Self Analysis
By
Mrsrossino4
Yes kids, this is something a little different. After observing Reid's behavior since last season, I have to wonder how all of these emotions play into his recovery program. This is my interpretation of how he may be thinking/feeling about the entire Prentiss issue. Thank you to my husband's ex-stepmother Gail for reminding me it's good to step outside the box and try something different.
My sponsor tells me it is important when struggling with an issue that could drive me to use drugs again I must write a letter expressing my feelings before they consume me. I am feeling so many different things right now I don't know where to begin. I know the first thing is I can't use my normal elevated vocabulary because it just doesn't seem appropriate in this situation. I have to step back and analyze everything carefully, making it as simple as possible.
But, in my opinion, there is nothing simple about betrayal.
Where do I even begin? I considered this team as my family, as people that I could count on and would never lie to me. They led me to believe my friend and comrade had been killed. I carried her coffin. I stopped at her grave every day. Now, I discover it was all a lie.
Emily, why would you betray me? I thought you trusted me. Above everyone else on this team, you said you could trust me to keep any secret. Why did you not trust me with this one? I carried your coffin, spiraled into the depths of depression, yet it was for nothing? My intellect understands the reason, but my heart can't. Am I perceived as being weak, vulnerable, unable to protect you?
Hotch, you tried your best to take Gideon's place when we left. That in itself was a huge betrayal of my trust. Even after so many years, I still resent him for leaving me. I feel like all father figures in my life abandon me. You told me to keep the faith in the team, keep my faith in you. I did as you asked, and this is how you repay me? You put me through months of hell, not even understanding you were compromising my sobriety? Maybe it is selfish, but it's how I feel.
Morgan, I know you were as much in the dark as I was, but you forgave too quickly. You strut around here with a smile on your face, laughing and joking with the people who hurt us the most. I expected you, above all others, to be sympathetic to my plight. I see now you are not one to be counted on either. You will always side with them.
Rossi, you too were in the dark yet admit you had suspicions. You approached me several times to try to help me. Why couldn't you have shared your suspicions with me? They might not have been real, but it would have been something to keep me sane.
Garcia, you are the only one I can trust at this point. I know you well enough to say that this was a total shock to you as well. I know you are a bit cold toward them as I am, and I thank you for showing compassion for my plight. You are a genuinely kind soul.
Now I turn to the last person. JJ, you hurt me more than anyone else. For ten weeks I came to your house every night, crying. You gave me comfort and kept me from relapsing. I never told you that until a few days ago, yet you still said nothing. Oh sure, you said sorry, but too little too late. I've always had feelings for you, but have graciously stepped aside for others. I am godfather to your son, and yet you still ignored how this would affect me. I am angry and honestly don't know how to forgive you.
All I can say is I question my future with the BAU. How can I do my job when surrounded by people I can no longer trust? Where do I go from here? How do I forgive this betrayal?
Yes, it is short, but hopefully interesting. If there is enough feedback, I might to a follow up piece to this. Feel free to review and leave constructive criticism. Flamers will be laughed at.
