Kung Fu Panda: Harassing The Tiger by

Mitchicus

Po sat beside the White Tiger Mitch in the kitchen, the two eating dinner. The Furious Five besides Tigress were with Shifu on a mission to a nearby village in order to maintain peace there. Tigress was training while the two friends ate their dinner early.

Mitch stopped eating and grinned at Po. "I'll give you fifty yen if you find a way to make Tigress laugh."

Po looked up at him. "So it can be jokes or anything?"

Mitch nodded. "Yep. I'll pay you once you do it, but she may try to kill you before I can pay you back."

Po grinned. "Sounds good."

The two shook hands and the deal was made. They resumed their dinner, and waited thirty more minutes until their ally arrived.

"What have you two been doing?" Tigress asked, making herself tofu and sitting at the table.

"Eating dinner early." Po answered.

"One of you has to spar with me after this, remember. You two have been alternating, so it's Mitch's turn."

"I know it's my turn, but Po has been dying to spar against you." Mitch said.

Tigress raised an eyebrow. "Has he now?"

Po stuffed noodles into his mouth and nodded, not having to speak to her.

"I'll go twice in a row since Po is going in my place tonight." Mitch said, swallowing a dumpling.

Tigress nodded. "That will work out."

Po slowly finished his dinner, dreading his future ass-kicking as usual. He finished his last noodle and looked up at Tigress, who was grinning.

"Alright, let's go Po." Tigress said, and turned to the other master. "Care to watch Mitch?"

"Gladly," Mitch said as he got up from the table.

The White Tiger helped Po out of his chair and the three entered the Training Hall. Po went into his normal stance and Mitch leaned against the back wall, crossing his arms and watching them with a grin.

Tigress went into the Tiger Style stance and growled, intimidating the panda as usual. Though Po had defeated Tai Lung, who had defeated Tigress, the panda had never been able to defeat her. Tigress rushed at him and hit him in the chest with three powerful punches, knocking the wind out of him. She then side kicked him in the face, sending him to the ground.

"Come on Po, come on! Keep fighting!" Mitch encouraged but fell silent when Tigress growled at him.

Po jumped back up and tried to punch Tigress in the chest, but she ducked and kicked his knee, bending it awkwardly. Po yelped in pain before he was hit in the face with an uppercut punch. The panda rolled to the ground and slowly got up again. He ran at Tigress and she grabbed his arm, throwing him violently to the ground and pinning his arm behind his back.

Mitch winced and watched as Po yelped and began tapping the wood he was on frantically.

"Do you concede?" Tigress asked, pushing his arm back more.

"Yes, yes, I concede!" Po yelled and she let go of his arm.

Tigress went to his side and went on one knee. "Perhaps if you continue to spar against me, you will find my weakness."

"What if I already found your weakness?" Po asked, sitting up on the ground.

"Yeah, what's that?" Tigress asked.

Po reached out and grabbed her kidney, making her giggle and fall to the ground beside him. He tickled her stomach and she began laughing uncontrollably. Mitch grinned as he watched Po harass her. Tigress was laughing and rolling around on the floor, tears from laughing rolling out of her eyes.

"Po, Po, I'm going to kill you!" Tigress said as she laughed.

Po grinned and looked up to Mitch for approval but then saw that he had a look of fear on his face. Mitch mouthed one word; run. Po understood it immediately and got up, sprinting out of the Training Hall and running for a place to hide. Tigress' smile and laughing soon was gone, and she had a look of ferocity on her face. She got up and went on all fours, growling.

She looked up at Mitch. "Have you seen Po?" She demanded.

"No Ti, I haven't." The tiger responded.

Tigress growled. "Don't call me that."

Mitch nodded and motioned her to go after Po. Tigress bounded out of the Training Hall and searched the entire palace for the panda. Mitch cautiously left the Training Hall and went to the Sacred Hall of Warriors. He entered the building and went to the wall to the end of the hall, where the reflective pool lay and the One Thousand Scrolls of Kung Fu surrounded it. He went to a secret scroll and pulled it, swinging back a hidden door. The tiger looked around to make sure that Tigress was nowhere near them.

