A/N: I wrote this years and years ago. No thought was really given. This is just after little Obi-Wan was taken as Master Qui-Gon's padawan, and the tension between the two. First Qui-Gon's POV, then Obi-Wan. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.
Force, I broke him. I literally broke the boy.
All this time his only goal had been to make me proud. And what did I do? What do I always do? I shut him out, shut him down, time after time after time.
You can do better. Next time don't bother. For Force's sake, Obi-Wan, try harder!
He did try. He tried hard. He tried so hard for so long, and I couldn't see it. I ignored it, disregarded it. I was too scared of my own feelings to care for those of the boy under my care. He is the perfect Padawan. Ahead of his studies, first in his class – the boy even cooks me breakfast.
And what did I do? What sort of Master was I?
I was blind, so blind. Where there stood a sweet, smart little boy, I saw only the failure Xanatos had become. I was afraid to love Obi-Wan. I was afraid that if I let him in, he'd destroy whatever was left of me. I was afraid because of my own past failures. I've taken a sweet, outgoing, happy child and turned him into a quiet, self-conscious shadow of the boy he used to be. Silent as the grave, polite to a fault, and utterly broken by the one man he'd hoped to please.
What have I done?
I don't understand.
I do nothing and he's still disappointed. Maybe that's why he's disappointed - I'm not good enough. It's almost as if my very presence is depressing him. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I'm trying so hard... I'm ahead of my class, I wake up early and meditate, spend hours on end practicing saber drills every day, I even cook and clean... What am I doing wrong? What am I missing? I don't understand.
Maybe I've been so disappointing that he's given up. I wouldn't blame him if he has. I'm obviously not worth the effort, and he'd know. He's a Jedi Master, one of the best, and everything I try to do for him ends in a disaster. But Master Qui-Gon is the greatest master in the temple, and he deserves better than me. Better than whatever I have to offer.
I wonder when I'll be sent back to AgriCorps. I wonder who will take my place at Master Qui-gon's side when I'm gone? I'm sure they'll do much better than I have. I'm a failure.
I've messed it up. Master Qui-Gon is the best master in the temple, my last chance, and I've messed it up. Somehow. I guess I'm just... not good enough. I'm never good enough. I've messed it up.
What have I done?
