This is my first Vampire Diaries fan-fiction…I am a Damon/Elena fan so you may find the story supporting them, but it's not focus on them.

It takes place after 1x17 (when Stefan leaves the room without his ring, willing to die).

After that (episodes 1x18-1x22), the basic events are still on but I changed them a little bit. Finally I have my own version for the upcoming season…Hope you like it! Please review!

THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS

When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you.

Friedrich Nietzsche

CHAPTER 1

Monday

May 20

All of my endings are waiting to begin...

Slipknot-circle

Stefan

I slowly slip out of the room, in case Damon is somewhere around. I know that he wouldn't let me out to attack to someone, not without –as he says- the Court around.

I don't want to fall to Elena either, even though I know that she won't be able t stop me. I am much stronger than her even in that situation.

I manage to get out of the house, without my precious ring of course.

I walk to the lake where all begun. As I see that place a bunch of memories flash before my eyes.

"You fed"

"Yes." I confirmed the obvious. "And it's incredible! My body is exploding my power!" I couldn't help grinning.

"No…" Damon said in a whining way to show me that he got what I wanted to do to him.

"I can hear things from far away. I can see through the darkness, I can move like it's magic…And the guilt" I added and I was sure that I was about to persuade him with that "the pain, Damon, I can turn it off like a switch!"

I got closer to him. "Katherine was right. There is a whole new world out there!"

Damon struggled to get up "Katherine is dead. There is no world without her…" his voice was broken and desperate. He got up and he passed beside me to leave but I grabbed him. I put my hand to his neck to make him listen.

"You can turn it off it too. You don't have to feel that pain anymore!"

"I don't want it" Damon removed my hand from his neck but I pulled it back.

"You are weak, you'll be dead soon…You need this! You'll die…" I said and I was sounding desperate too.

"No..I can't…" Damon whined.

But I didn't listen. I compelled the girl I had brought to come closer and I bit her to expose her blood to my brother.

"I won't let you die" I whispered.

"No I can't" he repeated staring at the girl's bleeding neck for a few seconds. Then I turned his face on me.

"We can do this, together!" I told him and he finally gave in.

It is so quiet here. The sun rises in about one hour.

I want to end my life where I was supposed to from the begging. And the worst thing is that I dragged Damon down with me.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I had let him die…Would it be better? And for who? The answers to that change through the years. It's another drawback of immortality…

I get closer to the soar. I close my eyes.

"You got what you want Stefan" Damon told me. His voice was completely different from before. He sound more….alive. "You and me for the eternity" he added smiling.

I smiled back.

"But hear this, brother… I will make an eternity of misery for you!" he told me and he left. From that moment my wonderful world collapsed.

Being a vampire would be curse for me, Emily had said. And it is true.

So many lives have been lost because of me and the best I can do is to stop being a threat to them. A danger to Elena…

Besides, if I am dead, I won't feel that pain anymore…

"What the hell you think you are doing?" Damon yells and grabs my hands.

"Get off of me!" I say through my teeth fighting to get away, but for my bad luck he is stronger. He locks my hand he and forces the ring on my finger. Then he let it go.

I am so pissed off with him right now "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE" I yell.

"No." he says flatly standing in front of me.

"Why?" I shout again "Why can't you just let me die? Why do you like so much to watch me suffer?"

When I see Damon's eyes I am sure that he is going to kill me. He seems too shocked and angry…and hurt? Then he takes a deep breath.

"Why do you want to die?" he asks calmly, like he is trying to make a point.
I take a deep breath too.

"I am a danger. Because so many people are dying."

"And what difference your death would make?" he asks and I blink. "Will your death bring anyone back? Or are you that stupid to think that if you die all the vampires will turn to saints, all people will live peacefully and nobody will be hurt ever again?" he says and I see that he tries so hard not to yell "I don't think so! Guess what Stefan! You will cause more pain dead than alive!"

