as far as pairings go, the main pairing will obviously be stan/kyle with some other minor pairings (kenny/oc, cartman/butters, craig/tweek, past craig/clyde, wendy/bebe)

also i want to take this chance to say i absolutely do Not like self-insert fics (especially when it's main character-x-oc but for the fact that it's based on the stick of truth, which is a whole damn self-insert game, i'm putting in an oc based loosely on myself.) so, yeah! enjoy the thing.


Cartman groaned as his character died yet again. He threw his controller to the side, thrashing around and groaning again, trying to get the others attention. Kyle ignored him, but Kenny sighed and paused the game, making Kyle whip his head to the side to glare at him.

"Hey, I was playing that!" Kenny stared at him and looked at Cartman before looking back to Kyle again. Kyle looked over at the whining Cartman before letting out a loud groan and throwing his controller at Cartman, missing him by a few inches.

"What are you whining about now?" Kyle sighed, crossing his arms.

"I'm boreeeeeed." Cartman whined, stopping his thrashing to sit back up.

"Well, what else is there to do?" Kyle drawled, rolling his eyes.

"I don't knooooow!" The boy whined again, glaring at Kyle. "You guys and this fucking town are too boring." Kyle grunted in return.

Kenny tapped his finger on his hood, before muffling something.

"What? Play pretend? What are we, fucking 5 Kenny?" Cartman spat. Stan glared over at Cartman.

"You're not coming up with anything better, dude." Cartman ignored Stan, adjusting his posture before assuming a thinking position.

"What if we do play something? Like..." Cartman's eyes darted around his room before landing on a Dungeons and Dragons box. "...Where I'm the grand wizard and you're all a part of my kingdom?"

Kenny jumped a little with excitement. "I'll be the fairest maiden in the land, Princess Kenny!"

"Uh, what the fuck Kenny. Why would you want to be a chick?" Cartman said, looking incredulously at him.

Kenny huffed, crossing his arms. "I'm the princess." Cartman rolled his eyes.

"Whatever Kenny."

"So, wait, we'd all be under your rule." Kyle said, staring blankly at Cartman.

"Uh, duh, Kahl. Duh." Kyle stared at him for a few more seconds before shaking his head.

"Yeah, I'm having none of that shit. I'm the.. I'm the elf king!" Kyle announced.

"And I'll be a knight!" Stan said, grinning at Kyle.

"Uh, fuck you Kahl, I'm already the grand wizard who's in charge, you can't be the fucking 'elf king'." Cartman said, glaring at Kyle.

"Fuck you Cartman! I'll be whatever I want to be!"

"Fine! Whateva! You're not allowed in my kingdom! The... The Kingdom of Kupa Keep! The KKK!"

"Good! I didn't want to be a part of your stupid racist kingdom anyways!" Kyle looked at Stan, linking his arm with the other before turning to leave Cartman's house.

Kenny stayed, sitting next to a fuming Cartman.

"Whateva! Whateva!We didn't need that fucking Jew anyways!" Kenny patted Cartman's shoulder awkwardly. Cartman pushed himself up, making his way out of his room.

"C'mon Kenny, let's go get my mom to make us some costumes." Kenny nodded, following Cartman downstairs to the kitchen. "Meeeeeeeeem!" He whined, pulling on his mother's shirt. "Meeeeeem, me and some other kids are playing pretend and Kenny and I need costumessssss."

Liane set down the kitchen utensils, smiling down at her son. "Of course son, what do you want me to make?"

"Well, I'm the grand wizard and Kenny is gonna be the... Princess."

"The princess?"

"The princess, Mem."

"Well, okay! Are you going to make a fort in the backyard?"

"Uh, duh Mem. I need a kingdom."

"Okay Sweetie. You go and make your fort, and I'll start on your costumes, okay?" Cartman nodded, stepping around her and opening the backdoor. Kenny trotted along, following Cartman into the backyard.

"Okay Kenny, I'll start deciding where everything should go and you go and get people to join the KKK." Kenny nodded, leaving with a silent wave.


Kyle huffed, tugging Stan's arm closer to him as they made his way to his house. "Cartman always has to ruin everything."

Stan sighed, rubbing Kyle's arm in a soothing motion. "He's a dick, what else is new?" Kyle laughed without humor, opening his door and stepping in. Stan followed, closing the door behind him before running over to the couch to sit next to Kyle.

"We should make costumes. And we can have the elf kingdom be in my backyard, so we need to make forts and stuff." Kyle said, starting to make plans.

Stan nodded. "We also need to get other kids to join. That Kevin kid will probably join, seeing how he wears those pointy Vulcan ears all of the time anyways." Kyle nodded, tapping his finger on his chin before getting up from the couch and going over to the kitchen. He walked up to his mother who was making dinner, stopping before her.

"Mom?"

Sheila looked down at her son, giving a small smile. "Yes, Bubbeh?"

"Can Stan and I use your sewing supplies?" His mom grinned at him, nodding her head enthusiastically.

"Of course, use whatever you need!" Kyle smiled, running out of the kitchen.

"Thanks Mom!" He called, grabbing Stan's hand and leading him upstairs. He ran up the stairs, bursting into his parent's room and taking out his mother's sewing supplies, pulling things out that interested him. Stan stood and watched Kyle's concentrated face, smiling softly at his friend. Kyle felt eyes on him and he stopped, looking up at Stan. "Uh, sorry dude. I can work on our costumes, how about you go and try to get people to join our kingdom?" Stan stood, transfixed in Kyle's eyes before shaking his head and nodding, a light pink dusting his cheeks.

He turned, stopping at the doorway. He walked back, hugging Kyle before making a dash. "Okayi'llworkhardi'llbebacktomorrowbye!" He said, spitting out words as fast as he ran out. Kyle sat, confused for a moment before shaking his head and calling a simple 'bye Stan' after his friend.


"Eric, sweetie! Dinner's ready!" Diane Cartman called out the backdoor, getting her son's attention. Eric's head snapped towards her. He pushed himself up and ran as fast as he could to the door, sitting down on the couch.

His mom came in, setting a plate of food on his lap as she next to him. "Eat up, Sweetie."

"Thanks Mem." He mumbled, face full of food. He grabbed the remote, but Diane raised her hand up and set it down on his arm.

"Sweetheart, can I ask you a favor?" Eric side-glanced at his mom, shrugging as he stuffed his face again. "In a few days, there's going to be a new family moving in a few houses down from ours. I heard that they're going to have a kid your age come, could you let them play pretend with you and your friends? I'm sure they'd like to have some new friends when they get here." Cartman stared blankly at his mom for a moment, before swallowing.

"Sure, whatever. When they get here I'll see if they're lame or not." Diane took this as a positive response, smiling at him.

"Thank you, sweetie." Cartman grunted in response, turning on the TV.

He stared at the TV, not taking anything in as he got lost in thought.

The new kid, huh. He scratched his chin. Just as the prophecy said...