Uhm.. Okay.. So I finally got my new computer! :3 And it's a laptop and that means you're gonna be seeing soooo much more writing from me. :D Causecause I always wanna write, but I can hardly ever get on my computer cause my dad needs to work.. Problem solved!

-is sitting in my neighbor's house right now cause I'm taking care of their cat- Yay.. no distractions. :3 This one's gonna be short cause I still have to finish my other story that I started last night, but it's not on this computer D:

I need to stop rambling x.X So.. enjoy!

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"Oh my god. Oh my god, no, listen to me--" She's standing and she's crying and she's never supposed to cry but she's crying now. Her hands are clenched into fists so tight that her knuckles are white and she's biting her lips so hard to keep from sobbing that there's a tiny line of blood dripping from it. Nobody's home and you'd be the only one to hear her scream but she still won't scream. She won't cry. She won't beg for forgiveness because she won't admit that there isn't even anything to be sorry for in the first place.

"No. I don't want to hear a word you have to say." You're trying to stay strong but you're breaking up inside. Not even that--you're so far past broken. You're so absolutely shattered that you probably couldn't see the pieces under a microscope. How can she possibly have the nerve to fucking cry in front of you? This is her fault, not yours. Fuck, don't look at her. You love her and you can't stand seeing her cry but she's crying and no, don't feel bad for her. But you have to. You can't not feel bad.

God, why can't any part of this whole fucked up relationship business be easy? It took months of sitting and waiting and watching her every move and listening to every word she said and then going to bed at night and thinking about every single thing she'd said and done before you finally had the courage to kiss her. And even then, you still weren't together.

Yes, you were obsessed. You couldn't even try to deny it. You were so, so obsessed with her. You saw pictures of people and decided whether or not they were pretty based on how much they looked like her. You stayed up for hours and just writing "Carly loves Sam" hundreds of times in tiny pink letters all over what must be a half dozen notebooks by now. If you were ever in close proximity with a pen, before you knew what was happening her named was all over your arms. When she got sick and wasn't in school and her mom wouldn't let you in her house to see her, you'd sit in your room and by the fourth day away from her you'd be crying, your arms covered in her name like always and your legs covered with, "I miss you"

And then you finally got together and it was perfect. It was so fucking perfect. You'd go to school and even though she wasn't out yet and she was scared that people would hate her if the knew, the sideways glances and blushing smiles in the middle of classes were more than enough to keep you smiling. How she'd play with your fingers under tables and she'd grab your hands and run them up her thigh whenever there wasn't a light on in a classroom. You didn't really know how you managed to keep breathing at times like that, your breath catching in your throat and your face turning bright red. She's just sit there and giggle and if nobody was looking she'd kiss you on the cheek and grin and then turn around and act like she hadn't done anything at all, but your hand would still be there.

She'd take you to bathrooms and the second she'd made sure that there wasn't anybody else in there, she'd push you into a stall and up against a wall and kiss you. Hard. And you'd kiss her back and her hands were in your hair and yours were under her shirt.

You'd go home and she'd run off to the kitchen and the first time you hadn't really thought anything about it at all, and then all of a sudden she's back and she'd curled up next to you and she's feeding you spoonfuls of icecream. And thank god the blinds were closed, because she might've noticed your eyes watering.

And then Freddie called you today and he said nervously, "You remember that time I said that I fucked Sam?" and you can tell that something's coming after this and you're not going to like it and you think you know what it is and you can feel your stomach tying itself in knots and you feel like you're dying.

You're trying to say something to that but you can't even find the words and you know what he's going to say, because it's not like he'd bring that up and then ask cheerfully, "Can I come over? I think I left my chemistry book at your place," and it wasn't as though he would ever ask to come over anyway. All you can do is make a choking noise and he's saying, obviously before he changes his mind or chickens out or decides that he really should just ask to pick up his chemistry book, because it's sitting right next to you, "I wasn't joking."

You're screaming. You're screaming and screaming and you're telling him to never talk to you again and you hate him and you hate her and you can't stop screaming and the phone's across the room in pieces and you don't know how it got there but you just know that it's there and you're crying and you're falling onto the couch and you're holding the pillow because you don't trust anybody who can actually listen not to stab you in the back so you're crying to the pillow.

And you're slamming your face into the couch cushions and you're trying to muffle the sound of your own choked sobs because you know that she's supposed to be here any second and you can't look weak and you just want her to leave and why would she do this to you? Why would she fucking do this to you?

And she's walking in the door and you're just telling her that you know and that you want her out and that you don't ever want her near you again.

"Why would I ever--" But you won't let her talk. She's not allowed to talk because if she talks then you're going to have to hear her perfect voice and you're going to fall for her all over again and you're going to have to hear her perfect voice cracking and you can't. You just can't. Just get her out and make her go away. The less time you have to spend around her the faster you can just get over it and forget about it and just stop yourself from hurting as much as you do right now.

"How am I supposed to know?" Don't shake. Don't shake. Don't crack. It's all you can think. Anything else makes you think of her.

God, but she's crying. She isn't making any noise but she's crying and she's shaking and she's trying to take a step towards you but she's stopping and she's just crying. Her lip's still bleeding but she's not even bothering trying to hide it anymore. "He's lyin--"

You won't even let her finish that. You won't even let her finish because you can't doubt yourself even the tiniest bit and no matter how sure you are on something you've always taken her opinion over yours in a heartbeat and you can't let her finish saying anything because if you do you'll believe her.

She's looking at you and there's tears all over her cheeks and her eyeliner's running but you still can't help but think that she's so fucking beautiful. She's so fucking goddamn beautiful. Why would somebody like her ever stay with somebody like you? And now she's turning and she's leaving and she's shouting over her shoulder that he's a liar and it's just because he likes you and he wants her gone, and if you're going to believe him then fine, she's gone.

She's gone. She's gone.

And you want her to come back already even if it is true.

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It's short. I know XD I kinda felt like doing a story without a happy ending for once.. D: It's based a lot on how me and my (ex) girlfriend broke up. . I was in Sam's position. Just.. if you're interested. :D

Hm.. I think I did pretty okay for 45 minutes. :3 Well.. I'll see what you guys think, I guess.

Review? Pretty please? I'll give you a cat! :D