"How so?"I ask as I can't see what he means.

He stares at me for a second and he makes a fist with his hand. Then he lets go.

"Have you considered how your death will hurt Elena? Do you think that she cares if you have killed some people in the past? She loves you, Stefan. And if you die you damn her to a life full of pain and guilt for your death!

And if her suffer isn't enough for you, think of this freaking town Stefan! In case you didn't notice Mystic Falls is the new Disneyland for vampires and more and more will appear! They will take over this town and…who knows? With Isobel and other angry and smartasses…maybe they will kill every single citizens here, including your girlfriend! I am trying to learn more about the storm that is coming Stefan. I am trying to save something…" he pauses "And I can't do this alone."

If you didn't know Damon you would say that he meant more than the obvious with his last sentence. But I know him. I think I do.

Anyhow, I have to admit that he is right. But…

"If you want to die fine, I am not gonna stop you. I don't care. But do both of us a favor Stefan! Don't say that you do this for Elena or for the world. You are doing this for yourself! Because the world is not perfect and you are not a freaking saint. Because you decided to leave me fighting alone in a world that you forced me to live! Oh I forgot you did that long ago!" Damon yells, he turns around and he leaves, without giving me a chance to answer.

1900, Great Britain

I was at my house, one of houses actually as I couldn't really call anything home as I didn't stay there more than two years.

"Do you need another bite?" Miranda asked, sitting on my lap.

I was compelling her of course to stay with me and offer me her blood. She wasn't that smart by herself anyway. She was so desperately to get married that she would give up on me without mind control.

I really liked her though. I mean her appearance. She was thin but with great…characteristics. Her hair was like gold.

I was avoiding brunette women as they were reminding me of Katherine. I didn't want to admit it but I was missing her bad. Even with the blood…All that vampire magic was gone for years now…

I stroke Miranda's hair from her neck and bit her. I didn't drink much though. I wasn't in the mood.

"Did you kill them?" she asked some moments later.

"Killed who?"

"All these people…They are been found almost drawn of blood, Stefan. So is it you?" she said looking for an instant smarter than I thought.

"No. I don't…kill people, Miranda" I half lied. Well I did kill people but rarely. What I mean is that I killed them only if I lost the control. The truth in what I said was that this time wasn't really me. It was another vampire.

My instinct said that I knew that vampire. And unfortunately I wasn't wrong.

An hour later, Miranda was cooking.

I heard a knock. I opened the door but I regretted the same moment.

"Damon" I said flatly.

"Stefan" he smiled. "Can I come in?"

"No you cannot." I said and I made an attempt to close the door

"Stefan? Who is it?" Miranda asked from the next room.

"Oh, come on, brother! Didn't you miss me at all?" he asked with his annoying arrogant smirk. "Plus I want to meet your lunch."

I tried to close the door again but he blocked it with his leg. I rolled my eyes and opened the door but I didn't invite him in.

He was looking at me now seriously without smirking.

"I just need to talk to you…" he said. Only later I realized that that was begging.

"We have nothing to say" I answered coldly.

"I have to talk to you Stefan. Just let me in." Damon asked again making a half smile.

I stayed silent for a second.

"Fine. Fulfill your destiny to make me miserable." I said through my teeth.

I called Miranda who let him in. Then she got back to the kitchen, closing the door behind her.

"What do you want?" I asked stiffly.

"I.." Damon sat on the chair and played with his fingers looking anywhere but me "I just want…to try…to do what you wanted" he was speaking too slow like he was saying the words silently before they come out loud.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, we can do this…together." He repeated my words. Damon finally looked at me. I thought I saw desperation in his eyes, but I wasn't sure.

I laughed. How could he even dare? He was the one who told me that his new purpose of life was to make me miserable. He was the one who slept with my girlfriend back then and caused all this. He was killing people all the time. He had killed Jessica, my girlfriend, ten years ago, even if he claims that it was an accident. Now I didn't want him in my life. I was better off without him.

