It was a tiny, dirty bar in a nameless town

"Falling past

Memories

Falling like

Autumn floating

Down stream."

It was a tiny, dirty bar in a nameless town. The kind of place that was just waiting to be shut down by the health department. The drinks were cheap and watered down, not nearly enough to get drunk off of. The only sounds to be heard were the shot glasses hitting the bar. People didn't come here to bare their souls. No one sought company here, outside of a cheap night in bed with a stranger that you would never see again. They came for the bottle. The worthless strength that alcohol could give, if you were lucky. It was hell to most people, but to her it was perfection.

This was her comfort zone, her atmosphere. Empty and barely holding together. She had always known that with her lifestyle it was wise to make friends with the rats. And you wouldn't find much else here. Just a hole in the middle of nowhere filled with rats and inexpensive liquor. But she wasn't here for either. Tonight was a goodbye to herself, a grand finale of sorts. Tomorrow was a day for beginnings, but it would have to wait until the bright sunlight of a new day. "You're late."

"Why are we meeting here anyway? It's so… depressing." Her blonde companion flagged down the bartender, ordering them each a drink. "Although I guess it's appropriate, right? We did just bury my husband."

"He wouldn't want—."

"No, Claudia, it's okay. I have to get used to it, right? Like, Hello. My name is Maxie Zacharra and my husband is…" She couldn't finish. She could feel herself dissolving into nothing again. She fought the tears back, taking a shot of tequila. Her long blonde hair was pulled back from her face. The black dress made her skin look even paler than normal. Johnny's death had destroyed them both, but Claudia wouldn't cry. She could only let a part of herself die with her brother and watch out for his wife.

"He loved you, kiddo." Claudia murmured, her fingers wrapping around the scotch Maxie had ordered for her. Her long black hair fell freely around her face. A curtain to shield her from wandering eyes. "It took me awhile to figure out why… But I know that he has loved you since day one. It's all I ever heard about. His blonde goddess.

"Yeah, he loved me. But he never loved anyone more than his big sister. You were the reason the world spun." It hurt, even now, to say it, to admit that Johnny had loved Claudia more. But he would've died a long time ago without his sister to protect him. And then Maxie would've missed out on the chance of a lifetime. "It was a brief glimpse of heaven, wasn't it?"

"Oh, are we waxing poetic now?" Claudia finished her second scotch. Maxie bit down on her bottom lip, fighting the inevitable tears. Claudia wrapped her arms around her sister. "Blondie, you're allowed to miss him. You can scream, cry, and want to disappear… You've earned it."

"Do I get to have my husband back? Have I earned that? Because if you're about to say no, then I really don't give a damn." Maxie slammed down her shot glass and sighed. A broken, hollow sound. "Let's go."

It wasn't a question. They both knew that Claudia wouldn't argue with her brother's grieving widow. She tossed some money onto the bar and followed Maxie out to the waiting car service. Neither of them spoke on their way back to Claudia's villa. Clothes littered the floor, wall to wall. But they didn't care. Johnny had always been the neat freak in the family. Their reason for living was dead. How could anything ever matter again?

--

"I wish I could carry you

In my arms

But we faltered

To think

How this could be."

"You're running away? Just like that? Were you even going to bother to say goodbye?" Jason turned at the sound of her voice, breaking over the words. He braced himself for another battle. Sam McCall had never run from a fight in her life. And he knew she sure as hell wasn't about to start now. It's one of the many reasons that he loved her. And also one of the major reasons he had to leave her.

"I said goodbye two months ago when you were shot in my arms, Sam. I let you go the second that I knew you were going to live." He could still see her blood all over his hands. It just wouldn't wash away.

"Right. I forgot. It's more fun to kill me slowly, from the inside out."

"You know damn well that I'm doing this to protect you. I never wanted to see you hurt." Jason had to curl his fingers into a tight fist. If only he had been able to protect her. If only the shooter hadn't missed his mark. If only… But none of his hoping would turn back time or change what he knew he had to do. "Sam, think back to when we lost--… To when your daughter died. Would you have done anything if there had been a way to keep her safe?"

"I would've paid any price to protect my little girl." Anger bubbled inside of her. He could see it in her eyes. She felt backed into a corner and was probably seconds from lashing out blindly. She would attack anyone that got in her path of self-destruction. Pain was a powerful thing.

"So, you have to understand that I would do the same thing."

"I'm not a child, Jason! I'm not innocent or naïve. I know that your job is dangerous. That's a risk I'm willing to take." Her eyes were filled with unshed tears. But she was too proud to let them fall. She was too damn angry. Her world was crumbling to pieces at her feet. She had lost two daughters and now Jason was turning his back on her. Everything she had believed in felt like they were all lies.

"And what if I can't do that? We never thought about it. I had prepared you for this life to kill me. But I never thought, for a second, that it would take you away from me." The words brought back wave after wave of painful memories. He could still taste the antiseptic from the hospital. He could feel her limp hand clutched desperately in his. His head ached from the persistent beeping of her heart monitor. "No. I can't do it. You don't understand, Sam. I have to leave. And then you'll finally be safe."

Sam watched him throw a duffel bag into the back of the S.U.V. She could barely breathe. How could it still be so painful? She felt like her life was being siphoned from her very veins. "Jason. I figured it out."

"What?"

"Why I slept so much better in your apartment." The tears streaked freely down her cheeks. She struggled to force air in and out of her lungs. "You make me feel safe."

"Sam." Jason had barely turned around when she flew into his arms. It felt right to hold her so tightly, to feel her heart beat against his. She fit into him like no one else ever had. But they both knew that this was it. Their life together would end with the same words it had started with. He pressed a hard kiss to her forehead.

"Go. Before I change my mind and do something ridiculously stupid." Sam watched him nod slowly, releasing her reluctantly. She stood there helplessly until he had driven out of sight, out of her life once and for all.