already gone. Now he longed for her so deeply it'd become a constant, tangible ache in the centre of his chest. He wanted to hate her for it, and Suzaku knew how hard he'd tried, but he just couldn't do it. He'd never be able to hate Miaka. She was different from the rest, from any woman he'd ever known.

When she'd lived here in the palace with them, there'd always been something to do. Not a day went by where there wasn't some action happening somewhere. Now he was surrounded by a peaceful kingdom he'd helped to create and felt he no longer had a place in it. Someone who wasn't at peace inside didn't belong in a place this happy. He felt useless and lost, and without his bandits utterly alone.

He'd started coming to the arbour each day some time ago, just for something to do. It was nice to get away from the confines of the palace every once in a while and to have some time alone with his thoughts. He hadn't noticed it at first, the way he spent much of his staring longingly at the city gates. It seemed a part of him was still hoping she'd walk through them. The logical side of his brain told him it would never happen, but he was too stubborn to give up now, always had been.

She's probably so happy in her new life with Taka, he ruminated, though not without a hint of bitterness. He wanted her to be happy. If anyone deserved happiness, it was Miaka.

It'd taken longer for him to suss out the source of that lingering bitterness. If he was honest, truly honest with himself, he'd admit that he'd envisioned himself being the one to stand by her side. He'd always known about Tamahome of course, right from the beginning, but that hadn't stopped him from falling for her. It was an odd situation he found himself in. He hated the man, but loved him like a brother. Then, he'd always been a glutton for punishment hadn't he?

What man could resist that smile of hers, and the way she gave her whole heart to others? He certainly didn't blame Tamahome for loving her, but the question that once was only whispered in the deepest recesses of his mind grew steadily louder - what if he'd met her first? Would things have turned out differently? Would she have loved him instead of Tamahome?

Slumping his shoulders in defeat, Tasuki hung his head and expelled a long suffering sigh. It was difficult to picture the rest of his life going on without her, but maybe it was best to finally move on. Miaka would never return to Konan. He had to accept that truth and find a purpose for his life here, something new to drive him. Casting a lingering glance over his shoulder at the city gates, Tasuki strode out of the arbor and toward the palace for lunch.


Author's Note: This is revision number...well I think I've lost count. Honestly one of the best series of the late 90s/early 2000s. This is the first fanfic I ever wrote and now I've posted over 50. It's been an interesting and thoroughly rewarding 10 years of writing for different fandoms and I've met some incredible people along the way. So if you're taking the time to read this little blast from the past, please drop me a line and let me know what you think and maybe share how your fandom journey started.