Tessellate
Summary: Kamen Rider Gaim. The truth is a weapon and Mitsuzane has a loaded gun.
Author's note: I remember when Micchi was a cute, innocent boy who danced as a way to control his own life but now he's SADNESS AND PAIN AND BETRAYAL AND UGH I'm too upset for this.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gaim.
"I just wanted you to be happy!"
-Micchi, episode 23.
The truth is a weapon and Mitsuzane has a loaded gun.
He didn't mean for it to happen like this, at first. It was always about protecting Kouta and Mai; and then when he couldn't protect Kouta anymore it was about making sure Mai was safe, making sure Mai was happy, making sure Mai was blissfully ignorant.
It wasn't his fault, at first. He fought for all the right reasons in all the wrong ways and now he wasn't really sure where up was and if he was drowning how come he could still breathe just enough to stay alive.
And now he wasn't sure whether his name was Micchi or Mitsuzane—because two very important people had two very important opinions about what he should be fighting for. It wasn't like it was an easy choice, no, nothing simple like friends or family. Mai and Kouta were his family, but Takatora had always been such a constant presence he was entirely certain he'd be unable to cope if that were suddenly ripped away from him.
So now he was caught in between Micchi and Mitsuzane. Caught in between a smiling boy and a man who would have to grow up too quickly to make the decisions no one else could. He could save himself or he could save the world. Either way, the outcome would be strangely selfish, which in itself was a nostalgic feeling.
He missed being able to sneak out to the stage and dance with a family who didn't know who he was—he'd rather that than be in a house with a family who knew what they wanted him to be. It was overbearing and suffocating and if he had to spend another day in his room with only textbooks with empty words that ran together in streaks of paint that looked like tears—
He missed a lot of things.
And now he held a lot of those things in his hands, so if he chose to he could set fire to them and watch everything curl up into wisps of smoke and float through the clouds and into the brightest blue skies you've ever seen.
He liked that idea, sometimes. Other times he was terrified of the thought of just how easy it would be to end it all. Wasn't it supposed to be harder than this? But oh, how easy it was to put on a smiling mask and assure Kouta that everything was okay, everything would be fine, he'd continue to fight, it was okay to stop fighting. Kouta wasn't the kind of boy who would be able to handle having blood in his mouth.
It'd break him. Nobody would be able to put him back together, even if they had all the time in the world (they don't).
Unfortunately, Kouta would never stop. He didn't know how to. Meanwhile, Mitsuzane could never start. And when his betrayal would come to light it'd be an ugly thing covered in shards of glass that were once little pieces of themselves that they left behind in the forests of Helheim, among ruins and rubble and stones that once meant something to someone.
It'd be more than a knife in the back. That's why he would keep his secrets for as long as he could. He would have liked to think that there was the possibility that Kouta would never find out, but he wasn't naïve nor was he stupid.
When it would happen, he would not have meant for it to.
The truth is a weapon, and Micchi has a loaded gun.