"No way." I said still laughing.

"Why not?"

"Because I bloody hate you!" I said, smirking to myself for my British cursing. "I hate you" I spelled the word in case Damon hadn't listen "As a matter of fact I prefer to die rather being near you, brother." I mocked.

Damon looked at me and I could clearly see the anger in his eyes.

I leaned my head to his level "Now you can't make me miserable can you?" I mocked Damon's voice again.

My brother got up. For a last moment I saw hurt in his eyes, which quickly turned into coldness.
"If you think that I was trying all this time, well you are a fool. You haven't seen anything yet brother. Anything." He promised me before he go.

"And you will be alone. Forever" I yelled to the door and I felt like a kid who tried to have the last word in a fight.

I never learnt if he was telling me the truth about being brothers again.

I begin to walk to the house to calm Elena down, who I am sure is freaked out. I can still see my brother walking, cursing in Italian.

I've got to thank Damon too, for saving me. Maybe not now, but I will.

I promise.

Damon

It's been two days since Stefan, or should I say St. Stefan, tried to kill himself and be the hero for once more.

I am sure I am making a grimace while I am thinking of it.

Can you blame me? It's so fucking annoying. Whatever my little brother does, it is supposed to be for a greater purpose who all people seem to see it. I am certainly not one of them.

I am not one of anyone, actually. I make my own team. I take all the responsibilities but at least, it's hard to let myself down or to abandon me.

I am standing at the lake, which seems really creepy today. It's even creepy for me. I feel like I am on Friday 13rth movie. If I had to choose a role I would definitely be the killer.

I have seen every single movie with serial killers. It's my favorite theme. I love the way they think and it's interesting to see what led them to where they are standing right now. There is always a reason they acting crazy – geniously crazy- all of the sudden.

It is said that the human brain –and in some cases the vampire brain – is perfect. It's all in there. The past, the present, the future. The absolute knowledge. But this part –the biggest part- of the brain is locked. So some people, due to a strong emotional or biological incident, manage to open that part and either they can't handle the truth and that kind of power so they get psycho and start to kill people, or just other people think they are insane. Either way, no one ever believes them.

On the other hand, who wants to know their future? I wouldn't. That kind of knowledge could destroy you completely. You do everything you can either to achieve or avoid that future, having as a result the complete opposite. You make decisions you would never made before which may be fatal.

I look around. When I look beside me I flinch. Isobel stands next of me, silently.

"Isobel" I smile to greet her but what I really wanted to do is to kill her. And I would if she wasn't Elena's mom.

"Hi Damon" she smirks and she appears in front of me. She slowly pull her hands around my neck. "Did you miss me?"

I pull her hands off me. "No." I smirk. I think I lied but I am not sure yet.

"Come on, babe, you know that this isn't true. Even my husband was glad to see me." Isobel whispers to make her voice more attractive.

"Did you show up to the teacher?" I ask and for an instant I feel sorry for him. Isobel decides to return when he promises he would move on. On the other hand I am kinda jealous. Why did he get what I was chasing? In my case it's Katherine, but whatever.

She smiles "Yes, but you don't have to worry…I am so over him"

"I got that when you were cheating on him with me and when you left him to be a vampire. So the question is why did you come here? I bet that you didn't return neither for me or for Ric." I say with confidence, which seems to like as she smiles.

"I think you know why." She replies. "I need to see my daughter."

I felt like I was waking up from a dream. Oh, God Elena!

"What do you want from her?" I ask losing my self-control. Damn it!

Isobel seems to enjoy it. She gets a fake austere look.

"Don't tell me you fell for my precious daughter Damon!"

"I didn't fell for her." I snap. "I just want to know what do you want here."

She put her fingers on my lips. "If I tell you, I'll ruin the surprise, babe. And believe me you will be surprised." She whispers. Isobel kisses me this time. I don't resist.

But then I pull off.

