You started dating at the beginning of the year, during the summer. It was at a big party, but you just were feeling even more adventerous than usual, and thats pretty damn adventurous.
She was standing in the corner of the living room, looking totally peterified and three seconds from bowling her way out of the door. She was really small, around 5 foot, kind of chubby, with dark brown skin and even darker freckles splashed over her cheeks. Her hair was in a mohawk style, and the hair she had decided to keep was almost cupping around the left side of her face, and she seemed to want to dissapear in it.
You strode over to her, you had just arrived at the party and weren't very drunk, so everything was a tad clearer than normal. That bothered you. It made the loud sounds and claustrophobic grip of the area around you almost unbearable; and impossible for you to lose yourself in the noise and melt away.
The closer you got, the more detailed she became. You could see her fidgeting with the strings on her big grey hoodie, you could see her shuffling her flip-flop clad feet over one another. You could see the fear lurking behind her golden brown eyes.
You might have been more than not very drunk, or maybe you were just feeling more than your normal level of adventure.
She looked up when you stopped infront of her.
You kissed her the second she opend her mouth.
You found out later that her name was Thea. She was spanish. You only cared because she pulled away five seconds after you had kissed her, and dashed out of the house.
You've been dating for almost a year now.
You see her almost every morning, and you see her almost every night too.
You've found out even more about her. You know she likes rap, you know that she wants to be a vet when she grows up, and she loves roleplaying games. You know she lives with a father youve never cared to meet and is best freinds with that stoner who lives across the street from you and she has a cute little freckle on her neck.
She's a open book. She can't hide anything from you.
She hates letting you touch her.
She slips away the second you slide your hands anywhere below her elbows. You try to move your hands under her shirt and she'll yelp and next thing you know your sitting on the floor.
You get irrtated with her when she does that. Sometimes youll pin her down, kiss her as hard as you can and shake her up a bit before letting her go.
You can't help yourself. It makes you angry. You have to show her who's boss sometimes.
So what if she gets a bruise or two?
Who cares if you bite her lip to hard and leave her with blood gushing all over her shirt?
Who cares if sometimes you lay in bed at night; just picturing yourself hurting her?
Ripping your nails across her skin, crushing and breaking her little fingers, pulling out her hair, splitting her open, ripping and shredding her apart?
Who cares?
So what?
It's no big deal.
It's not like you haven't wanted to hurt someone before. It's not like you haven't actually done it.
It's just that...she's different. She's beautiful. She's exotic. She's like a dream. A tiny, gourgeous, lovely dream. You can't help but want to kill her. You can't help but want to rip her apart.
Rip her apart into shreds as tiny as she is.
Let her feel all of your frustration.
Show her what real fear is.
It's driving you insane.
You've never wanted to hurt someone with your love before. You just want to take all your feelings and pound and force them onto her. You want her to be strong, stronger. You want her to want to hurt you back. You want her to at least try.
This is turning into a issue for you.
You don't enjoy petty issues.
She always comes over to your house to visit after school.
You take computer classes and she takes day college courses. She has to study allot, she's training to be a vet and all of that shit. Whatever. You could care less if she didn't go on and on about it. Always "yeah Victor, I-I saw these cute l-little, um, k-kittens t-today at the u-um, shelter. They were so a-adorable and sweet." Or "V-Victor, I g-got to help with a um, s-surgery today. W-we saved a dogs l-life I think."
Why does she even act like you care about her?
"I g-got to help the doctor t-today. H-he s-said I d-did a g-good job."
Oh no.
"I-isn't it so p-pretty out here at night?"
Oh my god.
"C-can we j-just skip the p-party and go to the um, park or s-something?"
This is not real.
"Yeah, I l-like that a-actor too! He's r-really, um, great"
Stop it.
"I-I'd l-love to m-meet your m-mother! I mean, i-if you don't mind it"
STOP IT
"t-thanks so much for the r-ride"
Please.
"I love you Victor."
Please stop.
Your so deep in this shit it makes you sick.
You are so deep in this your almost drowning.
It makes you sick.
She makes you sick.
You are sick and drowning.
You are sick and drowning in a giant lake of Thea.
It's surprisingly warm and fuzzy and soft. Just like her. Soft and fuzzy with no sharp edges to cut yourself on, just warm delicate skin to tear and bruise.
God you hate this.
You want to let her go. You want to go out and find someone who will lash out at you, someone who isn't afraid to have a adventure and trash up your life and take advantage of you and just plain out suck and actually hurt you back.
You want someone with so many sharp edges you can't help but cut yourself on them.
So why don't you just leave her?
You've seen her be strong only once.
It ended with her in the E.R. with a I.V drip plugged into her arm and a cast on her wrist.
You have never been more upset than that day.
So why don't you just go ahead and leave her?
You've kissed other people infront of her. You've blantantly set her up to get hurt. You've outright hit her for god's sake. But no. She just looks up at you with those big, sweet golden eyes, blinks at you, sets her jaw a little bit, and takes it.
You just want her to be tougher.
