Poetry of the Heart
Part 1
:: Every Time By Heero Yuy Every time I try To tell you how I feel The words always seem to die Though what I know is real Every time I get near you I clam up and my throat goes dry And when you ask me what is wrong I say nothing and then good-bye Every time I do this It drives me up the wall I kick and punch and yell at myself For I know I'm just trying to stall And every time you come To ask the same question again I want to tell you how I feel And let the relationship finally begin But yet again I say it's nothing And yet again you walk away And with every step my heart breaks Because those three little words I cannot say::
Heero closed his composition notebook and fell back onto the bed. His eyes stared up at the ceiling fan, reminding him of the chaos inside of his own soul; going around in circles and never deciding on when to stop unless someone does something about it. A smirk lit his face briefly before disappearing as soon as it came. Once again his mask had fallen and he was reduced to writing in that stupid book of his to please his tormented soul for the time being. A sigh escaped him as he realized that he couldn't take this for much longer. His eyes slowly fell upon his black and white book; the same book that he had to keep hidden in a drawer with a silent alarm rigged in it that notified him directly if anyone was to open it. It contained words, thoughts, and feelings that he didn't want ANYONE to read. Especially not Her. Heero shut his eyes as his mind drifted out his small, opened window to the laughter outside. A small smile tugged at his lips as he focused on one person. Soon the smile was accompanied by a chuckle as he heard that person get drenched with a water balloon.
They were now in the hottest summer in as long as they could remember; and with the pool drainage system on the fritz, Duo, Relena, Quatre, and Trowa decided it was best to have a "water war". The chuckle turned into a grin as he heard Duo get pummeled by water balloons and cry out exclaiming that it wasn't fair. Obviously they had ganged up on him. Heero opened his eyes to stare out of his window at the clouds in the sky, the unmoving, pure white, cirrus clouds. His gaze went to one of the fans in the room. He got up and knelt in front of it, feeling the semi-cool air splash against his face, drying the streaks of sweat that fell from his brow. The air conditioning had also broken, so the mansion was almost as hot as it was outside. Even then, it felt like it was 100 degrees. He focused his eyes on the miniature thermometer stuck onto the wall and frowned as he read that it was 101 degrees. One degree off, and this was supposed to be the coolest day of the week. Right now a battle in Antarctica with Zechs didn't sound like such a bad idea. But airports had been shut down due to the intense heat and the many heat strokes and cases of extreme heat exhaustion, so there was no way of doing that. And all of the mobile suits had been destroyed, so a fight for the sake of fighting was out of the question too.
Standing and walking over to his door, while placing the notebook in the specially guarded drawer along the way, he glanced at his reflection in the mirror. Due to the heat, he had been reduced to wearing only his black spandex shorts; no shoes, socks, or tank-top. He was beginning to hate the color black, it sucked up the heat and he had nothing else besides his jeans.
Walking out the door and down the steps to the kitchen he took an ice-cube out of the freezer, immediately sticking it in his mouth before it melted. Heero sighed as he stood there with the coolness of the open freezer cascading over his body. If only he could stay this way all summer. But realizing the futility of the wish he reluctantly shut the door and walked over to the kitchen window, peering out at the continuing war. The others were soaked to the bone and loving it. Heero frowned as he realized that he should have joined in on the little war, and deliberately lost. But he couldn't risk his reputation like that, not like the others. Duo was perfect for the event; Relena was a shock, but only a little, her reputation wasn't like Heero's; Quatre and Trowa were very predictable, along with Duo, anything to get them paired up. Heero wondered what the relationship between the two pilots really was; was it just best-friends, or something more? He quickly shook the thought from his head as Wufei walked into the room and the war outside came to an abrupt stop because of the sudden lack of water balloons.
"Wishing you had been in it?" Wufei asked as he performed the same task Heero had just finished.
"No."
"No? Why not?"
"I prefer air-conditioning and a pool than a pointless water balloon fight."
"You do realize that the temperature of the pool would change drastically in a matter of minutes out there."
"Yeah, but that's what tons of ice cubes are for, and an indoor pool."
"And then they'd melt and the pool would be overflowing with warm water, and it would take months to clean out the basement and install a pool down there."
"How's the air conditioner?"
"Completely fried. We need a new one and an order has been made, though it won't arrive for another week or so."
Heero sighed at the knowledge and watched as Relena rung the water out of her hair before flipping it over her shoulder. Wufei caught that look and shook his head.
"He'd kill you, you know."
"What are you talking about?" Heero asked as he looked over his shoulder at the Chinese pilot.
"Zechs. He'd kill you if you two got involved."
