Goodbye
by Nilladriel

xxx

Tidus sits on the bridge, legs dangling. His gaze is on the raft.

Their raft.

Today is the last day they will be working on it. Seeing it still sends Tidus into a bad mood. He's not sure why. He doesn't think the idea will actually work. Who ever heard of exploring the world in a dumb raft?

Except... Rikubelieves in the idea. Tidus frowns slightly, his gaze still on the raft, but he's not seeing it anymore. In his mind is Riku, grin bright and wide, brushing hair from bright eyes--

Tidus's thoughts freeze as he spots Riku walking towards the (their) raft.

Riku stops near it and... studies it? Tidus can't tell--he's too far--but he can imagine the proud, almost smug look in Riku's eyes. But then he starts to think of Riku's muscles, of the feeling of Riku's skin against his, and Tidus thinks he has too much imagination. So he takes a deep breath and jumps off the bridge.

His landing is slightly off, but the pain and cold's a good shock. Tidus raises his head and grins a little too wide, but that's okay, because within seconds the too-wide grin becomes real when Riku turns and gives Tidus his usual half-smile.

"What are you doing here?" Riku calls as Tidus nears. Tidus shrugs vaguely.

"Not much," he says, "just wasting time."

He looks at the raft and wonders if it really can sail the world. He doubts it, but Riku doesn't, and that makes Tidus believe in the raft--just a little. But in his mind's eye he can see it at sea, tiny and small, surrounded by endless waves and, above, endless sky.

He doesn't want Riku to go.

"We're almost ready," Riku says proudly.

Tidus opens his mouth to say something (don't go) but then he sees Riku's no longer paying attention to him; when he turns around he sees Sora and Kairi. He smiles at them, but it's a sad smile.

When he walks away Sora and Kairi wave and say hi; Tidus returns the favor. He pretends not to mind or care when Riku doesn't even say goodbye. It's all right, he tells himself. Riku and Sora and Kairi are a trio, that's all, and if they (if Riku) always exclude him... well, that's just fine.

He can't help but glance one last at the raft.

It really is a dumb raft, Tidus thinks, but he could never tell them that.

xxx

Tidus takes a deep breath.

Then he hesitates. Riku seems so relaxed, sitting on his paopu tree (in Tidus's mind it is his). He isn't sure he wants to ruin that--

Yeah, right, he thinks. Maybe he's stupid but he's never been a coward, and so he finds himself walking across the bridge and calling out a greeting.

Riku turns and half-smiles, calling back. "Shouldn't you be home?" he asks as Tidus sits on the ground near Riku's feet.

"Yepp," Tidus replies cheerfully, and Riku laughs. Tidus likes Riku's laugh. It's quiet and confident. Tidus has been told his laugh can be obnoxious.

"Go home, Tidus," Riku says.

Tidus shrugs. "I wanted to say goodbye," he blurts out and, suddenly ashamed, has to resist drawing his knees up and hugging them. He's not a little kid--he's not!--but sometimes Riku makes him feel like he is. Then again, Riku makes him feel a lot of things--things that he knows, vaguely, he's not supposed to feel.

"So," he says hurriedly, "um, goodbye."

"We are coming back, you know," Riku replies.

Tidus stands and grins at Riku. "Of course you are," he says.

It's not a premonition--not exactly. But when his gaze lands on Riku's face he freezes, absorbing every detail--the starlight on Riku's skin, the smile on his lips, the eye-hurting brightness of his clothes even in dim light...

He memorizes all this because he suddenly knows it's the last time he'll see Riku like this.

He knows it's the last time Riku will be his Riku.

A thousand words are suddenly in his mouth (the raft's dumb I don't want you to go you look beautiful) but the one that comes out is, "Goodbye."

"Good night," Riku replies. "Go home and sleep, Tidus."

You don't understand, Tidus wants to say, but his feet are already taking him back towards his boat. Maybe he is a coward.