This is a little gift for one of my amazing betas - Happy (early) Birthday, MARJO! You are wonderful and I hope you enjoy...
Also to my other betas - Nick (for correcting all the French!) and Stella (for the best traffic lights EVER!) - you ladies are fantastic and I adore you!
For the sake of my happy, little shipper heart, Kate plays the guitar...nkay thanks!
This one was inspired by the incredible Mandy Moore cover of the song Beautiful Man - If you haven't heard it, RUN don't walk, and listen to it NOW! I'll be right here when you get back! www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=lxGHyrDdsOo
GOOD? Ok...then on we go...
Being a fan girl had its perks. Not that Kate Beckett would brand herself as a fan girl, there were too many nasty connotations to the word…but she was definitely a fan. She had been reading Richard Castle's novels since high school. She remembered how much she loved getting lost in the worlds he created, even before her mother was murdered. Afterwards she continued to read, in order to find solace – a way to escape from the pain surrounding her. Kate knew she would never really be able to tell him what those worlds' had meant to her then…still mean to her now. She had joked saying that having one of his characters based on her wasn't that big an honor. Acting as if she was annoyed any time he brought up the subject of Nikki Heat, or the upcoming fourth novel. In truth, she was flattered, always had been. She never dreamed she would be the type of person to inspire a writer's passion, and inspiring his…she admitted to herself, was intoxicating.
It was almost April, and that meant Richard Castle's birthday was fast approaching. She had been wracking her brain for weeks trying to figure out what to do for him. Kate had never acknowledged his birthday before – neither had ever acknowledged the others – but this time, this year, she knew she needed to do something. It had been five weeks since the debacle with Sophia Turner and the CIA and Kate knew she hadn't done a great of a job of hiding her jealousy and pain in that situation. She wanted – no, she needed – to show him he was important to her. Needed to show him that she had heard him when he told her their relationship was different than what he'd had with Sophia. Kate understood why it was different – she knew that he loved her – but she could not say it out loud. Not yet. For now…she would concentrate on finding him the best birthday present she could.
After hours of wandering around a mall on her day off she came to the conclusion that she needed help. She took out her phone and shuffled through her contact list. Her finger fell on the name and she hesitated, not sure if it was the best idea to call but knowing it was likely the only solution to her dilemma. She took in a deep breath, steeling her resolve, and pressed the call button.
An hour later she sat at a small, bistro table on the sidewalk of a café in Tribeca. She kept trying to keep her mind from wandering back to the looks, the angered words…the hurt tone in the girl's voice the last time she had spoken to Alexis Castle. What was I thinking calling her? Kate asked herself for the millionth time as she raised the white ceramic mug to her lips but did not drink. The Skim Latte was chilled now. They had agreed to meet here at 2:30pm and it was just now five till, Kate noted as she looked at the watch on her wrist. Another deep breath, in and out. Don't think about it. Just don't think about it.
"Hey."
She was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of the voice to her left and turned to see her partner's poised redheaded daughter staring back at her. Alexis was holding onto her cell phone, gripping it like a vice, Kate noted sadly. She forced her eyes to move back to the young girl's face and actually felt like crawling into a hole. Kate had only seen such sadness in a face when she stared at her own in the mirror after her mother…she closed her eyes and shook the thought away. Not going there…not anymore…let it go, Kate, let it go. She repeated it over and over again in her mind – her mantra from Dr. Burke.
"Hey" She finally responded to the girl as she consciously opened up her posture to ensure Alexis knew that, no matter what, she was welcomed and wanted here. "Thanks for coming…"
"Anything for my dad." She said offhandedly making Kate flinch slightly as Alexis sat across from her. "So what's up exactly?"
"Well his birthday is coming up in a few days and I wanted to get him something…but I can't think of anything."
"So you called me?" Alexis asked with a hint of delight in her voice. It made Kate smile.
"Of course I called you. No one knows him like you do."
"Well there are a few things he's been saying he would just love to have…but that's mostly joking or trying to mess with Grams." Alexis smiled and Kate followed suit.
"So anything you think I could get for him?"
"Honestly…no." Alexis said. Kate looked her in the eyes and part of her felt completely dejected and the other part felt like railing at the girl. She fought both impulses and opened her mouth to speak, but Alexis beat her to it: "Nothing would be enough."
"Alexis…" Kate said softly.