"I still don't know what you're talking about."
"I see the way you look at her. You are a love-sick fool, Yuy. Zechs would kill you if you got involved with his only sister."
"Wufei, you are full of delusions if you think I feel that way about Relena."
"Mm-hm... You think that, but I'll be telling you 'I told you so' very soon by the looks of it. And if you think you can play mind tricks with me and hide the truth, you are the one who is delusional."
Heero rolled his eyes and froze as they fell on Relena once again. She had put her hair up and was laughing with the others. Her bathing suit top went from tying at the neck, to tying around the chest, very low around the chest, while the rest cut off above her mid-drift. And she had on extremely short shorts and some sandals to complete the outfit. Wufei smirked and walked over to Heero.
"If I were you, Yuy..." he said whispering in his ear. "I would try to earn Zech's trust before anything happens that shouldn't have before hand."
"You're not me," he answered back glaring. "And I am not full of delusions."
Wufei smirked again and walked away, grabbing another ice cube. "Fine. Have it your way. But like I said earlier, I'll be saying 'I told you so' very soon, love-sick fool."
Heero rolled his eyes again and looked back outside. The others were talking, and Relena looked over towards Heero and smiled. Heero stared at her for a few seconds before disappearing from view. Relena's smile faltered, but was soon replaced by a laugh brought on by Duo.
Heero shook his head as he walked back into his room.
'I can't tell her, I just can't. What would she say anyway? She would probably laugh in my face and tell me that it wouldn't have worked out anyway. On the other hand, though. We have been through a lot, and we have plenty of evidence to prove that a relationship would work out.'
Heero sighed in frustration as he closed his door.
"What's wrong with me!" he screamed, banging his head against the door. "Why... can't... I... tell... her... the... truth?" he exclaimed, hitting his head as emphasis at the end of every word. He hit his head one last time before letting it rest there. The irony of the situation and the poem he had just written not fifteen minutes ago was laughable, but true. Probably any minute now Relena would knock on the door and ask...
A sudden knock on the door brought Heero out of his thoughts.
"Heero..?" Relena asked timidly.
Heero's eyes widened at this irony, but then replaced his mask and opened the door a crack. "What is it?"
"Are you alright?" She asked hesitantly. "Is anything wrong?"
"It's nothing."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. It's probably just the heat getting to me if I'm missing anything, though I doubt I am."
Relena looked at him worriedly, not believing one word he said. "I don't believe you, Heero. You're not the one to let the temperature get to you. Something else must be bothering you."
"I told you it's nothing!" he snapped.
Relena jumped and cocked an eye-brow. "If it's nothing... then why did you just snap at me?" she asked as her old commanding air came about her again and she placed her hands on her hips.
Heero's eyes widened and he backed away from the door; his movements making it open a little further.
"Want to talk about it?" Relena asked gently, her strong aura fading as her arms fell.
"Not really."
"Not really? Something must be wrong since you didn't give me a forward answer."
Heero stared at her in shock, then sighed and gave in. "Come in... close the door behind you."
Doing as she was told, Relena walked in and sat down on the coverless and sheet-less bed. "So what's wrong?"
"Not only would you not believe me, you would not understand even if I told you."
'Are you insane?!'
Heero's mind yelled at him.
'It is about her, so of course she would understand! ... No she wouldn't, she would never understand the type of emotion I feel towards her.'
Relena watched Heero with interest. Something was going on inside of his head; she just didn't know what... yet.
"Try me."
"Relena... you wouldn't understand..." Heero said through his teeth as he clenched his fist.
"Then why did you invite me in here?"
Blood sprinkled down his hand as he yelled at himself mentally for making that mistake.
Relena saw the blood and gasped, "You're bleeding!"
Heero looked down at his palm and praised his pride, habit, and reputation for making him do that.
"What here," he said as he went into the bathroom, cursing himself for making yet another mistake.
"Need some help?"
"No, I can manage."
"Alright," Relena answered a little hurt. Then her eyes began scanning the room. It was as plain as she thought it was; he really needed something on the bare walls besides a mirror, and perhaps some carpeting would be nice, and anything else that would spice up the room. Then her eyes fell on a slightly opened drawer.
'Now what would he keep in here?'
Her mind raced to think up of ideas as she walked over and opened it further. A small black and white composition notebook was inside with the words "Property of Heero Yuy" written on the cover. How predictable. She flipped silently through the pages and landed on an entry with no title. It was a poem. Her eyes widened as she read the words. :: The more I see you
The more I know
What it is to love
What it is to grow
And the more I grow
The more I understand
What you are telling me
When you offer me your hand::
It was very good, to Relena at least. She knew Heero had a kind heart and a philosophical side, but a poetic side? This was totally new to her. She flipped the page and saw another poem entitled "My Angel".
