Act 1 Part 1
A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, holds NO SIGNIFICANT IMPORTANCE TO THIS MAN WHATSOEVER. What shall the name of this young man be?
Enter name.
Stupid fatass
Well that's just plain mean.
Try again.
James Breen
That's better.
Examine room.
Your name is JAMES BREEN. As was previously mentioned, today holds NO SIGNIFICANT IMPORTANCE TO YOU WHATSOEVER. Your room is scattered with various POSTERS depicting your INTRESTS. You have a passion for CARTOONS and VIDEO GAMES. Man do you love video games. You have a special appreciation for a particular video game company, which for copyright reasons you can't name but rhymes with BLENTENDO. What will you do?
James: Remove fake arms from bookshelf.
Fake arms? Why would you have, much less need fake arms? You can't imagine using them unless you were some sort of HARD-BOILED DETECTIVE or a CHILD WHO LIKES PRANKS.
James: Examine posters.
You examine the posters strewn across the walls. Yup, they're all here. Adventure time, Gravity Falls, Legend of Ze—you mean, Kelda, Zario, Homest—OH SHOOT
James: Quick, remove the Homestuck poster from the wall before the reader can process this fourth wall break!
You quickly knock the poster off the wall and behind a dresser before the reader processes the fourth wall break that questions the sanctity of the metaphysical fan universe this story takes place in.
James: Examine Sburb poster.
Sburb? What's that? Oh right, that stupid PC game everyone is talking about. You don't really want to play it. You're more of a console gamer than a PC gamer. Your friends have been bugging you about getting it, but they're more annoying than helpful.
James: Examine pet gecko.
Ah Jackamo. Sweet, sweet Jackamo. Is it possible to have a cooler pet? You think not.
James: Examine the contents of your closet.
Inside the closet you find ONE (1) MASTER SWORD PROP(You decide to give up trying to avoid copyright claims. You can't run from Nintendo.), ONE (1) HYLIAN SHEILD PROP, ONE (1) PADDINGTON BEAR PLUSH, ONE (1) ETCH A SKETCH BOARD, ONE (1) HAWAIIAN FLOWER NECKLACE and SEVERAL (-) SPIDERS AND BUGS. Man, you should really clean this out more. You haven't seen this Paddington Bear plush for years. It… kinda freaks you out to be honest.
James: Captchalogue all.
You captchalogue everything you found (except for the spiders and bugs, of course) into your minigame modus. You will need to play a short minigame if you want to access the item later. Sometimes, in the dead of night, you captchalogue an item just to play the game. This would bring shame to your family if anyone found out. Oh hey, one of your chums is pestering you.
James: Open Pesterchum.
Pesterchum? That old app that comes pre installed on phones and computers? No one uses that crappy thing anymore. You can't even send pictures! You use a texting client like every other teenager on the planet.
James: Open texting client.
Textlog
4/13
12:20
CM to JB
CM: J u there
CM:J
CM:J
CM: J
JB: WHAT?!
CM: Hi
JB: Hilarious. Comedy gold.
JB: Now what do you want
CM: Did yu get it
JB: Get what
CM: The game
JB: Con, I told you I'm not getting it
CM: Com on man, its free
JB: Even if it is, it came out three days ago. I'd never get a copy
CM: No man that doesn't matter
CM: They have enough disks for everyone on earth
CM: People say it's magic
JB: Yeah right
JB: I'll get a copy of the most popular game ever if I just believe hard enough.
JB: Just click my grey rubber sneakers together three times
JB: "I want a copy of Sburb I want a copy of Sburb I want a copy of Sburb"
JB: And boom.
CM: Yeah p much
JB: Ok then. I'm gonna grab my computer
CM: Dont forget the heel clicks
JB: Of course.
12:40
4/13
JB signed off
Man you hate him. You hate all your friends, really. You're convinced you have some form of Stockholm syndrome.
James: Head into living room.
Your parents get cranky if you take the laptop into your room. If you're going out you should probably prepare for a strife.
James: Combine Master sword prop and Hylian shield prop, then allocate to strife specibus.
You combine the two captcha cards, then allocate to your strife specibus and equip. Perfect. You look like the hero of time himself, except for the fact that you have brown hair and glasses and look nothing like him.
James: Exit.