"If you want to do something for him, make it something personal; something that only you could give him. Nothing bought from a store or something that he's told Grams and me that he wants…it would be obvious that it came from one of us and not you."
"So what would you suggest?"
"I would suggest…" Alexis paused and Kate feared the girl was about to scream at her…lay it all out on this sidewalk. All the pain and anger she was holding inside. But, as was common with Alexis, Kate was stunned when the young woman opened her mouth. Kate could never have come up with a better idea herself.
The evening of April first arrived and Kate Beckett paced in front of the entrance to The Old Haunt. Black Pawn had wanted to throw him a birthday soiree fit for a best selling novelist – outfitted with bright lights, people, drinks and a DJ, all in a massive ballroom in uptown Manhattan. He had refused. He opted instead for a more intimate affair with his closest friends and family and a few lucky fans whom had won this opportunity from Black Pawn – a detail which she heard him very vehemently arguing in whispered tones with Gina over in deserted corners of the 12th precinct. He was not pleased, Kate could tell, but he accepted it graciously because it could have been much, much worse.
Kate walked back down the stairs through the entrance once she felt she had her wits about her, scanning the crowd. She spotted him chatting animatedly with Ryan, Esposito, Lanie and Jenny at the bar. Martha, Jim and Alexis stood near a patio door talking about Alexis' latest college application exploits and Kate could not help but smile at how easily Alexis and Jim seemed to be handling things.
She snaked her way through the people milling around the room and heard some hushed exclamations of "Nikki Heat" come from groups as she walked past. She looked back to where the group was standing at the bar and caught Castle's eye. She smiled broadly when she saw the excitement in them. There was more than excitement in their depths, she noted, so much more in those blue irises…but she knew she wasn't quite ready to start analyzing what it all was. Not yet…
She walked up to him and watched as he leaned lightly against the bar. He looked fantastic, as always, but something was just different tonight. His face was glowing and his posture seemed more relaxed than it had for weeks. He looked more like he had at Ryan and Jenny's wedding…a bit more carefree than he normally was these days.
"How's it going birthday boy?"
"Birthday Man, Detective, Birthday Man…" He said with a flick of his eyebrows. She could not help but grin at the ridiculousness of his comment and, without thinking, reached out and wrapped her arms lightly around his broad shoulders. She felt his arms wrap around her waist and felt she just might explode from the heat created by the contact.
"Congratulations, Birthday Man." She said softly as they pulled apart. They were too close, and she knew she should move away, take a step back, but her body was not listening to her brain. It never seemed to whenever he was around.
"Thank you, Kate." He said just as softly to her, his voice sweet and tender to her ears. They smiled at each other. The look in his eyes took her breath away, if she had ever – even once – doubted that he loved her…there was no way she could now. That was the only way she could describe the look because she had never seen it before him. She had seen glimpses of it in her parents' eyes or when Ryan and Jenny would gaze at one another when they thought no one was looking; but she had only seen it looking back at her from his eyes.
She wanted to scream when the voice from the microphone, sitting on the hastily constructed stage at the other end of the room, interrupted her thoughts:
"Ladies and Gentleman – please welcome the man of the night! Richard Castle!" Gina cooed annoyingly from the stage. Kate rolled her eyes without thinking making Castle snort a laugh. "Richard?" She said with a question from the stage, looking around the room for him. He looked to Kate, rolled his eyes and walked toward the stage – toward her. Kate fought the urge to smack her. No, she fought the urge to shoot her. Honestly, the only thing that stopped her was the fact that she left her Glock at home.
Kate watched as Castle approached the stage and turned to smile at the clapping crowd. He was gracious and congenial, thanking the crowd for coming and celebrating with him. He smiled widely as he walked from the stage and joined their group – which now included Martha, Jim and Alexis.
"Dad, you really should just tell her to stuff a sock in it!" Alexis said and every head in their circle turned to her with looks of astonishment. "What? Oh yeah, you weren't thinking it?" She said to the group as a whole.
"As much as I would love to spend all night right here with all of you, I have to go mingle." Castle said sadly. With a nod to the group he turned and began walking the room slowly. Kate turned slightly from the group and watched him as he moved amongst the crowd, and marveled at his ease in these situations. She tried not to let the smile on her face grow to ridiculous proportions as she watched him pull up a chair with a group of people – obviously fans. He talked enthusiastically with them until someone came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Happy birthday, Richard!" she watched his eyes go wide and all of the joy in his posture quickly deflated. He turned and she could see the annoyance in his features and hear the strain in his voice:
"Meredith. What are you doing here?"