:: My Angel By Heero Yuy
For this weeping heart
No words can express
The undying love
I no longer can suppress
And with that love
Your lips I caress
Though worlds apart
We may be
My mind looks ahead
With blind eyes that now see
And soars above
With trapped wings set free
The moon cannot comprehend
And the sun cannot know
What it is to have you, so high
While my soul is trapped below
In the screaming depths of hell
My soul writhed in pain
While my angel rested in heaven
And shed tears that fell like rain
It was with those tears
That you let me escape
From the pain and the suffering
The cruelty and the hate
It was the purity of you
Which let me fly
Across the heavens
High into the sky
I came to you
And held you close
I thanked you for helping me to be reborn
And told you that you were what I needed most
You put your arms around me
You folded me in your wings
You were always there in my time of need
You were always there to love me
So now I tell you
In, regretfully, primitive words
Thank you for making me reborn
Thank you for being my world::
Relena stared in shock at the words before her as. Never before had
she heard such beautiful words, especially not from Heero. This was a
total shock to her. She turned to the last entry of poems, it was
entitled Every Time. As she read, tears began to well up in her eyes
as she realized exactly to whom this poem, and the others, were
addressed. Upon closing and replacing the book in the exact way she
found it, Relena walked over to the bathroom, drying her eyes along
the way.
"Heero, is everything alright?"
Heero's head snapped up from his trance. He had been kicking himself
for making so many mistakes and was racking his brain for ideas on how
to tell Relena the truth. The injured hand was cleaned, and now he
had no more reason to stay in the bathroom; he had no more reason to
hold back.
"Yes, Relena, every thing is just fine."
"Good, I'm glad. Listen, I just remembered that I have something to
do, so we'll have to finish this later. I'm sorry I couldn't get
anything out of you verbally, but perhaps later." With that Relena
turned on her heal and left the room, another tear sliding down her
cheek.
Heero stood there, stunned, with his hand on the door-knob. It wasn't
like Relena to forget things. And if she had to do something, she
would have done it before the water fight. So what could have scared
her off?
Heero opened the door and looked around. Nothing seemed out of place,
so it never occurred to him that Relena had just read into his heart.
:: Every Time By Heero Yuy Every time I try To tell you how I feel The words always seem to die Though what I know is real Every time I get near you I clam up and my throat goes dry And when you ask me what is wrong I say nothing and then good-bye Every time I do this It drives me up the wall I kick and punch and yell at myself For I know I'm just trying to stall And every time you come To ask the same question again I want to tell you how I feel And let the relationship finally begin But yet again I say it's nothing And yet again you walk away And with every step my heart breaks Because those three little words I cannot say::
Heero closed his composition notebook and fell back onto the bed. His eyes stared up at the ceiling fan, reminding him of the chaos inside of his own soul; going around in circles and never deciding on when to stop unless someone does something about it. A smirk lit his face briefly before disappearing as soon as it came. Once again his mask had fallen and he was reduced to writing in that stupid book of his to please his tormented soul for the time being. A sigh escaped him as he realized that he couldn't take this for much longer. His eyes slowly fell upon his black and white book; the same book that he had to keep hidden in a drawer with a silent alarm rigged in it that notified him directly if anyone was to open it. It contained words, thoughts, and feelings that he didn't want ANYONE to read. Especially not Her. Heero shut his eyes as his mind drifted out his small, opened window to the laughter outside. A small smile tugged at his lips as he focused on one person. Soon the smile was accompanied by a chuckle as he heard that person get drenched with a water balloon.
They were now in the hottest summer in as long as they could remember; and with the pool drainage system on the fritz, Duo, Relena, Quatre, and Trowa decided it was best to have a "water war". The chuckle turned into a grin as he heard Duo get pummeled by water balloons and cry out exclaiming that it wasn't fair. Obviously they had ganged up on him. Heero opened his eyes to stare out of his window at the clouds in the sky, the unmoving, pure white, cirrus clouds. His gaze went to one of the fans in the room. He got up and knelt in front of it, feeling the semi-cool air splash against his face, drying the streaks of sweat that fell from his brow. The air conditioning had also broken, so the mansion was almost as hot as it was outside. Even then, it felt like it was 100 degrees. He focused his eyes on the miniature thermometer stuck onto the wall and frowned as he read that it was 101 degrees. One degree off, and this was supposed to be the coolest day of the week. Right now a battle in Antarctica with Zechs didn't sound like such a bad idea. But airports had been shut down due to the intense heat and the many heat strokes and cases of extreme heat exhaustion, so there was no way of doing that. And all of the mobile suits had been destroyed, so a fight for the sake of fighting was out of the question too.
