Super Smash Resolutions

Happy New Year! What better way of celebrating than to make up resolutions for the Smashers in a crack fic? Enjoy.


Mario: I-a swear that I'll drop those 20 pounds I keep geeting back! Just one more triple chocolate cheesecake for the road.

Luigi: I'm-a try and not get left in the dust and behind Mario's shadow.

Peach: I'll keep my affair a secret from Mario.

Mario: Your WHAAAT?! From who?!

Peach: (Sigh)...Luigi.

Luigi: Yay! My resolution is-a already working!

Bowser: I'll burn all those who made me a wimp by having those MeXPeach fics. One is too much!

Daisy: Heh. You're not gonna burn EVERYONE. It's just too much.

Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Bowser: ...YOU'RE NOT IN THIS SERIES!!!

Daisy: (Sigh). So much for my resolution.

Donkey Kong: My resolution is to steal Diddy's bananas...more so.

Diddy Kong: My resolution is to find the thief who keeps taking my bananas and sling poop on his face til next year!

Donkey Kong: Diddy! I see him! He went that way!

Diddy Kong: Come back here, banana thief!!

Donkey Kong: (Carrying a big bag) Hehe...sucker.

Yoshi: My resolution is to keep Mario (glaring at him) from riding me.

Mario: It's not me. It's Bowser. He's in a worse mood than usual, and he needs to ride something.

Yoshi: ... My new resolution is to get a chiropractor! (Gulps)

Wario: My resolution is to be-a better and-a richer than ever...but even-a Wario finds that impossible.

Waluigi: Yeah, cause that'll never happen. Kind of like my resolution of being in the Wario Ware games.

Wario: Aww, quit your whinning!

Link: My resolution is to keep Zelda away from Ganon...and to slay the CD-i creators.

Zelda: Really? That's my resolution! To keep me away from Ganon and to slay the CD-i creators.

Ganondorf: Well, I guess my resolution is to break yours! (Takes Zelda and leaves).

Link: Damnit! Well, there's still the CD-i resolution.

Toon Link: Well, my resolution is to be just like Link in the future.

Link: ...Think about it for second, younger me.

Samus: My resolution is to get of those porn pics of me in my zero suit in deviantArt.

Ridley: That's impossible. More will come before you think you're done.

Samus: Fine, I'll get rid of those pairing with every swordsman Smasher fics.

Ridley: Again, not possible.

Samus: You know what? I'm just gonna blow up a galaxy then!

Ridley: Now that's something achievable.

Pit: My resolution is to announce that because I'm an angel, doesn't make me gay! If that don't get into people's heads, then my resolution will be having another game so my fans will stop complaining!

Toon Link: What fans? Your resolution is to not spam so much.

Pit: Look who's talking!

Popo: My resolution is to get away from my sister for at least a second of my life.

Nana: And my resolution is to get closer to my bro-bro each time.

Popo: NANA!! What are you doing here?! I'm using the bathroom now!

Nana: Teehee. So am I.

Popo: Whuaa...

Master Hand: We here in Smashville will like to notify that there was no actions of incest involved, nor do we support it.

R.O.B: My resolution is to become a human celebrity.

Luigi: You do not want that.

R.O.B: Why not? I'll be more respected than everyone here.

Luigi: Let me tell you a story from Mario called 'Paparazii...'

(One story later)

R.O.B: Umm...never mind my resolution. I'll be over there playing with Katamari's RoboKing.

Kirby: My resolution is to not inhale people, but their clothes...particularly the ladies.

Peach, Zelda, and Samus: YOU PERVERT!! (Starts wailing on him, anime style).

Meta Knight: Such insolence. My resolution is to redeem myself by destroying this site and fanfictions.

King Dedede: Hey, Meta Spam! At least you have popular fanfics. Name one, I say, one fanfic about me in this section!

Meta Knight: ...Umm...I'm pretty sure Yoshizilla has written some about you.

King Dedede: But it's always with that fat, bushy mustachioed buffoon!

Mario: Don't talk about your mother like that!

Master Hand: Can we please get this resolutions thing over with before we get sued?

King Dedede: Well, fanfics aren't my resolution. What is my resolution is to destroy 4-kids for giving me a hillbilly voice...what were they thinking?!

Olimar: My resolution is to pluck more than 6 Pikmin at a time. Apparently, I can't do that because some douche in purple killed them all!

Fox: My resolution is to buy a gun that actually hurts people, yet has the speed of mine.

Falco: Well, there's a store called 'Guns 'R Us.' I think they have those.

