Title: Dirty Little Secret Author: Fire Top Rating: NC-17 (yes kiddies beware) Spoilers: Let's say season one for sure. Maybe a little of season two. Disclaimer: The characters you recognize belong to Adam Sorkin and NBC. The ones you don't belong to me. No money is being made off of this. Summery: Josh has a little secrete that he doesn't want any one to know about. And for obvious reasons.

Authors Note: RAPE!!!!!! Yes a man can be raped by a woman. This isn't a fun story. It will be written in a few parts. This is the first time I have ever written a West Wing story and anything that is in first person POV. It was an experience. Please send any comments to firetop1015@yahoo.com . The English is probably not correct but it is written the way people think and speak. Lots of fragments.

Part One

I so need to go away. Tonight it is. I took off Friday and the rest of the weekend. No one knows where I am going. I have booked myself into a golf spa. Just me and the green. I really need this. I think the whole office agrees with me. They might not know it all, but I have been working very hard lately. Not that we all don't. I wave good bye to everyone. I leave my cell phone and pager with Donna. I'll pick them back up on Monday morning when I come into work. I tell Donna to take tomorrow off too. I think I shocked her. Oh well, attribute it to me going away from Washington for three days. All I have to do is go home finish packing and make it to the airport. Blessed peace is a mere 4 hours away. I think I'm whistling as I walk home. What? Can't a guy be in a good mood? There are no scandals brewing. Everyone is playing nicely. I couldn't have planned a better time for me to take a vacation. Hey maybe I'll even get lucky. I know it's hard to believe but I've been celibate for the past 3 months. I know, I guy like me? But face it. I'm pretty busy. That reminds me; pick up condoms before the flight. Hey I don't want to get any one pregnant now. And it's inconsiderate of my not to provide my own protection. I don't even bother with the elevator. I take the steps two at a time. Ok, now I'm starting to scare myself. I fish my keys out of my pants pocket and open the door. Home Sweet Home. I walk into my room put down my bag and move to my closet to get my suitcase. "You're home." I spin around at the voice. And nearly trip. That was a female voice. There are no females that live here. At least they didn't when I left here this morning. She stands there. She is taller than I am. Almost as tall as CJ, I turn my head, maybe taller. Except I know this is not CJ. She is pale. Her hair is jet black. She is wearing a black leather outfit that is very exotic. I clear my voice, "Can I help you?" "You kidder. Don't you play that you don't know me." She is moving closer to me. I back up. I don't like where this is going. Her hands are behind her back. "Look I think this is some kind of mistake." My back is to the wall, quite literally I might add. She puts her arms on either side of me and presses me into the wall. "Now lover, is that how you treat your secrete admirer." There is a flash of metal out of the corner of my eye and she now has a blade to my throat. Oh shit.

I had been getting strange letters for the past month or so. Love notes or so everyone at work thinks. They keep asking me who it is; I tell them it's nothing. I don't think that they believed me. I think they believe I'm running away this weekend to be with her. I wasn't, but it looks like they were right. Don't get me wrong, I'm the first to gloat when I get a love letter or something like that. Don't ask me why, I don't know. It was sitting in with the regular mail that Donna sorts for me. My personal mail gets put in my office. This letter definatly looked personal. Lilac envelope, purple lettering, my name neatly printed on it. No return address. No biggie to me. I open it. The contents are what made me keep this from my friends. It's very raunchy. Not that I would hide that from anyone, especially CJ, Sam, and Toby. You should hear us when we let our hair down. But this was sick. All of the letters were disturbing. They talked about how this person wanted to tie me up and do all sorts of things to me; most of them involved the spilling of my blood. That's what got me. Hey I have a healthy libido and an open mind. There is nothing wrong with a little S&M. But when blood is talked about, that turns me off. I know I should have taken it to the secrete service but to be honest I was kind of embarrassed by it. All the letters where like that. There were ten of them in all. Maybe that's why I wanted to get away. I try not to think about the letters as she handcuffs my hands behind me and blind folds me. Did I mention I'm scared shitless? I try and listen to find out where she is when something clamps my balls. This is definatly not good. She is massaging and fondling me. It's not a good kind of fondle. I feel kind of dirty. Worse, my body is liking it. Stupid body. I try and ignore the hand as it works. Oh god, I can't help but moan. I feel the fabric of my clothing straining against my dick. Down, I try and tell it. Does it listen of course not. Did I mention I haven't had sex in three months and it feels good being someone else's hand doing all the work? I am educated enough to logically know that the body is a tool and if it is manipulated correctly you can get it to go anything you want it to. I repeat that as I feel my body betray me and come. My pants are now wet and I'm out of breath. "You liked that didn't you?" She whispers in my ear. I don't answer I'm still kind of shaken. I'm suddenly tossed towards the bed and held down kneeling on the floor. I know it's my bed because it's soft. She is pressing down on my neck, pushing my face in to the mattress. "You utter one sound and you'll get more." More? More what? Swat Oh. I don't know what she is hitting me with. It might be a paddle. I try not to make a sound. It hurts. She is strong. She yanks my head back by my hair. "Do you know what that was for?" "Nope, not a clue." I answer. I can't help it. She pushes me back down into the mattress. She is squishing my nose. "The first ten were for messing your pants. You my dear need to learn some control. The next ten are for your smart ass answer. And the final ten are to teach you manners."