Standing and walking over to his door, while placing the notebook in the specially guarded drawer along the way, he glanced at his reflection in the mirror. Due to the heat, he had been reduced to wearing only his black spandex shorts; no shoes, socks, or tank-top. He was beginning to hate the color black, it sucked up the heat and he had nothing else besides his jeans.
Walking out the door and down the steps to the kitchen he took an ice-cube out of the freezer, immediately sticking it in his mouth before it melted. Heero sighed as he stood there with the coolness of the open freezer cascading over his body. If only he could stay this way all summer. But realizing the futility of the wish he reluctantly shut the door and walked over to the kitchen window, peering out at the continuing war. The others were soaked to the bone and loving it. Heero frowned as he realized that he should have joined in on the little war, and deliberately lost. But he couldn't risk his reputation like that, not like the others. Duo was perfect for the event; Relena was a shock, but only a little, her reputation wasn't like Heero's; Quatre and Trowa were very predictable, along with Duo, anything to get them paired up. Heero wondered what the relationship between the two pilots really was; was it just best-friends, or something more? He quickly shook the thought from his head as Wufei walked into the room and the war outside came to an abrupt stop because of the sudden lack of water balloons.
"Wishing you had been in it?" Wufei asked as he performed the same task Heero had just finished.
"No."
"No? Why not?"
"I prefer air-conditioning and a pool than a pointless water balloon fight."
"You do realize that the temperature of the pool would change drastically in a matter of minutes out there."
"Yeah, but that's what tons of ice cubes are for, and an indoor pool."
"And then they'd melt and the pool would be overflowing with warm water, and it would take months to clean out the basement and install a pool down there."
"How's the air conditioner?"
"Completely fried. We need a new one and an order has been made, though it won't arrive for another week or so."
Heero sighed at the knowledge and watched as Relena rung the water out of her hair before flipping it over her shoulder. Wufei caught that look and shook his head.
"He'd kill you, you know."
"What are you talking about?" Heero asked as he looked over his shoulder at the Chinese pilot.
"Zechs. He'd kill you if you two got involved."
"I still don't know what you're talking about."
"I see the way you look at her. You are a love-sick fool, Yuy. Zechs would kill you if you got involved with his only sister."
"Wufei, you are full of delusions if you think I feel that way about Relena."
"Mm-hm... You think that, but I'll be telling you 'I told you so' very soon by the looks of it. And if you think you can play mind tricks with me and hide the truth, you are the one who is delusional."
Heero rolled his eyes and froze as they fell on Relena once again. She had put her hair up and was laughing with the others. Her bathing suit top went from tying at the neck, to tying around the chest, very low around the chest, while the rest cut off above her mid-drift. And she had on extremely short shorts and some sandals to complete the outfit. Wufei smirked and walked over to Heero.
"If I were you, Yuy..." he said whispering in his ear. "I would try to earn Zech's trust before anything happens that shouldn't have before hand."
"You're not me," he answered back glaring. "And I am not full of delusions."
Wufei smirked again and walked away, grabbing another ice cube. "Fine. Have it your way. But like I said earlier, I'll be saying 'I told you so' very soon, love-sick fool."
Heero rolled his eyes again and looked back outside. The others were talking, and Relena looked over towards Heero and smiled. Heero stared at her for a few seconds before disappearing from view. Relena's smile faltered, but was soon replaced by a laugh brought on by Duo.
Heero shook his head as he walked back into his room.
'I can't tell her, I just can't. What would she say anyway? She would probably laugh in my face and tell me that it wouldn't have worked out anyway. On the other hand, though. We have been through a lot, and we have plenty of evidence to prove that a relationship would work out.'
Heero sighed in frustration as he closed his door.
"What's wrong with me!" he screamed, banging his head against the door. "Why... can't... I... tell... her... the... truth?" he exclaimed, hitting his head as emphasis at the end of every word. He hit his head one last time before letting it rest there. The irony of the situation and the poem he had just written not fifteen minutes ago was laughable, but true. Probably any minute now Relena would knock on the door and ask...
A sudden knock on the door brought Heero out of his thoughts.
"Heero..?" Relena asked timidly.
Heero's eyes widened at this irony, but then replaced his mask and opened the door a crack. "What is it?"
"Are you alright?" She asked hesitantly. "Is anything wrong?"
"It's nothing."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. It's probably just the heat getting to me if I'm missing anything, though I doubt I am."