"Oh please, like I was ever going to miss your birthday!" She cooed as she reached out to hug him. Kate could hear Martha and Alexis behind her laughing as Castle's posture stiffened when Meredith's body made contact with his.
"Because you haven't missed the last, oh, ten of them?"
"Details." She said with a wave of her perfectly manicured hand. Yet another murder indictment, Kate Beckett thought as she closed her eyes. Kate suddenly felt a hand at her elbow and looked to see Alexis holding onto her.
"Come with me…" she heard softly in her ear. Kate considered refusing the request – not completely sure why Alexis would want her to be anywhere near Meredith - but she was not in a mood to create a scene…tonight is for Castle she said to herself, following Alexis' prodding. They approached the table where Castle and Meredith stood.
"Mom…what are you doing here?"
"Alexis, sweetheart!" Meredith shouted as she reached to wrap Alexis in what Kate could describe as a mix between a chokehold and a death grip…how was this woman a mother at all? "'I'm here for your father's birthday of course!"
"Well isn't that sweet," Alexis said, her voice ripe with sarcasm her mother either did not notice or did not care about. "Mom, how about you and I go find you something to drink?"
"Sounds perfect." She said as she leaned in to give Castle yet another hug. Can you kill someone twice, Kate thought as Meredith finally detached herself from Castle. As the woman walked away, Alexis in tow, Kate looked to Castle and chuckled as he shuddered.
"You okay there?" she asked him.
"Oh yeah, once I go home and bathe in acid for a month I'll be great!" A round of giggling at her side startled her and she turned to the group sitting at the table where Castle sat talking just moments before.
"Oh I'm so sorry, don't let me interrupt!" Kate said as she began to walk away. Castle took hold of her elbow; just firm enough to stop her in her tracks.
"Oh you're not getting off that easy. Ladies and Gentleman," he said with a wink to the lone male in the group and smiled. "Introducing the illustrious Kate Beckett." She was met with a response of excited exclamations, most of which she could understand. A young woman at the edge of the group leaned in and spoke to Kate:
"Sorry, they have a hard time forming sentences when they get excited!" She extended her hand to Kate: "I'm Marjorie – but my friends call me Marjo – and these are my friends. It's such a pleasure to meet you, Detective."
"It's a pleasure to meet you as well. I adore your accent…where in France are you from?"
"J'habite en Provence," Marjo responded with a smile as she swiped an errant strand of dark hair behind her ear.
"Provence? C'est dans le sûd de la france, n'est-ce pas?" Kate asked as the woman's eyes lit up.
"Oui, a l'embouchure du Rhône…" Marjo responded.
"And for the language challenged…" Castle said wryly.
"Sorry!" Kate said and looked toward Castle, "I was just asking if Provence was in the south of France…"
"And I responded that it is and I live right off the Rhone River. Your French is lovely!" she exclaimed, turning back to Kate.
"Je vous remercie beaucoup!" Kate said.
"May I ask you something?" Marjo looked to Castle cautiously and he smiled at the women then turned toward the rest of the group at Marjo's table.
"Sure…" Kate said uncertainly. Sensing Kate's desire to not allow Castle to overhear, Marjo turned toward her and began to whisper in French.
"Etes-vous deux ensemble?" Kate blushed slightly and whispered back.
"No, we're not together…"
"Sérieusement?"
"Seriously."
"POURQUOI?""
"So many reasons why…"
"Comme par exemple?"
"Such as…" Kate began and then her voice fell off. She bit her bottom lip and looked to Castle chatting with the rest of the group. Kate turned back toward the young woman who was smiling widely at her.
"Bien, personnellement, je ne sais pas comment vous réprimez l'envie de le sauter?" Kate's eyes grew wide as she felt Castle's presence behind her. Marjo raised her eyebrows and fixed her gaze on Kate who could feel the flush rising hot and fast in her cheeks. Oh it's becoming harder and harder not to jump him, trust me… she thought and let her eyes close.
"You ladies have a good conversation?"
"Oui!"
"Yes…we did." Kate felt Castle's hand on her elbow as he began to lead her back to the bar.
"Can I just say?" Marjo began and looked at the couple standing in front of her. "Vous deux faites un très beau couple…" she winked slyly at Kate and then rejoined the conversation at the table around her.
"What did she just say?" Castle asked, leaning into her ear. His breath was hot on the side of her face, making her head spin.
