I originally thought this up as a play but did it as a one shot instead. Enjoy!
I do not own Hetalia!
We Are Gathered Here Today...
The proprietor of the Las Vegas wedding chapel hopped nervously from one foot to the other as he waited for the groom, whom he had been told was coming, to arrive. Frankly, the waiting bride made him nervous. She was beautiful, with long, silvery blonde hair, topped with a white bow and blue eyes but there was a glint in her eye that screamed 'unstable'.
She had arrived at the chapel, complete with wedding dress and bouquet, said the groom would be along presently and stared obsessively at the door.
Belarus had to thank America for hosting the World Meeting in Las Vegas. It would give her the opportunity to bring about what she was sure both she and Big Brother Russia wanted. To finally become one.
Big Brother was only resistant because of the sister thing so she would take matters out of his hands. When he 'arrived'
A commotion outside the door drew the attention of Belarus and the proprietor as two men who did not seem to possess necks carried another man in a tan coat and pink scarf with a sack over his head and chains wrapped round his chest and arms. The man was struggling and 'hmmmm'ing, indicating that he was also gagged. Belarus went to the man and put her hand on his chest.
"Don't worry, Big Brother," she cooed, creepily. "Soon we'll be one, just like we were always meant to be." The man shook his head and hmmmmed in denial. Belarus stepped back and addressed the chapel owner.
"Get started!" she ordered.
"Did you say this is your brother?" he asked. "You know that's illeg..." He broke off as Belarus pulled her knife from her bouquet and stuck it under his chin. He gulped.
"We are gathered here today," he droned with a slight hint of fear in his voice. "To join this man and this woman in wedlock." He looked at the man with a sack on his head. "Do you ….errr?"
"Ivan Braginski," Belarus snapped.
"Do you, Ivan Braginski, take... hmm?"
"Natayla Arlovskaya!"
"Natayla Arlovskaya to be your lawfully wedded wife." the proprietor finished. The man shook his sack-covered head
"Nhmmmmm," he said, desperately.
"He does," Belarus insisted, poking him with the knife again.
"And do you, Natayla Arlovs..."
"I do!" she replied, tersely.
"Then, by the power vested in me by the State of Nevada," he said, wanting to get this over with and these people out of his chapel as fast as possible. "I now pronounce you Man and Wife. You may kiss the ….. groom?" After all, it was the groom who was wearing the veil … well, sack.
Belarus screamed in delight. At long last, she and Big Brother were one. She pulled the sack off his head for the wedding kiss.
The sack came off a head of golden blonde and she met eyes of sky blue. The familiar cowlick of Nantucket confirmed that the man who had been dragged to the chapel was, in fact, America.
"Amer...Alfred!" Belarus could not believe what she was seeing. She pulled the gag off his mouth.
"Natayla, what the hell's going on?" Belarus turned on the goons she had hired to grab Russia.
"Idioty (idiots)," she screamed at them. "You brought the wrong man." The thugs stepped back from the unstable nation.
"He's wearing the coat and scarf you described," one of them said in their defence.
"I was feeling cold," Alfred replied. "Ivan left his coat and scarf lying around so I put them on."
"Is this marriage legal?" she demanded from the chapel owner.
"If this is not Ivan Braginski then no," he replied. Belarus could not believe she did not realised that it was not Russia under the sack. After all, America was much shorter than Russia.
"Then I can still do this," she muttered and turned to her hired goons. "You two, come with me and, this time, get the right man." She stormed out, followed by the two no-necks, leaving America, still wrapped in chains and a thoroughly confused proprietor.
After a few minutes Russia, wearing America's leather jacket, put his head through the door.
"The coast is clear, da?"
"Yeah, dude," America replied, with his killer watt grin. "They're long gone. Told ya it would work." Russia came into the chapel.
"Thank you, comrade," Russia gave a true smile.
"Lucky you overheard her plotting," America replied. "But she's still looking for you, dude. You need a place to hide? Ever been to Disneyland?"
"It'll make a good honeymoon!"
"Honeymoon? What'cha talking about?" America asked. "Take these chains off me, dude." Russia's smile went back to his creepy, childlike one.
"I was thinking," he said. "The best way to stop Bel...Natayla from trying to marry me would to be married already." The dark aura began to surround Russia. America did not like the way Russia was looking at him.
"Take the chains off, Ivan!"
Russia turned to the chapel owner, produced his pipe and held it toward the proprietor's face.
"Would you be so kind as to do the honours?" Russia 'requested'. "His name is Alfred F. Jones."
The proprietor gulped again. Why did he get all the crazies?
"We are gathered here today," he began, sweating. "To join this man and this ...man in wedlock."
"I'll get you for this."
"Do you, Ivan Braginski, take Alfred F. Jones to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
"He's dead if he does!"
"Da!"
"Do you, Alfred F. Jones...?"
"Hell, no!"
"Da, he does!" Russia stuck the pipe under the chapel owner's nose.
"Then, by the power vested in me by the State of Nevada, I now pronounce you man and husband. You may kiss the groom! Now please, leave my chapel!"
"RUSSIA! I'M GONNA NUKE YA!"
So while Belarus was out searching for her missing groom/slash/ brother, Russia became one with America.
Da?
Just a little bit of fun. I hope you liked it.
Hasta la Pasta!