"Oh, come on honey. I know you want it as well" she tells me and well, I have to admit that she's right. She is hot and that's why I accepted to turn her in the first place. "Come on with me"

Isobel takes my hand, after she kisses me. She leads me to a car, apparently her car.

I feel like I am hypnotized. Like I am fucking compelled, which is impossible.

So I just surrender to her.

Well not quite.

"We have a common friend." She whispers to my ear. Then she kisses my neck.

I smile.

"Yeah? Who?" I ask but I don't wanna know. Not really.

"Guess" she giggles and she lies on top of me.

"Is it really necessary?"

"Oh, come on please."

I roll my eyes " I don't know…The teacher?"

Now Isobel laughs, which confirm that what I was thinking for her is true. She's nuts.

"No. But if you consider him as friend, we have two common friends. But I am not talking about him. I am talking about Katherine."

"I have no friends…What?" my voice breaks as I understood what she said. I make her get off of me. "Katherine?"

"Yes. She sent me here. I have a message to deliver. But I need something from you." Isobel explains. She seems too exciting, which is either because she agrees with Katherine's words or because she loves my expression.

I hate that she has the control now. That really got me by surprise. Katherine? After 145 that I was looking for her, now she's interesting on me? Why? What the hell does she want? And why doesn't she come to tell me by herself? Why…why now?

I get out of the car and Isobel follows me.

"Leave me alone." I manage to say.

"Oh come on! Don't be like that. I know that you want it. But you have to give me something back" she insists.

"What do you want?" I ask coldly. I have no attention to give it her, because frankly I give a shit about what Katherine wants.

Did I just think of that? Me? Wow. I surprise myself.

"The invention. The one that Pearls gave to you" she announces.

"No way in hell." I snap.

Isobel frowns. "Why not?"

"Because I know what it does. It kills vampires. And I am not gonna offer you a way to kill me, thank you very much." I smirk.

Isobel turns around. She is obviously trying to calm herself, which make my really happy. Then she turns to me again. She forces a smile.

"Then give me something that I want." She tells me. "I want to meet Elena."

This time I am the one who frowns. "No." I reply without even noticing.

"You are not going near her, unless she asks it."

"I am going to kill the whole town then and I am gonna make her watch" Isobel threatens me, smirking.

I pushed her on the car's door and I make her stay there.

She looks at me full of shock and surprise.

"Big mistake sweetheart! If you ever, ever think about to threaten her I will rip your heart out. You have no right to come here. Neither does Katherine. And if the bitch wants to tell me something tell her to come to me by herself. Did I make myself clear?" I say angrily to her. I hit her head to the window. It breaks, she groans, and she fells down.

I take a last angry look at her and then I leave her there.

What makes me worried is that I am sure she hides something. Which I am not gonna like.

Suddenly, Anna appears in front of me.

Elena

I spent the last week trying to fix my relationship with Jer. In vain. Well I don't blame him. He has the right to be angry. But he has to try to understand my side too. He has to understand that I did it to protect him.

I am sitting on bed, hugging my teddy bear. Oddly it makes me calmer.

I take some time to rest my eyes before I go to see Bonnie.

I remember myself when I was 10. I was a total different person. As every kid I suppose. I used to be so innocent and so free back then. Free to run, without worrying that something is chasing me. Free to feel whatever I wanted, without being afraid of the consequences. Free to dream without having the reality to ruin it….And all of that just because it made me happy.

Jeremy was 8 and we were sharing the room. It was unpleasant for both of us, because we had to see each other every single day and we didn't have any privacy. But there were good times too.

I didn't realize in what point we lost that.

When I open them again, I wince.

"God damn it Damon! Don't do that!" I yell to Damon who was standing near the mirror.

Surprisingly he doesn't smirk. He doesn't make any silly joke either.

"Did anyone come to see you?" he asks not coming any closer.

"What happened Damon? Is Stefan alright?" I ask standing up.