You don't want a repeat of those other soft girls. You want her to be strong. Because maybe if she's strong, she will finally hurt you back.
You picture it sometimes.
You take a short break at night and picture her dragging her blunt nails over your back, you imagine her biting your neck, your jaw, your chest.
You picture her drawing blood. You picture her making you squirm and almost screaming from the pain.
You know it will never happen.
You know it's going to be you drawing blood. And it's going to be her squirming, crying, moaning and whimpering to you while you touch and kiss and feel her.
You don't know why you tourture yourself with this all the time.
It's 3 AM and your sitting on the floor and the only sounds you can hear is the trobbing in your head and the sound of Thea's sniffles.
You sigh into the dark and after a couple seconds the light flicks back to life and illuminates the room. She's hunched over in the corner of the bed, her arms wrapped around herself and her knees pressed up to her chin. She's shaking with her face buried in the fabric of her pajama pants.
The sight of her sivering and the sound of her sniffles makes your body grow hot and your head grow dizzy and fuzzy.
You get up and sit on the bed next to her, you can feel impatience like a lump in your throat and heat boiling everywhere in your body.
You pry her arms away from her knees and lay one hand on her chest and push her down onto the bed.
Shes laying there, stiff and rigid, while you get up, shut off the lights and return to her. You stand over the bed, the moonlight is pushing through the curtains and your can barely see her flushed, scared face and the slope of her throat and the expanse of skin that peeks out from her shirts collar.
Its just enough.
You look down, and slip your hands inbetween her thighs and shove them roughly apart.
She yelps.
You keep one hand on her thigh and use your other hand to support your body as your begin to crawl over her; you leave one knee shoved in between her tense legs. You look back down and watch her hips twitch and jerk slightly when you grind your knee upwards and into her; drawing out a startled moan and a little, panicked cry.
You love this.
After one more grind, she begins to whimper 'stop, stop please that hurts Victor please stop your hurting me please' inbetween sharp moans. You sigh, and move your leg slightly downwards and move the hand that was holding her legs down and slip it underneath her T-Shirt. You rub her soft tummy and cant help but let your cheeks grow warm and your eyes go lazy when you feel how soft and warm she is and you can feel the thudding of her heart and she moans again and now the heat that was in your stomach is now pooling inbetween your legs and oh my god shes so perfect.
You dip one finger into her belly button and move it around in slow circles. Her shirt is pushed up just barely above her navel and she giggles softly and nervously when your move your finger around again and jesus shes just so soft. You didnt know girls could be this beautiful and warm, god, she is so warm you just want to bury your face in her pudgy little tummy and kiss and lick and nibble the flushed brown skin there and you want to replace your finger with your tonuge because you can already hear the little squeaks and moans and oh my god.
Shes pushing your hands away.
Shes starting to scoot up and away from you.
What.
No.
You growl and push her back down again. She gasps when you shove her down a bit to hard and her groin connects sharply with your knee and you feel a tiny wet spot.
Oh my god.
Shes blushing so hard and tripping over her words and you dont even stop to listen because your kissing her now. All sloppy and teeth and tonuge and your sucking on her bottom lip and running your hands over her hips and she pushes you away again.
"V-Victor," she pauses, and bites her already bruising lip; "I-I dont think this is such a
g-good idea...I-I mean I l-like you, b-but I dont want to...do...t-this."
She says 'this' like its the bubonic plauge.
You can feel the lump of frustration in your throat again, its making your head fuzzy. Are you not good enough for her? Is that it? Youve been together with her longer than anyone else. So why wont she do this with you?
You just shake your head and respond "No."
"W-what?"
"We are doing this"
"B-but V-Victor..."
You watch her trail off and blush.
You take this as a 'I change my mind' and you shove her back down and begin kissing her again.
She goes tense, and it takes at least 5 minutes before she allows you entrance into her mouth and when she finally tilts her head a teeny bit and parts her lips you shove your way in and cup her tonunge with hers and close your lips around it and pull on it and let go and pull and let go and shes moaning again and its slow and sweet and you find a moan escaping from your throat and you both moan and lick and kiss and suck at each others mouths until you finally pull apart to breathe.
You can feel her chest moving up and down as she heaves for air and gasps with slow trails of saliva runnng down her bottom lip and your see a little cut on her tonuge thats seeping blood and she gasps again and you close your lips around her tonuge and suck at the cut and shiver at the metallic taste of the blood dropping onto your tounge and her mouth is open so wide as she gasps and spit is running down her chin and onto her face and she gags a tiny "let go" and you finally release her and watch her.
Shes splayed down on her back and her cheeks are red and she has a little bit of sweat on her forehead and shes panting and the sound of every little moan is going into your ears and traveling down to punch you in the groin.
You bend down and plant soft kisses on her cheek, her jaw, her neck. Your kisses turn into nibbles and soft bites and your hand has found its way back into her shirt and your rubbing at her tummy and you begin pressing and rubbing your knee inbetween her legs again. Her moans turn into soft gasps of pleasure and back to yelps and then to moans and back to whimpers when you stop moving your knee so you can sit up and shove her shirt over her breasts.