Relena looked at him worriedly, not believing one word he said. "I don't believe you, Heero. You're not the one to let the temperature get to you. Something else must be bothering you."
"I told you it's nothing!" he snapped.
Relena jumped and cocked an eye-brow. "If it's nothing... then why did you just snap at me?" she asked as her old commanding air came about her again and she placed her hands on her hips.
Heero's eyes widened and he backed away from the door; his movements making it open a little further.
"Want to talk about it?" Relena asked gently, her strong aura fading as her arms fell.
"Not really."
"Not really? Something must be wrong since you didn't give me a forward answer."
Heero stared at her in shock, then sighed and gave in. "Come in... close the door behind you."
Doing as she was told, Relena walked in and sat down on the coverless and sheet-less bed. "So what's wrong?"
"Not only would you not believe me, you would not understand even if I told you."
'Are you insane?!'
Heero's mind yelled at him.
'It is about her, so of course she would understand! ... No she wouldn't, she would never understand the type of emotion I feel towards her.'
Relena watched Heero with interest. Something was going on inside of his head; she just didn't know what... yet.
"Try me."
"Relena... you wouldn't understand..." Heero said through his teeth as he clenched his fist.
"Then why did you invite me in here?"
Blood sprinkled down his hand as he yelled at himself mentally for making that mistake.
Relena saw the blood and gasped, "You're bleeding!"
Heero looked down at his palm and praised his pride, habit, and reputation for making him do that.
"What here," he said as he went into the bathroom, cursing himself for making yet another mistake.
"Need some help?"
"No, I can manage."
"Alright," Relena answered a little hurt. Then her eyes began scanning the room. It was as plain as she thought it was; he really needed something on the bare walls besides a mirror, and perhaps some carpeting would be nice, and anything else that would spice up the room. Then her eyes fell on a slightly opened drawer.
'Now what would he keep in here?'
Her mind raced to think up of ideas as she walked over and opened it further. A small black and white composition notebook was inside with the words "Property of Heero Yuy" written on the cover. How predictable. She flipped silently through the pages and landed on an entry with no title. It was a poem. Her eyes widened as she read the words. :: The more I see you
The more I know
What it is to love
What it is to grow
And the more I grow
The more I understand
What you are telling me
When you offer me your hand::
It was very good, to Relena at least. She knew Heero had a kind heart and a philosophical side, but a poetic side? This was totally new to her. She flipped the page and saw another poem entitled "My Angel".
:: My Angel By Heero Yuy
For this weeping heart
No words can express
The undying love
I no longer can suppress
And with that love
Your lips I caress
Though worlds apart
We may be
My mind looks ahead
With blind eyes that now see
And soars above
With trapped wings set free
The moon cannot comprehend
And the sun cannot know
What it is to have you, so high
While my soul is trapped below
In the screaming depths of hell
My soul writhed in pain
While my angel rested in heaven
And shed tears that fell like rain
It was with those tears
That you let me escape
From the pain and the suffering
The cruelty and the hate
It was the purity of you
Which let me fly
Across the heavens
High into the sky
I came to you
And held you close
I thanked you for helping me to be reborn
And told you that you were what I needed most
You put your arms around me
You folded me in your wings
You were always there in my time of need
You were always there to love me
So now I tell you
In, regretfully, primitive words
Thank you for making me reborn
Thank you for being my world::
Relena stared in shock at the words before her as. Never before had
she heard such beautiful words, especially not from Heero. This was a
total shock to her. She turned to the last entry of poems, it was
entitled Every Time. As she read, tears began to well up in her eyes
as she realized exactly to whom this poem, and the others, were
addressed. Upon closing and replacing the book in the exact way she
found it, Relena walked over to the bathroom, drying her eyes along
the way.
"Heero, is everything alright?"
Heero's head snapped up from his trance. He had been kicking himself
for making so many mistakes and was racking his brain for ideas on how
to tell Relena the truth. The injured hand was cleaned, and now he
had no more reason to stay in the bathroom; he had no more reason to
hold back.
"Yes, Relena, every thing is just fine."
"Good, I'm glad. Listen, I just remembered that I have something to
do, so we'll have to finish this later. I'm sorry I couldn't get
anything out of you verbally, but perhaps later." With that Relena
turned on her heal and left the room, another tear sliding down her
cheek.
Heero stood there, stunned, with his hand on the door-knob. It wasn't
like Relena to forget things. And if she had to do something, she
would have done it before the water fight. So what could have scared
her off?
Heero opened the door and looked around. Nothing seemed out of place,
so it never occurred to him that Relena had just read into his heart.
