Disclaimer: I don't own RENT. Because if I did, I would be living in Ireland, immensely wealthy, and so not writing fanfictions. But for those who need me to say it again: I DO NOT OWN RENT!

Author's note: Special thanks goes to Angel's Star, whose story Ask a Pirate inspired this, and to mangamadde, whose Ask a Sanjayin keeps getting ripped off for us to do these things!

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Theme music plays, to general applause from the studio audience. When the music dies, PirateRockstarColumbia (henceforth known as PRC or simply PirateRockstar) enters the stage. There is more applause.

PRC: Hi there, everybody! And welcome to the very first episode of Ask a Bohemian! Now, in order for this to work, I need you, my viewers (readers) to send in questions to ask our lovely Bohemian friends. But before you can do that, I need to introduce them. So everybody give a warm welcome to our first two Bohemians, who will be returning to the show every week, Roger Davis and Mark Cohen!

There is loud, enthusiastic applause as the Boho boys walk onstage. Rather, as Roger is nearly dragged onstage by Mark. They sit in the seats marked for them, and see that there are two extra chairs

Roger: Who sits there?

PRC: That's for when we invite other Bohemians on the show. So, boys, how does it feel to be on the show?

Mark: Well, PirateRockstar, I don't see that we had any choice. You stole my camera and Roger's guitar and threatened to destroy them if we didn't do the show.

PRC: (nervous laugh) I did no such thing! (in an undertone) If you promise to come back next week of your own free will, I'll relinquish your possessions.

Roger: Done! Where do we sign?

PRC: (pulls out a contract) Here…and here…and initial here. (Once the boys have signed, she replaces the contract in the folder by her chair.) Now boys, you know how the show works, but for those in the audience who may not know how it works, let me break it down for you. So, when this episode ends, the lines will be open, and you can submit your questions for Roger, Mark, or even me! Make sure you send in lots of questions, so that we don't sit here in boredom for the next few weeks. Every so often, we will have special guests. When we do, I will announce them the episode before, so that you can send questions to them too! So, boys, any question on how this works?

Roger: Yeah. Can you possibly have that girl in the front row removed? She keeps trying to touch my foot…and I'm a little worried about what else she may want to touch. (shoots nervous glances in the girl's direction)

PRC: Sure. (mutters) Security. The girl, who is slowly climbing onstage, is escorted out by security. She continues to stare in Roger's direction. Roger lets out an audible sigh as she disappears. Okay boys, here are the rules of the show. When someone sends in a question, you need to answer as honestly as you can. If you really can't answer something, let me know and we'll take care of the problem. Now boys, you receive automatic insult protection. All insults will be censored. Some of our guests will receive limited insult protection as well, but we'll worry about that later. You cannot decline to answer a question only on the grounds that it seems inappropriate. DO you get all that?

Mark: Yeah, I think we do. So, when does the actual show begin?

PRC: As soon as we get some questions. Next week, hopefully. (glances at a screen in the corner) And it appears that we are out of time for this week's episode. Next week, we will have the Boho boys, as well as special guest Mimi Marquez. So make sure you send in tons of questions for the boys, Mimi, and me! (you don't have to send any for me if you don't want to.) See you all next week!

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Author's note: Start sending in those questions, guys, I can't update until you do!