A/N: Fluff, crack, and humour. In a shitty fanfic. HongIce featuring Romerica.
Hong Kong and Iceland sit in a café together, the Asian nation flicking through his manga with the Nordic nation scanning a newspaper, calmly chewing on his liquorice. Neither of them break the peaceful mood of the charming little place; the gentle hum of traffic outside the large glass windows, the soft clinking of coffee cups, the murmur of quiet conversation, and the burning stares of their siblings. They carry on as usual, refusing to acknowledge the poorly disguised Scandinavians and East Asians hiding in booths on opposite sides of the room.
'Aww, Ice looks cute in his reading glasses,' Denmark comments fondly.
'Shut up, fuckbag,' Norway growled with barely suppressed rage. 'If that kid lays a hand on my baby brother I'm going to flog him.'
Denmark shrugs and sighs at Norway's overprotective attitude, but Sweden is a little worried.
'I'd suggest you not,' the giant blonde mutters. 'We got rid of all our pirate gear ages ago, anyway.'
'You can borrow some of my gear!' Finland offers cheerfully with a smile.
'You… have weaponry? In your house?' Denmark stares down at the tiny man.
'Why do you think Russia respects me so much?' Finland asks, cocking his head cutely.
The other Nordics shiver in response.
Across the room, the East Asians aren't handling the situation well either.
'Japan, put the camera away, aru!' China hisses quietly. 'You'll expose us!'
'But I promised Hungary…' Japan began, but is cut off by Taiwan snatching his camera away.
'Another time,' the sweet girl chides him, pulling the batteries out and pocketing them. 'You too, Korea!' She snaps the boy's phone shut.
'Taiwan!' Korea whines, quickly silenced by China's annoyed glare.
The oldest nation looks over at Taiwan suspiciously. 'Taiwan, what's that notebook there?'
She immediately slams it closed with a blush. 'J-Just some notes!'
Japan slides her a knowing look and she blushes even deeper. China glances between the two and shakes his head, deciding he doesn't want to know.
Iceland sighs in defeat, removing his glasses and shaking out his platinum hair. 'We should go somewhere on our own. In secret.'
'I suggest Canada,' Hong Kong says blankly, still staring down at his manga.
'Where?' Iceland tilts his head in confusion.
'…How about Malaysia?'
'Too hot.'
'America, then?'
'England would find out straight away from that loudmouth.'
'Romania?'
'That guy's insane.'
'Bulgaria's pretty sane.'
'Apparently insane enough to be dating Romania, though.'
'Switzerland.'
'I don't fancy being shot.'
'Fine,' Hong Kong gives up, pushing his manga aside to lock eyes with Iceland. 'What do you suggest?'
Iceland thinks for a moment, popping another liquorice candy into his mouth. 'How about… Italy?'
'He'd tell Japan right away!' Hong Kong protests softly, not wanting to be heard by his siblings.
'I mean, South Italy,' Iceland specifies. 'Rome, Naples, Capri… why not?'
Hong Kong thinks for a moment, then beckons Iceland across the table and the smaller nation leans over so the Asian can whisper in his ear.
'We'll book our flights at one of your private airlines, from Reykjavik to Rome,' Hong Kong breathes into Iceland's ear. 'Tell your family you've taken a week away to do charity work around the country and we'll go spend the week on holiday.'
Iceland nods nervously, hearing the clinking of shattering glass from Norway's general direction.
Hong Kong leans back with one of his sweet micro-smiles, already looking forward to the warm climate of Mediterranean lands.
Iceland clears his throat, fighting down a blush. 'What do we do with Mr. Puffin and Mr. Panda?'
'Take them with us, of course,' Hong Kong answers easily. 'We can't leave the kids behind by themselves.' He grins and raises his voice, 'What kind of parents would we be?'
'Sh-shut up, stupid, we're not parents,' Iceland stutters with a glare. 'Stop trying to piss off Norway!'
'Oh…?' Hong Kong raises an eyebrow, moving towards Iceland. 'Well, if I really wanted to piss him off, I would do this…'
'NOPE,' Iceland immediately objects, shoving Hong Kong away and picking up their things. 'We're leaving. Now.'
'Damn it,' Hong Kong mutters, hurrying after a quickly escaping Iceland. He can feel Norway's murderous gaze tracking him all the way to the door.
'Aww, why is Ice so cold?' Taiwan complains, puffing her cheeks out.
'Maybe some sunshine will defrost him,' Japan remarks quietly, an amused glint in his eye.
'Hong Kong's not hot enough?' Korea snickers at his siblings.
'Stop that, aru,' China commands. 'Your humour sucks.'
-page break-
The following week drags like a dog drags its butt; which is to say it is awkward and nobody quite knows what to say. Iceland avoids as much of Norway's questioning as possible, locking himself away in his room and pretending to practice playing his electric violin.
One morning, after the battle for the bathroom ends, Iceland decides to put Hong Kong's plan into action. The Nordics sit around the dining table, eating breakfast and inhaling gallons of coffee.
'Hey, Mom?' Iceland catches Finland's attention.
'Yes, dear?' Finland sighs; already given in to the fact the nickname is going to stick.
'I'm going to be away for a week for a charity event,' Iceland informs his family, gazing down into the murky depths of his coffee mug. He calmly takes a sip.
'Oh, that's wonderful!' Finland beams proudly. 'Make sure to be careful and pack a first aid kit!'
Norway narrows his eyes suspiciously. 'What charity event might this be?'
'A fundraiser run by EdYOUcation to raise money to buy books for schools,' Iceland lies smoothly, having prepared for a barrage of questions from his brother.
'And what exactly happens at this event?' Norway asks, settling into his chair.
'We run a bunch of stalls and workshops in different cities for a week.'
'What's your duty in all this?'
Denmark rolls his eyes. 'Leave the kid alone, Nor, he's a big boy now, he can-'
'Stay out of this,' Norway growls viciously at Denmark, who nervously falls silent. Norway then turns back to Iceland with a peaceful and calm façade. 'Go on, Ice.'
'I'll be selling liquorice,' Iceland replies with a touch of apprehension.
'Which places are you going?'
'Reykjavik, Akureyri, and Keflavik.'
Norway leans back in his chair, studying Iceland with calculating eyes.
Iceland stares back, tilting his head innocently. 'I can go, right?'
His brother rocks forward with a sigh. 'Fine, fine,' he agrees, waving his hand dismissively.
'H've f'n,' Sweden mumbles awkwardly at the platinum haired boy.
'Sure thing, Dad,' Iceland replies and hides a little smile of victory behind his coffee mug.
-In the Asian house-
'Hey, I'm going to be away for a week,' Hong Kong announces, barging into the living room where his family is drinking tea and playing video games.
'Okay!' the other nations respond, waving at him, as if he is leaving already.
'Don't get arrested,' China warns him without looking away from the screen.
Hong Kong stands there for a moment, before sliding the screen door shut and walking away.
A/N: short chapter is short. Should I continue? Excuse my terrible headcanons.
