Hey buddies! I'm back-and with a new Naruto fanfic (yayyyy). Queue up the AC/DC and let's get this going.
Title: Sparkle Kids
Pairings: SASUSAKU. Other pairings which will be touched on are Naruhina, Shikaino, and Nejiten, but this is a Sasusaku fic so don't expect so much screentime outta them.
Rating: Mostly for language.
Genre: Romance/humor
Read and Review for Chapter 2!
Ooh-WEE-Ooh I look just like BUDDY HOLLY
Oh-OH and you're MARY TYLER MOORE
I don't CARE WHAT THEY SAY about us anyway
I don't care 'BOUT THAT.
* S * P * A * R * K * L * E * K * I * D * S *
INO THE BEAUTIFUL'S RULES FOR AN OH-SO FAB AND DRAMA FREE JUNIOR YEAR:
#1
Never get your hopes up when it comes to that socially retarded, ice cubed (Perfect!) IDIOT JERK, Uchiha Sasuke.
No, seriously….Don't.
Really.
Are you even LISTENING to me, Forehead?
* S * P * K *
Have you ever noticed how sexy people just seem to sparkle?
Hey, don't look at me like I'm some kind of closet perv. If you've ever watched a Lady Gaga video you know exactly what I mean. Or, come to think of it, looked at any photograph of Angelina Jolie EVER. Or, if you're still not with me, how about Pride and Prejudice? Yes, the BOOK. It's almost hard to look at the pages of that thing with all the sparkles Mr. Darcy keeps throwing off everywhere. See, that's the thing about sparkle; there's about a thousand different types of ways to be sexy and glitter away, but if you don't got it, you don't got it, and c'est la vie. Hope you like living out the rest of your life as one of the dull members of the uncategorized, teeming, boner-killing plebeians.
Oh the shame.
I, myself, am kind of a sparkle sommelier. If you want to know anything, and I mean ANYTHING about each type of sparkle and where to find it here at Konoha Preparatory Academy, I'm your girl. What? You're looking at me like I've sprouted caterpillar brows or something. Wait-what do you mean you don't know what I'm talking about when I say "type"? Are you living under some kind of sex-deprived rock? Okay, I'll debrief you, but take notes, because I'm only doing this once….
Direct your attention to Exhibit A, Ino Yamanaka,….who, on top of being KPA's own Hilton Heiress, also has the dubious honor of being my best friend. Here she is now, coming down the hallway, a tanned goddess among shriveled, pale halflings (a.k.a. me….). Lets take inventory, shall we?
1) Long, blonde, swishy, shiny, bouncy hair? Check.
2) Killer strut in stilettos that are totally out of dress code? Check.
3)Uniform scrunched, unbuttoned and pinned to show off the new boobies that were daddy's present for her 17th birthday? Oh, SO check,
4) Rufus, the yippy pom-toy poodle mix perched neatly in this season's latest Hermes bag. Yip! Check…
5) A flurry of equally well-dressed, shaggy-haired look-alike boy candy bobbing with her every step? Ino, baby, do you want to take a ride in my new maserati? I thought you wrapped it around a tree. No, my NEW maserati! Check.
She's at her locker now, one perfectly manicured hand fiddling with the swarovski lock when someone walks down the hallway with an egg sandwich and Rufus starts his yipipiping, struggling to get out of her purse. She laughs, like bells, tosses her hair over one shoulder, "Sit down, sweetie!" Four of the boys sit on the hallway floor, I. Kid. You. Not.
Now, Ino's sparkle falls into the category of Hollywood, pink cadillacs, and Marylin Monroe, or as I like to call it, the Malibu Barbie Type-bzzzzzzz-IMMA GET YOUR HEART RACING IN MY SKINTIGHT JEANS BE MY TEENAGE DREAM TON-oh, jeez, sorry, we're being interrupted by Katy Perry. Hold on a sec.
Well, speak of the pig herself-
* S * P * K *
7:45 AM
Incoming Text Message From: widdle piggy
Subject: thar she blows-10:00, eastern starboard
watch outtttt, billboard head. SCUMBAG HO SLUT CHIK 2 ur left. trip her 4me n I won't mke u return my silver louboutins that u STOLE 4rm my closet and have THE NERVE TO WEAR IN FRONT OF ME! O_O
7:46 AM
Incoming Text Message From: FOREHEAD
Subject: Are we still doing this Moby Dick joke thing?
Is that what these shoes are? I like….I like. Also, I'm not tripping karin-betch. She's scarier than you. What have you done to her this time, anyway?
* S * P * K *
Despite the fact that Ino is annoying as hell this early in the morning, she does provide a good segway. As Piggy suggests, look to your left and you'll see Ino-cchi's greatest rival sporting a whole other type of sparkle. I present you with Exhibit B, Karin. You know the drill, inventory time.
1) Perfectly styled, messy yet smooth, deep sophisticated burgundy hair? Check.
2) Clipped, intimidating business walk in crocodile pumps? taptaptap. Check.
3) Uniform skirt rolled and pinned just so to show those mile long ivory legs? Check.
4) Hot librarian glasses resting on a perfect aquiline nose, below bored eyes? how dulllllll. Check.
5) A cavalcade of seemingly similar sophisticated boys in sweater vests? Paris is so passé this time of year, but my grandfather demands that I tour there yet again. I do hope you'll join us, Karin, dear. Check.
