Disclaimer: Own Twilight, I do not.
A/N: During Bella's lifeless period.
I dressed in my jeans and tightly secured a belt to the waist. Everything I did was in a daze, barely noticing anything. I knew I lost weight – that's why I needed the belt – and I also knew I was only living for Charlie, now. I was living, but just scarcely.
I opened my un-oiled window and sat on the sill, swinging my legs to the side so I was sitting directly on the sill, my knees curled up to my chest, stray tears sliding down my drawn cheeks.
"Edward," I whispered to the starry sky. Saying his name hurt like hell, tearing deeper into my hollow body.
I silently studied the stars. They never changed… like them. Some twinkled, and some just shone. It was empty, though. The moon, a small waning crescent, appeared broken and limp, hanging by a lone spider's web. It resembled me, in a way. All alone, up there, in our night sky. Only saying 'Hello' to the people of Earth at night, when no one could see you.
At the same time – it could shine. It could be your light in the dark, to help you home. It had it's own life, waning and waxing. The moon could become full – the happiest time for it, to show the world it's beauty and enjoy every moment. But that period had to end, and it would become smaller, darker, leaving creatures no hint it was there.
The moon had it's own life, and it had it's ups and downs… like humans.
A raven squawked and landed in the almost-barren tree by my window. His ebony feather's glinted in the moonlight as he gazed at me, sensing my helplessness, my agony. Then, he followed my gaze to the moon in front of us, being partly covered by clouds – just another challenge for it to overcome.
The raven suddenly looked back at me and opened its beak. I straightened my back and dried my tears with the back of my hand.
"Yes?" I must be going crazy – I'm talking to a bird, a raven to be exact. He closed his beak and pointed to a flashing star. It wasn't a helicopter… just a star. A ball of gases that could burn you. One second, it would shine. Another, it would fade completely. I sighed; it would always return though.
What was this raven trying to tell me?
"Edward… if you're out there… I-I still love you. I promise not to search for you." I was crying once more, something I was getting used to.
The bird let out a cry and flapped its wings jumping on the branch. He snapped his mouth and then stopped. Did he want me to talk, or not?
I opened my mouth to simulate talking and he repeated his earlier fit. Okay, no talking.
He looked back to the sky, and settled in, watching clouds pass, stars blink. I looked for constellations, to keep my mind off my lifeless… well… life.
We sat and sat for a while, and in a blink of an eye, the raven was flying off into the forest. Great, I thought, I can't even be in the presence of a raven for long. But soon, he was back, with twigs and leaves. He started to arrange them in a circle.
Oh! He was a she, and she was building a nest.
I sat quietly and watched her construct her home. A ghost of a smile lit my face as she handled everything with care – love. I cringed as a metamorphic blade dug into my heart, cutting everything holding it together.
I always saw Edward – wince – and my relationship as a vine wrapped around my heart. His vine, full of life, constricted my heart, and my own weaved through it, holding it in place. I was now sobbing profusely. Then, during those few days before he left, those vines frosted over and pushed my 'arms' away. Little did he know, that frost touched my heart, and once he dropped it… it shattered.
"Bella?" Charlie was standing in the doorway, looking worried. "Is there anything I can do?" I shook my head and glanced down at my hands, and then back out the window.
"Alright," he sighed, "Keep on with your silent conversation."
And that's what I called my nights like this. The nights with the raven, the moon, the stars, and silence.
My silent conversations with the night.
