Forgive, forget and everything in between
Time was passing by really slow or so Gibbs thought until he took the first good look at his watch. It was after eleven o'clock at night and he was alone. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. Everything had gone wrong that day and it wasn't the first time he thought about it. He had spent his evening contemplating the events of the day. It was constantly inside his mind as he had tried to work on his boat earlier. He wasn't certain if he was to be forgiven this time. If he was asked the night before he'd say he didn't care. But now? Now, all alone in the cold of night he realized how much he had come to care and need. He was never a needy person but apparently so he liked to think until the right person came into his life. The right person was wrong this time though and… damn, whom was he trying to fool?
A quick drive and twenty minutes later he was standing out of an apartment he had only been twice before. That was about to change if he had anything to do with it. A knock and he was greeted by a surprised stare that soon changed to angry.
'What can I do for you?' Gibbs might not be a man of words but he usually wasn't left without them either. 'What do you want?' Well, it was obvious he wasn't welcome.
'I wanted to see how you're doing…' he said and the other man took a step behind letting him go in before closing the door behind them.
'How would you feel if you had been injured by a dog's attack –and I don't mean by a poodle- and your best friend called you bad, seeing more to the needs of said non poodle dog, your partners seeing the attack as a nice touch to play games at you and your almost lover doing nothing to stop it even though he does have the power to do it?' An eyebrow rose above a green eye and Gibbs couldn't help but think that an angry McGee was a sexy McGee. And did he just call Gibbs his almost lover?
'What do you want Gibbs?' Well, sexy and unapproachable.
'I was waiting for you to come. We had a…' Wasn't he too old to have a date? Was it really that? Or he had been well above himself with this? Whatever this was….
Tim's glare turned even darker.
'Did you actually believe that I would come after everything that happened today? I am even considering taking a few days off work to see if I can actually trust myself to work with Abby and Tony again… and you…' Tim was obviously trying to think how to handle this.
'Get out.'
'What?' That wasn't exactly how Gibbs had envisioned this.
'I am too tired and the doctors, both Ducky and the one who examined me in the hospital… and yes some people were actually worried about me being bit by that dog, told me to stay at home. I, of course being the gullible little McGee thought that I'd get a decent behaviour from the people I've been working with for so long. What I got was Abby's outburst, Tony's stupidness and "how are you doing McGee" from the man with I had a so called date for tonight.' He staggered behind losing his balance for a while but as Gibbs moved forward to catch him Tim decided that leaning on the wall was preferable. Anything as long as Gibbs wasn't touching him.
'Mc… Tim, listen to me…'
'No I won't. I don't have to…' he said but Gibbs could see his resolve melting.
'No, of course you don't have to but…'
'No buts, Jethro. I'm done with it… I'm tired and sometimes it gets too much. Do you know what I mean?' In reality he didn't and Tim could see it in the blank stare he got in response.
'I spent my life being bullied by the bigger boys and when I finally, finally! get the job I always wanted I find a different kind of bullying and I'm thinking, well Tim, it's nothing new, right? You can deal with it. Piece of cake! But when the people that I care about show so little interest in my well being, well, that's the last straw really. I don't care about the bullying, the teasing, and Abby's strange tendencies when I'm alright, but this time I wasn't and it… really hurt. If I can't trust my colleagues and they just proved that I can't, well what's left for me…' Gibbs caught where this was going and stopped it.
'No!'
'No what?' Tim's voice had lost its previous edge and he just seemed tired. Awfully tired. The usually pale complexion had turned deathly white and Gibbs' hand itched to move and touch his face. He might not get the chance to do that but his arms were instantly around the younger man's waist as soon as Tim lost the war with balance. Gibbs kept him up straight and moved him slowly to the sofa.
'What did the doctor say?' He asked worried.
'So now you care?' Came the muffled reply and Gibbs kind of lost it. Tim had never accused him of anything before and now it just... well hurt. Kind of.
'I did ask how you were and you said you were OK. What more could I do?' He starting pacing in the small room agitated.
'Nothing.' Gibbs sat next to him and pulled the suddenly unresisting body towards him.
'Hmmm you're warm. It's so cold in here.'
'Do you want me to turn the heat on?' Gibbs asked even though he seemed to find it warm enough.
'Nuh it's fine.' Tim curled himself around his body clutching Gibbs' shirt. A minute became several minutes before Gibbs attempted to break the silence. Despite the soft, alluring breath at his neck he knew Tim wasn't asleep. His hold on him was far too strong.