Mitch went through the door and closed it behind him, and found the Sacred Armory of Warriors lit by many torches. Weapons that were too powerful to be set in the open hall were taken down to the armory, and Tigress never knew that it existed. Po and Mitch had found it while messing around in the hall, and it was now their hiding place when they needed it for a situation like this.

"Po, where are you?" The tiger called.

The panda walked into the torchlight and smiled lightly. "She's still out to kill me?"

Mitch nodded. "Yep. She won't stop searching, and she knows that you will turn up sooner or later."

Po sighed. "She's going to tear me a new ass."

Mitch smiled and nodded.

"I have another deal." Mitch said, crossing his arms.

"Lay it on me." Po said.

"There is a pressure point in the back of a person's neck that is highly sensitive, and if grabbed, it can make a person yelp and fall to the ground." Mitch said.

Po grinned. "That sounds awesome."

Mitch nodded. "I want to try it on Tigress, and if I do, I don't have to pay you that fifty yen that I owe."

"It's a deal," Po said and held out his hand.

"Then it is settled." Mitch said and shook his friend's hand. "Now, can I try it on you first?"

"Sure," Po said and turned his back to Mitch.

The tiger grinned and grabbed the back of Po's neck, making the panda yelp and fall to the ground. The two laughed hysterically and Mitch helped Po up.

"That felt…weird." Po said.

Mitch's grin widened. "I'll bet. Now let's go do it for real."

The two got of the armory and snuck onto the roof of the building. They saw Tigress walk to the Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom and sit under it, beginning to meditate.

"Alright, I'll go in normal and talk to her before I hit her with the nerve grab, and you stay a distance and watch." Mitch said, and jumped off of the roof silently, beginning to walk towards the Peach Tree.

Po slid down a column and crept in the shadows, making sure not to be visible. Mitch walked down the path and sat beside Tigress, whose eyes were closed.

"Have you been talking to Po?" Tigress asked, not opening her eyes.

Mitch opened his mouth to speak but she covered his mouth with her paw. "Before you lie to me, tell me where he is."

Po backed up a bit, uncertain if his friend would reveal his location or not.

"I don't know where he is, alright?" Mitch asked.

"You lied to me again." Tigress said.

"Tigress, he was just playing a joke, you don't need to freak out like this." Mitch said and put his paw on her shoulder, comforting her.

"You're right, Mitch. Maybe I should-"

Mitch grabbed her neck and she let out a low yelp before falling back to the ground. The White Tiger burst out in laughter and Po covered his mouth so that no one could hear his own laughter. Mitch stopped laughing when he noticed that Tigress' eyes were closed and she was not moving.

"Tigress? Tigress?" Mitch said and shook her body, trying to wake her up.

Po rushed to Tigress' side and looked at Mitch with fearful eyes.

"What did you do?"

"I guess I squeezed her neck too hard, and it knocked her out." Mitch said, checking her pulse. "She's still alive, that's good."

Po stood up and began to back up. "Should we go back to hiding now?"

Mitch shook his head. "We would never escape her wrath. It's best that we step up and confess our sins against her, and apologize."

Po nodded and walked back to the two.

"Help me carry her." Mitch said, picking their unconscious tiger up and putting one paw around his shoulder.

Po put her other paw around his shoulder and the two carried Tigress to the barracks and into her room. They set her down on the bed and stood next to the door, waiting twenty more minutes until she awoke.

Tigress' eyes snapped open and she glared at the two.

"You two!" She said as she began to get out of the bed but Mitch stepped forward, motioning Po to go forward as well.

The panda did so and the two stood facing the angry feline.

"Well?"

"We both apologize for our actions." Mitch said.

"I'm sorry for tickling you and hiding from you." Po said.

"And I apologize for lying to you, gaining your trust, and then knocking you out." Mitch said.

Tigress wanted to rip them both apart anyways but took a deep breath.

"Alright. I accept both of your apologies." Tigress said.