"The world isn't turning around Stefan, Elena! For God's sake! Can you think of anything else except him?" he shouts. I am about to answer to him but he continues. "We have a problem Elena. You are in danger."

"What?" I whisper. "What do you mean?"

When he looks my expression he sighs and he comes closer.
"Look, I wish I could…I wish I could take it all away. To make you happy. But I can't. I am so sorry about that…"

Damon talks slowly and low. I can't say that I am not surprised by what he said, about the way he's acting. I know I should be scared. Something big is coming…but right now…I can't. He makes me feel safe even by looking at me.

And that's a feeling I can deny anymore. But it's forbidden. I want it to be forbidden. I am in love with Stefan. Stefan. Not him.

I walk to the other side of the room to avoid looking at him.

"What happened Damon?" I ask.

He sighs. It was like he was trying to pick up the right words to use.

"Isobel…is here." He starts.

Automatically tears come to my eyes, but I don't cry. "What? My…Isobel is here?"

"Yes." He whispers and he approaches me.

"What does she want?"

Damon takes a deep breath and he comes closer to me. He pulls my hair out of my face. "She wants…to destroy the town, the vampires mostly. She has more than an accomplishment Elena. I am unaware of most of them. What I know is Isobel works with John, who's working for the Court. Which means that if he gets the device he's gonna use it to detect all the vampires and kill them. At the same time some vampires from the tomb are going to attack. Which means that either way there gonna be deaths tonight." He talks slowly and I can see the pain in his eyes. The worry. But I can't receive what he's saying. All these….can't be real.

I close my eyes and I wish I could go back to the start. Back to the accident. I would tell my parents not to take that detour. I would save them. Jeremy and I would continue live our lives, our normal lives without vampires, without death. But what hurts the most is that I am not sure if that would fix anything. I am not sure if disaster would find me anyway. I came to a point where death seems normal to me. Where sadness and loss are something not just inevitable, but natural. I find myself even adjusted to the darkness. And that's something I swore myself I'll never let happen.

Until Damon wipes my tears from my cheek, I don't realize that I am crying. I take my gaze from the floor and I look at Damon. Right now I need that safety, that forbidden feeling more than anything.

He looks too sad too and I wish I could take it away. I couldn't take my pain away so I had to fix someone else.

He cups my face with his hands. I am totally lost in his beautiful eyes. They are so capturing. I am wondering if Damon did really had to use his compulsion to have a woman than he wants. He had just to look her like he's looking me right now. I can read his eyes. No matter how bad it gets, I am here.

For a moment a feel like a insect. Those who go straight to the light even if they know that that will kill them. I know that if I do what I want right now, everything will fall apart. I will hurt Stefan. My Stefan….And I will certainly hurt Damon as I can give him what he really needs. Someone to love him and to be with.

But I can't just walk away. I need this. I lean my face close to his. He doesn't back off. Before I close my eyes I see him looking at me with mixed emotions. I can see pain and love, caring and distance. When I lean further and my lips is about to touch his, I see that he has tears in his eyes, but he doesn't cry. He closes his eyes and I close mine too. We stay like that for a while. The strength of near-touch connection. Damon steps back and the connection is gone. A tear streams down on my face.

Not just because I am sure that if he didn't go I would have kiss him and I would have betrayed my Stefan, but because he walked away and I…wanted it so much. I honestly don't believe that he acted more mature than I did.

What the hell is wrong with me? What am I doing? What am I thinking? I am so afraid right now…of myself. Of what I might do. But I don't have feelings for Damon. Not at all. I do love Stefan just him. I am not Katherine. I repeat that to myself a couple of times. I need to get away from Damon…

But not right now.

"Don't worry…We'll figure something out. We'll be fine." He lies and I think he knows that I can see that. In any other occasion I would be furious, but right now, lying is what I need the most, because simply reality would make me scream. And in this case, reality demands silence.

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