A dream.

You don't always know when you're dreaming

But there was no doubt for me.

Because this.

This couldn't be real.

I didn't want it to be real,

Didn't want to live in a world like this.

I thought 4 years without runaway Sammy was bad?

Nothing compared to a world without one at all.

"Since when do you call me 'Sammy?'"

What? Since when have I not?

My privileged place. Big brother.

The only one who gets to call him that.

Had another taken my place

In this nightmare paradise fantasy?

Fantasy. Dream.

Yes, it must be dream

Because a world without Sammy is no kind of world.

It's hard to say no to him

Not Sammy, but still Sammy's face, eyes,

Begging. Reaching. Don't.

Don't.

I don't want it either.

Why can't this be real?

Am I so bad that not even my perfect world can be perfect?

Can no one I love be happy?

Why can't he be Sammy?

But better lives than mine need saving

And Sammy, real Sammy, is waiting.

So I plunge the knife home.