Twenty strokes later there are tears in my eyes, but I haven't uttered a sound. My ass is on fire. She removes her hand from my head. I don't move. Who knows what might happen. "Stand up." She orders. Stand up? Ok. "Yes ma'am." I answer. It takes me a few seconds. First, I don't have good balance with out my hands free and I can't see anything either. Second I'm kinds sore from kneeling for what seemed like an eternity. Oh and did I mention my ass is on fire. I guess she didn't take that into consideration. As soon as I'm on my feet there is a slap across my face that makes me stumble. I think the wall saved me from falling on my ass. She pulls me away from it and now I don't know where in the room I am. "When I say move you move. You got that?" "Yes Ma'am." She caresses my face with one hand. Then I feel the sharp blade at my neck. "Let's get you out of these clothes." The blade is sharp. My clothing doesn't give any resistance to it. She starts at my neck. I feel it go down my left arm. Then back at the neck and down the right. I'm happy I left the tie at work. It was a present from CJ, and I liked it. She would be pissed if I didn't wear it again. Again at the neck this time down my front. I feel the shirt fall away from my body. She then tugs on my belt buckle. "I have a use for this later." She purrs. I think I'm going to be sick. The blades slide down each of the pants legs and they fall away along with my boxers. Then there is nothing but air. I don't know hold long I stand there naked. I think I'm trembling. I don't know if it's cold or fear. I try and listen for something. But I don't hear anything. Could she have left? Hopefully. I should try and get this blind fold off. I wait a few more seconds. I must have been standing here for six minutes now. I move my foot when something slaps my ass. That stung. "Who told you to move?" Slap "I know it wasn't me." Slap! "And I'm the only one doing the talking." Slap! "How many is that now?" Slap! "Four Ma'am" I answer. I deserve this. I shouldn't have moved. "Six more. I want you to count them. Start with five." Slap "Five." Slap. "Six" Slap. "Seven." Slap "Eight." Slap "Nine." Slap "Ten" I finally groan out. I just want to collapse. I try not to jump when I feel her hand on my ass. "Mmmm. Nice and warm. We will definatly have to reheat this later." She squeezes my left ass cheek. Oh god does that hurt. Then I'm left alone again. I count to myself. I get to 720 second. I can't believe I've stayed still that long. Over ten minutes. Toby would be so proud. I'm pushed down. Luckily the bed is behind me. I let my body fall in what ever matter it falls in. She grabs my ankles and pulls. Before I know it my cock is engulfed in wet heat. Her mouth is on me. She takes me all the way in, all the way to the root. It's not that I'm huge, but I'm not that little either. I like to think that eight inches is a nice size. She's good. She's sucking and I'm going to loose it. I've had blow jobs before. Very few this good. I try and hold back my orgasm. I don't want her to hurt me. Her teeth are running up the length of my cock. My hips move involuntarily. I want to be back in that heat. There is a stabling pressure at the base of my cock. "You are such a little slut." She laughs. The sharp point digs deeper into my skin. I whimper. "Don't move." And once again I'm engulfed in heat. I can't think. Her mouth is sucking me, her tongue swirling its way up and down my length. Her hands find my balls and she starts to fondle them. I can't help but moan. I'm so close. Her teeth scrape me as she moves up. I'm panting. I just want to come. I'm at the edge. There is something being tied around my cock. It's tight, almost painful. "That should help you control yourself." The assault starts again. I should not be enjoying this. Why is my body betraying me like this? My cock is straining against what ever she tied it with. I try to find something to focus on. Anything but the pleasure coming from my penis.