I needed to write something, because I have about twenty plot bunnies at the moment that are all threatening to kill me, or even worse, BREED. With each other, even. It's really, really scary. I'm afraid for what little sanity I have left. So I did this. As far as I can tell, it's based off "The Princess Bride", although what with all the plot bunnies, I can't really think straight anymore... I think it may have also been powerpuffs. Or something of the sort.
Oh, and the plot bunnies own everything, up to and including "The Princess Bride", Harry Potter, Merlin, Pokemon, and the universe. So that rules me out.
Harry Potter, , the Boy-Who-Lived, savior of the wizarding world, the only person ever to have survived a killing curse and also having survived, in his first year, Voldemort (again), his second, a basilisk and part of Voldemort's soul with only a phoenix and a hat (although to be fair that hat did contain a sword), his third a convicted and highly feared mass murderer, an actually very pitiful real mass murderer, and a werewolf, his fourth a deadly competition that someone several years ahead of him did not survive, his fifth, sixth, and seventh years a Voldemort who was very dead set on getting him killed, and did we mention he was one of the few billion people who managed to survive their first Halloween? Or we could have just said Harry Potter. But that would be boring.
Anyways, we seem to have lost track of where we were going with this. Basically, Harry was walking to his death. What with all the angst he spouted, though he was admittedly somewhat justified there as his life frankly sucked, no one was really too surprised he was committing suicide-wait, no one knew, did they? Oops. Anyways, yes, Harry was pretty much committing suicide.
A whole fiasco later, in which Harry yet again managed to survive the Killing Curse and there was quite the battle scene, or maybe two or three, we couldn't tell you as we haven't read the last book or anything concerning it in ages, and as far as we are concerned there might not have been any battle scenes at all, Harry was once again walking towards Voldemort. The only difference was this time he wasn't trying to indirectly commit suicide, proving he smarter than, for one, Thomas Edison, because he at least knew how to stop. Oh, sure, Edison ended up making a really cool light bulb that basically set off huge improvements in...lighting...but still.
In any case, Harry started to stalk menacingly towards Voldemort, who didn't notice because he was too busy with some very important monologueing, thank you very much.
"Ahem," Harry said, in a way that really wasn't at all like Dolores Umbridge, and we really mean this and we're trying to impress upon you that we're not being sarcastic, thank you. Anyways, Voledmort finally started and looked up at Harry, who had somehow managed to get ahold of the Sword of Gryffindor again. During this time, it would have been entirely possible, indeed, even probable, for someone to stun Voldemort and then have Harry finish him off with a quick Avada, but as someone, probably Hermione or Dumbledore, once pointed out, wizards aren't too big on logic. Note that this is not a direct quote. It really isn't.
So Harry finally got Voldemort's attention. He started towards the monster, sword held in hand menacingly. Voldemort gulped and for whatever idiotic reason did not send an Killing Curse at Harry, who was pleasantly surprised and flashed Voldemort a quick smile before returning to business, namely, trying to kill Voldemort after quoting probably the only movie he'd ever seen, ever, due to his abusive relatives. "You killed my father." He said, in an extremely horrendous Spanish accent, but it worked. Voldemort gaped at this. "Prepare to die." He then cocked his head thoughtfully, and dropped the accent. "I suppose you also killed my mother, Cedric, indirectly Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Colin Creevy, and I think a whole bunch of other people." He looked a bit angry, before adding, "Prepare to die."
He then threw the sword up where it landed solidly in a rock which somehow, in the chaos of the battle, had managed to get the dust they put in time turners on it, which suddenly activated and sent it to the very distant past where a guy named Arthur would eventually pull it out, being aided by Merlin, his dearest friend and...yeah, that's another story entirely.
Anyways, after completely ignoring where the sword went, which was really rather stupid of him as it was coated in basilisk venom and could have easily cleaved one of his friends in half, Harry smiled brightly at his greatest adversary. "Also, you're only mostly dead. Which is a lot different than all dead. With mostly dead, there's still things you can do. With all dead, well, there's only one thing left-go through his pockets and look for spare change. And that is not by any means a direct quote, sorry about that Luna!" Luna yelled back from somewhere, "That's alright Harry!" She had to yell pretty loud to be heard over the crickets chirping.
Harry said, "Thanks Luna!" before turning back to Voldemort. "So you see, I kind of have to remedy that, cause I kind of want to see if you have interesting coins in those darkly menacing robes. You see, I'm missing a few from my collection." He then cheerfully uttered a spell which no one heard over the crickets chirping, but apparently what it did, randomly enough, was conjure a yellow mouse like creature that the muggleborns recognized as a Pokemon and more specifically Pikachu. Most of them did, anyways. THE ONES WHO HAD SOULS DID.
Harry ordered, "Pikachu, go! Attack the evil guy who looks like a snake except uglier!" Pikachu then ran over to Voldemort, who was at that point too utterly confused to do anything, especially since his monologue had been interrupted. That hadn't happened since... since...
While Voldemort was trying desperately to remember the last time someone had dared interrupt his monologue, so he could punish them as soon as he ruled the world as the grand Poo-bah of ALL, Pikachu shocked him, saying, "Pika!"
This prompted a heart attack from his frail snake heart, and Voldemort died.
And that was that.
Well, originally the idea was to somehow get Harry to say, "You killed my father. Prepare to die." In a spanish accent, to Voldemort, only I BLAME THE PLOT BUNNIES THEY'VE TAKEN CONTROL OF MY BODY PLEASE HELP ME YOU HAVE TO HELP ME AAAAGH!