"Oh she just said that Meredith was a couple kinds of crazy." Castle nodded in agreement to Kate's lie. Thanks Marjo, we do make a beautiful couple, don't we? Kate thought as she turned back to catch a glimpse of the young woman smiling at her.
An hour later, with much protest from the birthday man, gifts were exchanged. The best were the handmade ones brought from his fans which he took time to look over and handled with special care. Kate could not suppress the laugh that escaped at the handmade, montage of photos and quotes, which was made by Marjo and her friends. After all the gifts had been opened, and Castle had profusely thanked everyone in attendance, Alexis' voice registered in Kate's ears.
"Only one more left, Dad."
"What? Where?"
"Mine…" Kate said as she took a deep breath and stood from her stool walking toward the stage. She cleared her throat and stepped in front of the microphone.
"Hi, everyone. Most of you know me and for those who don't; I'm Kate Beckett – the inspiration for Nikki Heat and Castle's partner. I've been wracking my brain for weeks trying to figure out what to get you for your birthday, Castle. And every time I thought I'd figured it out it just didn't seem good enough. So after much deliberation, I went straight to the source…" a round of quizzical expressions greeted her from the crowd before she continued: "Alexis." He smiled and nodded looking to his daughter. "And she told me to get you something that no one else could. Something personal. And what could be better than a little bit more 'character' for Nikki Heat? Something no one really knows about me…"
She could see his posture perk up at the realization. She was aware of every eye in the room on her…the lights were just bright enough that she couldn't see distinct faces unless they were right next to the stage, but she could see him and she spoke as if they were the only two in the room:
"My mom taught me to play guitar when I was seven years old. We used to play and sing together all the time. After that night…I pretty much stopped playing. Every time I did it just reminded me of her." She walked to the edge of the stage and grabbed a hold of the Black Artwood Ibanez and slung the guitar over her shoulder. She walked back to the microphone and sat on the stool that had been placed there for her. "The first time I heard this song I thought it would make a great Nikki, Rook moment – especially after the ending of Heat Rises!" she said with a pointed look to Castle who shrugged and tried to look as innocent as possible. "So I hope you like it…"
With that she placed the guitar firmly in her hands. She placed the capo at the third fret and began strumming the simple chord progression: D, G, D, G, A. D, G, D, G, A. After a short intro, her sweet voice filled the room:
I should have told you I sold my soul to my angel
I should have told you this world is not my home
I should have wrapped you, wrapped you like a present
I should have gotten to you before you were grown
She could feel Meredith and Gina glaring at her now…out of the corner of her eyes she could see them alternately looking from her to Castle and back again. They were getting agitated at the fact that Castle couldn't tear his eyes away from the woman at the microphone. The fans scattered throughout the room were completely entranced. Kate could see the far off look in her father's eyes as he watched her play for the first time since Johanna was found in that alleyway. She could just see the smile on Marjo's face as the young woman mouthed the words of the song along with her:
I should have whispered in your ear when you were lonely
I should have taken you, taken you by the hand
I should have told you, you were, you are worthy
I should have shown you, you are, you are a beautiful man
I want to save you from yourself
I want to save you from everybody else
I want to be inside you and I can't
And I am doing the best that I can
For my beautiful man
The words were flooding her head. She knew this would be the hard part. She could feel the tears burning the edges of her vision as she tried to keep herself together. The words were all too true and, under the guise of character development, she caught his eye and held him there as she sang the words to him. This was the personal part and her eyes questioned if he knew that these words were not coming from Nikki Heat to Jameson Rook, but from Katherine Beckett to Richard Castle:
I should have told you I would be difficult
I should have shown you the scars on my soul
I should have told I wanted you, I wanted you to take care of me
Without allowing you any of my control
I want to save you from yourself
I want to save you from everybody else
I want to be inside you and I can't
And I am doing the best that I can
My beautiful man, oh
I am doing the best that I can
Oh you beautiful man
I should have told I wasn't anybody good enough for you
I should whisper I am unkind
I want to save you from yourself
I want to save you from everybody else
I want to save you from myself
I am doing the best that I can
My beautiful man
My beautiful, beautiful man
My beautiful man
Oh my beautiful man
You're my beautiful, beautiful
You're my beautiful man
Through the lights shinning on her face her gaze held him motionless in time. She smiled and felt a lone tear make its way down her cheek.
"Happy Birthday, Castle."