"So we're good?" Po asked nervously.

"No more pranks and we're good." Tigress said in a cold tone.

"Deal." Mitch said and bowed with Po.

The three exited the room and had a normal day of training again. Mitch and Tigress sparred, ending in a draw. A day passed, and Po and Mitch were eating lunch while Tigress was training.

"I dare you to ask Tigress out on a date." Po said grinning.

Mitch shook his head. "Hell no! We made a deal with Tigress for no more pranks!"

"It's not a prank, it's a dare." Po said.

Mitch growled and then sighed. "Even if I do it, why would you want me to go out with her? Haven't you been trying to go out with her for a while?"

Po blushed and then looked at him again. "I'm a panda and you're a tiger. She's a tiger. There's a much better chance of you and her being together anyways, and this is just a dare man."

Mitch nodded. "Yeah, but she doesn't even like me. She's best friends with you; I'm just another ally to her."

"Then show her that you're more than ally. Show her that you're a cool guy." Po said.

Mitch nodded again. "Alright, and I won't charge you for this dare."

"Deal," Po said and they shook hands.

Mitch finished his lunch and searched the Training Hall for Tigress, not finding the feline. She must be in her room, he thought. The White Tiger went into the barracks just as Po was passing by.

The tiger stepped in front of the door and knocked. He leaned against the door.

"Tigress, I was wondering if-"

Tigress opened the door and he fell on top of her. His hands accidently landed on her chest and their muzzles pressed against each other. Their eyes widened.

"Umm…" Mitch managed to say before getting off of her and sprinting out of the barracks, passing Po.

"How did it go?" Po asked.

"She's going to rip me in half!" Mitch shouted as he went on all fours and ran as fast as he could down the Thousand Steps to the palace.

Tigress soon sprinted out on all fours, roaring and chasing after the White Tiger.

"Get back here Mitch!" She shouted as she continued to run after Mitch, the two vanishing into the distance as she chased Mitch through the valley and into the land beyond.

"Oh shit." Po managed to say as he shook his head, fearing for his friend's life at this rate. He then was thankful that it was not him. "Better him than me." He said chuckling and went back into the kitchen.

No one returned until the next day. Po was in the kitchen eating breakfast when Tigress walked in, making herself tofu and eating it at the table.

"Where's Mitch?" Po asked.

"I left him in a river twenty miles from here." Tigress said, eating her tofu.

"What?"

Tigress shrugged her shoulders. "He's capable of handling himself."

"You just left him to die in a river?" Po shouted.

"I guess." Tigress said.

Po shook his head and exited the room, going to the Sacred Hall of Warriors. He meditated in front of the reflective pool and took a nap as well, and three hours passed.

The doors of the hall slowly opened, and Po turned to see Mitch limp inside. Po got up and helped Mitch lay on the ground.

"What the hell did she do to you?" Po asked.

Mitch coughed a few times. His fur was bloody and matted, he had a black eye, bruises all over his body, a broken leg, a dislocated arm, and long gashes from Tigress' claws all over him.

"She pretty much raped me."

"And you just allowed it?" Po asked.

Mitch shook his head. "After we were far from the valley, I realized that she was not going to stop until she kicked my ass. I stopped running and allowed her to beat me up, knowing that there was no changing her mind and taking in the punishment of the accident that happened."

"What accident?" Po asked.

"When I went into the barracks to ask her out, she opened the door when I was leaning on it and I fell on top of her. My paws were on her…you know what's…and our muzzles were pressed against each other."

"Whoa, no wonder you got it so rough." Po said.

Mitch looked at his dislocated arm. "Can you help me put it back in place?"

Po nodded and grabbed his arm. "Ready?"

The tiger nodded and Po pulled his arm violently, putting it back in place and making the tiger grunt.

"I'm going to have to ask you for one hundred yen because of this treatment." Mitch said, sitting up.

Po smiled. "That sounds fair."

A/N: I hope you liked the story. Do you guys want a chapter 2 for this story? If so, please tell me in the reviews/ comments. Please review, share, comment, and please, no flames!