Okies- I have to say that my good friend Kendal has to take at least SOME of the blame for this story :p I hope you like it, at least a bit... but I'll warn you it's very like the telivision show on it's wacky plot-but more so, because it was late at night on MSN instant messaging with two sugar siked teenage girls. J Oh-extremely choppy... I know.
Chapter One:

Klink sighed and dropped his pen on his desk, and stood up. Pacing, he looked around. Life was NOT going good.

There was a knock at the door, and his rather large Sergent of the Guards entered with Colonel Hogan, Newkirk, and Le Beau in tow.

"Herr Kommadant! I beg to report something...UNUSUAL.." Schultz snapped to attention. LeBeau and Newkirk exchanged tired glances and did likewise, while Hogan leaned against the wall, watching for an opening.

Klink was amazed to see his sergeant carrying a large teddy bear under one arm.

What is it. Schultz?" Klink bellowed. Colonel Hogan, from the wall grinned. "Yeah, Schultz, what is it?"

Schultz's eyes widened as everybody looked at him. "I-I-I...these three were...then they were-than this thing...then that" He looked at the grinning colonel, the grinning allies, the glowering colonel, and the huge teddy bear, in cycles. "Ask Colonel Hogan." He gave the teddy bear a hug.
Hogan, who during the Sergeants 'explanation, had got a cigar from the commandant's cubador, grinned and stuck it in his mouth hanging out of the corner mockingly.


Hogan sat on the corner of the desk. "You see Colonel, my men and i have been making this teddy bear for decorational purposes. -We're all bored, sir! We need things to keep us busy! Hence the teddy bears. We're planning on doing our whole barracks up in them! Hang them from the walls! Put them on all the beds!..."

He stopped in his 'visionary' and looked at the colonel. "But you know sir, this one was so hard we're considering just making it a center piece and quitting. What do you think?"

Schultz gaped. This was not right! He had found the men outside the gates, disconnecting a parachute from the bear! But...perhaps he was not remembering accurately?

Klink sighed. Hogan always had one far-fetched ideas or another of the like whenever he came in here. It really was no wonder they were losing the war! Klink was just about tired of them. He stood and smiled one of the more ugly-trying-to-be-menacing smiles and stood up. He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by his telephone ringing. His mouth shut and he picked up the receiver.

Hogan took the cigar lighter off of Klink's desk and lit his cigar, and waited.

Klink looked impatient. "Heil Hitler! What is it...Father? How are you? Yes...Yes! Well, no...But wait! No! Wait! ARGH!"

He slammed the hook down. "I have no time to listen to your silly stories Hogan. Dismissed. "

Hogan picked up the bear and started to leave, but Klink stopped. "Schultz! Put that bear in solitary!"
Newkirk and LeBeau exchanged glances...was Klink losing his mind?

Schultz suppressed a smirk, clicked his heels, and left, bear snugly under his arm, on his way to the cooler.

Hogan exchanged glances with his men and quietly filed out of the Commandant's office, coming out with more cigars then they went in with. They made it back to the barracks where Kinch and Carter were waiting anxiously for them.

Carter was relieved to see them back so soon. "Gee! No solitary for being out of the camp?"

Kinch frowned." Where's the bear?"

Hogan grinned despite himself. "In Solitary confinement. Newkirk, see what cell it's in. We may have a tunnel leading to it. Kinch, just why was that bear so important it was dropped in daylight for us to pick up?"

Kinch, not saying anything, handed Hogan a piece of paper with his scribble on it. "Read this, Colonel."

Hogan looked at it and slapped his head. "Something's inside it, but they don't want us to know what. We're supposed to deliver the bear untouched to the underground. What kind of an order is that?"
:
Kinch shrugged. "Typical London High Command?" Carter snickered. Newkirk came jogging back. "Schultz actually 'as two men guarding the bloody toy! We not only don't have a tunnel into the cell, but 'e has a man guarding on the inside and out. He must think this Teddy's a bleedin' general!"

Hogan sighed and walked over to the teapot. He readied it and turned it on. The commandant's office was quiet for a fraction of a second then there was a sound of someone bursting through Klink's door. A chair slid on the ground and Klink was heard mumbeling, "Father, what a pleasant surprise!" The POW's exchanged surprised glances. "Shut up, Wilhelm! Always babbling! Disgrace!"

Hogan rolled his eyes in bewilderment. "I'd better go over there-keep listening on the bug." He grabbed his hat, and headed for the door

Klink rubbed his temples, as his father rambled on. "I don't know why I came to visit you, Wilhelm! Nasty prison camp! Simply unsanitary! LOOK at this place! DisGRACEful!" Hogan entered at this precise moment. Klink considered whether to be dismayed at the carefree colonel's entrance, or relieved. "Colonel Hogan what do you want?"

Colonel Hogan smiled as he doffed his cap. "I just wanted to say hello to your Pa here. "Hiya-my name's Hogan-yours is Klink, i presume?"

Mr. Klink's eyes widened at this disgraceful act. "Wilhelm! You do not keep these prisoners cowed! Shame! Back, you american! Attention! Stay!"

Hogan grinned, amused at the old man's verocity. He took a cigar from Klink's desk, and sat on the corner. "I was just wondering, sir, when you were going to let our teddy out of the cooler. "

Colonel Klink rubbed his temples as his father again raged. "'Teddy'? What IS this man TALKING about? I don't see why you don't just put him in the cooler- or better yet in front of a firing squad! That's what any HONORABLE Klink would do. But nooooo! Not MY Wilhelm!

Klink blushed and turned to Hogan angrily. "HOGAN! Your Teddy Bear shall remain in solitary confinement until I and I ALONE give the orders to release it! Any further requests to let it out will be punished! DISMISSED!"
Elisa says:
Hogan did a saucy salute, and a wink at Mr. Klink, and left with a flourish.
Elisa says:
Kinch sighed. "Oh boy...and we need that teddy bear delievered tomorrow night!"

LeBeau grinned. "Leave it to me and Newkirk, Kinch!" Newkirk got the idea and grinned. After a moment's conference, those two set out. Kinch looked at Carter. "That's fine for them…but what about us?" Carter still didn't get it…

Hogan entered the barracks, and looked at his men suspiciously. LeBeau was cooking something or another at the oven, and Newkirk was mending, Carter and Kinch were playing cards-nothing unusual...but something seemed unusual...like they had something up their sleeves. Carter looked up at their CO and saw his expression as Hogan sat down. "I dunno-that Dad of Klink's is a mean one! Ornery even! For a many of eighty or ninety…if he were twenty years younger I'd watch my step!"

Kinch suppressed a grin. "Whatever possessed Klink to put that dumb bear in the cooler in the first place? This is UTTERLY ridiculous!"

Hogan huffed. "Your telling me? I'm telling you! We need to find a way to get Klink to release that bear!"

TBC!!