John goes to Mordor
Lotr Fanfic
The fellowship went to Rivendell and instead of wasting 3 films worth of crap, told Elrond where to
shove it and enlisted a Soldier named Joe Morris of the 82nd airborne. He gathered some men and flew
into Mordor with a Nuke, 2 Gatling guns, a ton of ammo, 2 tanks, 4 Missile trucks and 400 pounds of
store bought Jerky (rations in Mordor were scarce).
At first light, he bombed the hell out of Mordor, put the nuke into the Volcano, destroyed Sauron's
tower with Explosives and detonated the nuke, sending all the orcs to hell to be executed over and over
and over. 4 of which were on the toilet and one which was sleeping peacefully in bed, a plush doll of
Saruman in his hands. He woke up to a room full of trolls. And not just any troll, Cave trolls. Needless to
say, he was never seen again.
Mordor was in flames; the leadership was dead and saurons forces were desperately trying to shoot
Down Joe's plane. Eventually, the U.S army arrived, thanks to the miracle of Google Maps and wiped
Mordor off the map.
Frodo looked at Gandalf. "that's a nice story, but how are we supposed to get an army? Minas tirith is
destroyed, Faramir is dead and Boromir is gone, Aragorn has died of old age and the elves are MIA"
Gandalf's face went white as a ghost. He died screaming.