She's reaching for the patent leather lock on her locker now, when she drops the 1840's reprint of Dr. Faustus she's been lugging around for the past few days and THWUUMP there's suddenly a dogpile of desperate sweater vested boys, wool and hair flying as they scrabble to be the one to return the book to her outstretched, elegant hand. Do NOT let that ladylike act fool you, dear. That girl has got a wicked split personality, reptiles at home, and a gun probably strapped somewhere on her person. That's right, Karin's sparkle has always had that slightly dangerous, Lara Croft-ish, thing going for it, or, as I have classified her, the quintessential Bond Girl Type.
Which is, of course, the polar opposite of my valley girl best friend over here….
Book back in hand, Karin turns to look up the hall, and positions her gaze on Ino in what I can only accurately describe as a glower. Ino stiffens, then tromps to my side for….I dunno…..moral support?…and being the brave and courageous girl that she is, ducks behind my shoulder. (can you SEE my sarcasm, here?)
Great. I couldn't even make it to first period without getting caught in the middle of a glowerfuck.
The hallway resonates with crickets as the students hold their collective breaths to see whether Bond Girl or Malibu Barbie is going to make the first move. Then, some incredible gentleman at the back of the crowd yells, "CAT FIGHT! WOOHOO!" and it's all I can do to not glower myself. Karin raises a perfectly manicured eyebrow, now obviously bored at the predictability of this situation. She flashes one last, "this isn't over yet" look at Ino, and by extension, me, turns on her heel, and stalks off.
I gasp because I just realize I've been holding my breath this entire time. "Ino! She's more unhinged than usual! What have you done to her now?"
A pause. Then, "remember that guy I was dancing with from Suna on Friday night?" Ino breathes next to me.
I recall the disco lights and the pounding Saturday morning headache. Vague memories of Ino stumbling out of the house party with some spiky haired dude rise to the surface. "Sort…of."
"Turns out that was Karin's boyfriend. Er…..ex." Ino licks her lips, a little shamelessly (I think).
"Ino-pig!"
"He plays guitar, Sakura. Guitar, ok? He played me WEEZER. What was I supposed to do?"
"Keep it in your pants?"
Now, as I lecture Ino-hoe on the virtues of propriety and decency (not to mention respect for the sacred "taken" status of boys with girlfriends, because that is just rude), you may ask yourself where I fit in between these two titans of Type 1 and 2. Is your heroine a barbie-betch in her own right? Or perhaps a totally dramatic ninja lady in disguise? I'm probably both. Right? Totally. I, Haruno Sakura, am both.
…you don't know me very well, do you?
Come on. I'm probably as far as you can get from the sparkly set. I, dear reader, have anti sex appeal. I am the ultimate walking cockblock, cursed with the unfortunate burden of being cute. CUTE! You know what's cute? Teddy bears, children with balloons, fuzzy wuzzy sheep, and oversize overalls on babies. Pop quiz time:
How many of the above named things are sexy?
a) 1
b) 2
c) 3
d) NONE you crazy pedobear.
By the way, unless you picked (d), we can't be friends.
And why would I want to be sexy, you persist? I mean, some guys are into cute, right?
Yeah. Some.
But "some" guys can buy a one way ticket to the moon for all I care…I have always ever cared about just one guy…or…The One, rather…..This moody, silent, kind of grumpy, yet oh so totally perfect boy who I've been in love with ever since I was 4 and he held my hand in winter because I forgot my gloves. This guy…..this guy is the kind of guy that makes your heart believe in carriages made out of pumpkins and kisses that can turn frogs into princes and magic flying carpets and, and, and-
Ok. I'm hyperventilating.
Honestly, now. Do you really expect the Uchiha Sasuke to want a cute girlfriend? Now, I've never asked him what his type is, but come onnnnn, it's so obvious that he's going to want to end up with some kind of towering Brazilian model. That's the kind of girl that would look perfect on his arm, anyway. Anyone else would look like a housecat next to a panther.
But, hey, that doesn't stop a girl from dreaming, does it? And when I dream, I dream that I could be Sasuke-kun's type of girl for even five minutes so that I might look into his eyes just once and not see the words "you're annoying" written right past his lashes.
Back in reality, and not in my overactive imagination, I am still giving Ino the good old what-for.
"-because you don't know anything about him and I swear he practically looked high the other night and you just can't keep adopting these stray boys-"
She yawns. "Oh my GOD. Sakura. He wasn't a stray. I stole him, remember? Is the whole 'he plays guitar' thing not making an impact here?"
"But Ino"-bzzzzzz-IMMA GET YOUR HEART RACING IN MY SKINTIGHT JEANS BE MY TEENAGE DREAM TON-Ugh. Katy Perry interruption again. I hear Ino breath a sigh of relief and mumble something like "saved by the bell" before she trots on down the hallway without me.
* S * P * K *
7:55 AM
Incoming Text Message From: Prince Charming
Subject: (no subject)
Sakura,
Meet me at my car after your student council meeting.
I have something to ask you.
-S
* S * P * K *
Is my….I think my…..heart just stopped. The one, the very one and only, my one and only Sasuke-kun has something he wants to ask me.
I'm inwardly smiling like a loon because I'm considering the possibility in my secret heart of hearts that after all these years he's finally, finally noticed me.
You know, in retrospect, we could have all saved ourselves a lot of trouble if I had just referred to Rule #1.
Woohoo! Well, that was fun to write ;) I already have a fully fleshed out plotline for this so if you read and review, I'll hook you up with chapter 2 ;)
Comments and critiques welcome...and please tell me if I need to up the rating or anything. It's been a while since I posted and the guidelines have changed a bit... OTL. thanks!
looooooooove
-Scylla
