The scene is a café in Dublin, sometime between The Lost Colony and the Time Paradox. Characters so far: Artemis, Butler.

Artemis: Waiter! I demand you bring me Irish Spring Water!

Waiter: In a moment, sir, I must first serve this old gentleman here…

Old Gentleman There: In matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing!

Artemis: Did you just quote Oscar Wilde at me?

Old Gentleman There: YES!

Artemis: This can't happen! I challenge you to a duel!

Butler: Um, Sir?

Old Gentleman There: You young scoundrel!

Artemis: STOP IT! *Picks up sword* AHHH!

*Trips, falls, stabs waiter in the foot.*

Waiter: Ah my foot.

Artemis: Why did you not say that with more pain? Like, all caps?

Waiter: Don't ask me, ask Riquez Oro.

Artemis: Hey Riquez Oro! Why didn't he have all caps?

Riquez Oro: My caps lock got stuck.

Artemis: You fool!

Riquez Oro: Don't insult me! I can make you do stupid things…

Artemis: Like what!

*Artemis gets up on table and starts moonwalking around the edge of it*

Butler: Um, sir, you are vulnerable to sniper fire on that table…

Artemis: LET ME DO-And it was Thrillah! Thrill-ah night!

Riquez Oro: :-D

Artemis: STOP I-Billie Jean, is not my lov-er…

Riquez Oro: Fine, I'll stop. Wait, why are you talking about me anyway?

Artemis: Anyway… I need to order. WAITER!

Old Gentleman There: He had to go put some ice on his foot.

Artemis: Curses.

Butler: Can we end this chapter?