Your not even going to lie when you say that you like boobs and one reason you like Theas more than any other girls, because well, shes got really big ones and you do not even deny the fact that you eye her chest almost all the time. She says her boobs are so big because shes so chubby, but shes got a nice butt too, so your not going to complain.
You take a moment to appreciate Victoria's Secret and pretty orange striped bras with lace and a little bow and you also thank whoever decided to invent clasps on the front of womans undergarments as well.
Thea's cheeks grow even redder when you slip your hands under the wires at the bottom of the bra and shove it up over her chest to join her shirt.
It is a sight that will be forever treasured.
You wish you had brought handcuffs and a camera.
Thea lets out a shaky breath when you lean down and close your lips over her already hardening nipple and tug. Her shaky breath turns into a high whine when you brush it with your teeth and reach over to grope the other breast and your mind is going all fuzzy again and you ignore her soft cries and the tears you see gathering at the corners of her eyes because your drowing again and you cant think and you cant breathe and you cant- you dont want to care about how shes feeling right now.
You dont care about the desprate pleas of stop.
You dont care about how much shes shaking underneath you.
You dont care about the jerking body and twitching hips or now visible tears.
You dont care. You dont care. You dont care.
Her clothes are on the floor now. Her shirt is torn in two and her whole upper half is exposed and flushed and bright and you hate her for bringing out this side of you.
You kiss her all over her heaving chest. You want to write a novel about how disgustingly beautiful she is. You want to write the words across her whole body with your lips and fingers and tonuge until she knows how much you hate to love her.
You drag your nails aross her stomach instead.
She squeaks in surprise, and you can see her tummy clench as the shallow cuts drip red across her skin and down her hips and you can see the darker spots of bruises that are splattered across her body and you want to kiss all of them and make more at the same time.
You dig your knee inbetween her legs and you can feel your dick getting all hard when she groans and digs her fingers into your shoulders and you drag one finger across her back when it arches off the mattress and you press her against you as she shakes and you can feel her coming to climax and it just turns you on more and you cant help but moan too and you let go of her and let her fall back down onto the mattress with a soft oomf while you pull your shirt off and throw it onto the floor and you slide your body down hers and you move so easy against her and your both so hot and slicked with sweat and shes still shaking with the aftermath of her orgasm.
You remove your knee and slip your hands underneath her shivering thighs and pull her upwards so you can shove your erection inbetween her legs and she bites her lip and turns red. You set her back down onto the bed and spread your legs apart and set your head onto her shoulder and breathe hard and heavy into her ear while she nervously fumbles with your belt and your growl at her to hurry up because its starting to hurt and you cant wait any longer.
She pulls your belt off and you can feel her hands shaking against you as she slips your pants down past your hips, to your thighs, to your knees and finally you manage to toss your pants onto the ground and your boxers quickly join them.
Thea looks so scared and your groaning and panting and finally you grab her hands and wrap them around your dick and push them up and down and up and down and now shes doing it on her own and your sueeze your eyes shut and almsot slam your head back onto her shoulder and you cant breathe oh my god and you can hear her breath hitching and you can hear a little sob but you dont care because you just came and its everywhere and you are shaking and Theas hands are still around your softening penis and you hear her yelp when you shove her away from you.
You cant breathe anymore.
You look at her, shes covered in brusies and little bites and you just give a shaky sigh that you cant keep the pleasure out of and collaspe onto the pillow next to her. You close your eyes while she strokes your face with a soft, shaky hand and you sigh while she runs it through your hair and traces patterns over your closed eyes.
You can feel her shift a little, and then you feel her pull a big blanket over you and she burrows into your side but your too tired to sling a arm around her like you normally do.
You realize a couple hours after she had drifted of to sleep that you had never gotten her pants off.
You sleep with Thea almost every night now.
You come home from work and slip in through the window and sneak into bed next to her and sling one arm over her belly and drift off to sleep.
You make sure to leave early every morning.
She didnt make any move towards sex after that one night so many months ago.
You kiss sometimes sure, its not like anything big. You steal little kisses from her all the time. One on the cheek while shes shooing you out of her house, another one on the lips when you go to her house after work and shes half asleep, one on the back of her neck while she studies.
You get to touch her sometimes too. You get to run your hands over her curves while you lay in bed all wrapped around her. You get to slip your hand into the back of her neck when you kiss. You get to wrap your arms around her back and nuzzle her.
A touch here.
A kiss there.
Sometimes its a bite or a scratch.
Sometimes you bite her lips and lick at the puffy, bloody skin. Sometimes you suck at her neck and shoulders. Smetimes you bite down of fresh bruises.
A bite here.
A scratch there.
Hot bodies.
Ripped skin.
You pin her down sometimes too. You like to see what actions cause what noises. Bites cause yelps. Licks cause moans. Scratches cause whimpers. Sucks cause pants.
Grinding causes all four.
God your horrible.
You love this more than anything else.