'Are you still angry?' Tim leaned back and green eyes stared at him and he cursed himself for even asking the moment he saw those eyes turning blank again hiding all emotions except anger.
'You ask? How can you ask…?' he muttered but was taken off guard as Gibbs suddenly pressed his mouth against his, stopping his accusations against the rest of the team members, no matter how justified they were. He did try to say more but that only helped Gibbs' purposes so Tim soon stopped objecting. When finally let each other enough to breathe Tim's earlier glazed gaze was outright bleary and he tried to change his position on the sofa and come closer to Gibbs.
'This isn't… hm you aren't…' He didn't have to chance to finish his sentence or even his thought as his eyes closed and he fell asleep. Gibbs decided to seize the moment and leaned close to Tim's ear.
'Am I forgiven?' One green eye opened to look at him.
'No. Not yet. I'm not that easy…' the eye closed again and Tim's breathing evened out.
Gibbs sat like that for about half an hour content to be close to Tim and watch him sleep when suddenly the younger man started moving restlessly in his arms, little gasps of air coming out of his mouth hands twitching in his shirt. Something was wrong. Gibbs tightened his arms around Tim, but he could see the youthful face losing its peacefulness.
'Tim, Tim wake up… it's only a nightmare.' Gibbs' fingers touched the pale cheek and the beautiful eyes opened disoriented. Tim sat away from Gibbs as soon as he could move.
'What happened?' He asked feeling his body shivering, his heart beating fast and stronger than usually, the kind of beating someone feels in the ears as blood running too fast.
'A nightmare?' Gibbs asked quietly. And Tim nodded. He tried to remember what it was about but he couldn't.
'It's probably side effects from the medication.'
'What medication?'
'A dog, which we thought had killed a man and its system was full with cocaine bit me and you ask what medication?' This Tim was new but Gibbs liked him. Timid McGee was not bad especially since he did everything Gibbs asked, even the things others couldn't, but this snarky, ready to bite his head off the moment he said something innate was even better for some reason. 'Why are you smiling?' Tim asked seeing Gibbs expression.
'I'm not smiling.' He didn't want to admit that he liked this Tim who saw Gibbs as an equal not someone to be scared off.
'Sure you are.' He got up and indicated the door. 'The door is over there. You may leave. I'm going to sleep.' He said but the words were cut by a sudden wave of dizziness. He groaned when he felt Gibbs supporting them once again. 'I can walk on my own.'
'I can see that McGee. What's wrong? You've been better at work.'
'I got the second dose of medication when I came home, Gibbs. That's what happened. When he came I was preparing myself to bed.'
'OK let's take you there'
'I can go in my bedroom on my own.' Gibbs didn't answer. He just pushed the tired, aching man towards the bedroom where he proceeded in putting him in bed despite said man's muffled protests sitting next to him considering everything he had heard. This was going to be more difficult than he had thought. Still, he deserved it.
When Tim next opened his eyes he felt gloomy and disoriented. He sat on his bed wondering why when a sharp pain on his shoulder reminded him the reason.
'Are you alright?' He heard from somewhere at his left. Turning his head he could see the person who came with that voice.
'Yea. What are you doing here?'
'I came last night and couldn't leave you alone like that..' Tim got up slowly putting his hand on the wall to support him in case he overestimated his strength. Again!, if his memories served him right. Which most probably did.
'What time is it?'
'Just before six. Are you alright?' Gibbs repeated without moving to get closer to him.
'I wouldn't say "alright" but better than yesterday. So you stayed all night?' Gibbs nodded and Tim could see it had been a painful movement for the older man. 'Why?' Gibbs usually brilliant eyes were gloomy and red. Tim didn't like seeing the older man like that. Gibbs just shrugged.
'It seemed like you…' "Needed" was the word he wanted to say, but he wasn't certain how Tim would take that. Tim walked around the bed when he felt that his balance wasn't going to be questioned he stood in front of Gibbs and reached his hand to pull him up. Gibbs stood and put his hands at Tim's shoulders locking their gazes together.
'Am I forgiven?' Tim took a deep breath and asked.
'What about?'
'For yesterday.'
'Why do you want to be forgiven?' Gibbs didn't understand the question for a few seconds.
'Not because you're angry Tim.' He said when he did understand and Tim smiled.
'Forgiven and everything's forgotten too.'
'Not by me. I won't forget Tim.' And that was all Tim needed to hear even if he knew it wouldn't last. Maybe they still had a chance.
Finis