Fox: Quit your smart mouthin, Falco!

(Immediatly, at the Guns 'R Us store)

Fox: Excuse me, sir, but do you have a gun that hurts?

Falco: My resolution is to not be known as the jerk from Star Fox. That's maybe the only reason why I'm in this game instead of Old as Hell Peppy, Annoying as Hell Krystal, and Dumb as Hell Slippy.

Slippy: You're doing terrible at your resolution!

Wolf: My resolution is to RULE OVER THE TRI-STATE AREA!! Bwahahaha...oh, and defeat Star Fox.

Leon: ...That's it. No more Phineas and Ferb for you.

Wolf: But it's the only good thing on Disney now!

Captain Falcon: My goal is for my Falcon Punch to destroy a whole entire galaxy!

Samus: That already happened.

Captain Falcon: ...It did?

Pikachu: My resolution is for the T.V. series to end. I bet people are watching the new show is to see if there will be more upskirts with 10 year old Dawn.

Jigglypuff: That's disturbing, Pikachu.

Pokemon Trainer: My resolution is to become a Pokemon Master!

Squirtille: Aww, screw you, man! We Pokemon suffer ourselves by fighting one another for pleasure, and you humans take the credit!

Ivysaur: And us fighting these Smashers isn't the way for stupid dream to come true.

Charizard: My resolution is to beat the snot out of this kid, and I'm sure you two are with me! (he, Squirtlle, and Ivysaur beating up the Pokemon Trainer.)

Lucario: My destiny is to become the strongest Pokemon ever.

Mewtwo: Puh-lease. I find it ironic that you can make balls appear, and you don't have that between your legs.

Lucario: Why would you look there, you perv!

Jigglypuff: My resolution is to have the guts to tell Kirby that I love him. We're nearly the same, so I don't see what's stopping us.

Pikachu: JigglyXKnight fics.

Meta Knight: This is what I'm talking about redeeming myself!

Marth: 私の決断は英語で話すことである。 Ikeはそうなぜcan'それをすることができる; t Iか。 また、スラッシュのpairings無しのために。 私はI' girly見るかもしれない; mない、良くか。

Ike: ...I have no idea what you've just said.

Marth: (Sigh) 決して…愚かなSmashersを気にしてはいけない

Ike: Well, my resolution is to fight for my friends.

Link: What friends?

Ike: Shut up.

Ness: My resolution is to be more known. I bet no one knew who I was in the firsh Smash Bros. game...now on Wii Shop Channel.

Lucas: I still don't know who you are.

Ness: ...I'm sorry, but who are you?

Lucas: Anyway, my wish is to have Ness's courage and bravery.

Ness: Who the heck are you?

Mr. Game and Watch: My resolution is to be 3-D like everyone else.

Mario: Seriously, who thought of-a having this thing as a Smasher?

Sonic: That hurts, Mario. That really hurts.

Mario: I was-a talking about Mr. Game and Watch, stupid.

Snake: My resolution is to beat Meta Knight on the Tier List.

Meta Knight: Why me.

Ganondorf: DAMNIT, SNAKE! I was hoping no one would mention that God forsaken list!!

Mario: Besides, Snake, Tiers are-a for Queers.

Snake: I was hoping you didn't say that.

Sonic: Well, my resolution is to not judge people by their speed.

Bowser: Hey, Sonic. Have you seen Yoshi?

Sonic: UR TOO SLOOOOOW!!! (Dashes off)...DAMNIT!!

Pichu: My resolution is to become a Smasher again.

Pikachu: Wait til you evolve, then ring-a-ding-ding, you're a Smasher.

Pichu: Umm...cool?

Roy: You're not the only one, Pichu. Ike and Lucario took our spots.

Mewtwo: And he doesn't have any balls!

Lucario: STOP SAYING THAT!!

Sonic: Well, that resolution didn't go well at all. So my new resolution is to have a better Sonic game. And I'm leaving that up to Sega.

Mario: That'll be less likely than a bad Nintendo-made Mario game.

Sonic: Well uhh...UR TOO SLOOOOOW!!! (Dashes off)...DAMN THIS RESOLUTION!!

Master Hand: Well, those are the Smashers resolutions. And I'm pretty sure that like Daisy, people want characters in this game as well (glances at MegaMan...somehow). And aside from all the drama, the Smashers are keeping their words...or will they? Tune in at 12/31/10 to find out their results, and then 1/1/11 for new resolutions. Until then, from all of us...

Everyone: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Master Hand: Oh and uh, Yoshizilla, if you're reading this we hope you don't mind using your name.