Disclaimer- I own nothing.
This feeling has never been felt before, or at least, not by her, and she finds that fact so incredibly, odd.
She's a girl that's been through more in her almost 19 years then most people go through in a life time, and still, this feeling of agonizing and childlike fear has never overshadowed her.
Sure, pure terror greater than this, she has seen on more than one occasion. But after the icebox lid was open or she was in Logan's arms, it was mostly gone.
Yet this, the excruciating dread and panic of being followed by someone who could most definitely do things to you that had already been done once, twice even (Veronica didn't even know which was more truthful.) Things that anyone in the world, sans those who committed rape, would say should never be done to anyone, ever.
Veronica told herself that she wouldn't let him ruin her life, she wouldn't be afraid, and she wouldn't give up on the case. No, Veronica Mars vowed that this man would never hurt another woman again.
Yet, he did take over her life. If she wasn't trying to solve the case, she was incompetent. Everyday tasks she had been doing since she was five would suddenly become horrendously hard. Her mind would stop connecting things while her professors lectured. She would forget how to make coffee. She was be sorting laundry when all of the sudden there were whites with the jeans, and her bights no longer has a separate pile; forcing her to throw them all in at once, run the cycle cold, and turn away.
She would go think more about that night, all the nights, the rapist who so meticulously raped and shaved his victims bald, without leaving a trace for her to follow. She would think about it because at least then the thoughts in her mind were formed into even and straight lines, not jumbled piles like her laundry.
And the rapist was taking over her life; and she hated him for it.
That unsetting fear bounced up and down in her chest; met with the same, instant fear when someone picked her up and carried her out of the school cafeteria.
When she stormed into the penthouse sweet at the Neptune Grand she had every intention to giving it all to Logan. It didn't matter that she swore she would never tell anyone the things that had her so emotionally distraught for the past days, it was his fault, mostly anyway, and she wanted, no, needed him to know.
She wanted to scream to him that he had made her feel like a sinking ship, that he had scared her beyond belief, that he had hurt her, betrayed her, and ruined a whole week of her life. She wanted him to know she cried herself to sleep at night in fear.
She knew that he never wanted that for her. She knew the second she told him these things he would feel just as badly as her. Hadn't he always been the one to protect her and stick up for her. She remembers the fire in his eyes whenever he found out someone had hurt her. Now he was doing the same thing, and he needed to know.
She needed to tell him that he had caused her to have nightmares and awake screaming out into the night. And that no one had done that except Cassidy and Aaron.
But the second the thought crossed her mind; it was as though she had crashed into a brick wall. She didn't tell him that, because she knew the second she told him he was like his father, it would stop the tearing, and rip him in half.
It wasn't Logan's fault; it was the rapists. He drugged her, he knew who she was, and he was the one she was afraid of.
Logan was just a benefactor, he just put someone out there to protect her, and it backfired a little bit.
She didn't know why she was suddenly thinking these thoughts, was he convincing herself? Or was it the truth?
She did know, that she felt at least safe when his arms in circled her. A completely new, almost worse feeling may have replaced the dread and fear. It was the feeling that she wasn't okay, that there still was the rapist out there, looking for her even. It was the truth that Logan couldn't protect her.
But for now she was in Logan's arms, and she had never felt safer.
That was enough to tell her that he was not like Cassidy in the slightest.
And he defiantly wasn't at all like his father.
