A/N: I have worked with Alzheimer's patients for several years. It is something that is awful and can destroy a family. But you also see the parts of people that no matter what the disease does to them, they hold on to. This was written based on one of my favorite patients. He still ask for his wife every day. Tells her goodnight when he falls asleep. He doesn't recognize many people anymore, but just say her name and it makes his whole face light up. Reviews are always welcome!
My father was the man who was there for everyone, no matter what. We were never super close, he was always closer with Rose then me, but I still thought I knew him. I mean he was my dad. Children know their parents, especially ones who have parents like mine.
But I missed something in all the time that I knew him. I knew my father for all of my fifty-one years. And I knew he loved my mother, I knew that they were always embarrassing us when we were little and how no matter how much they bickered, they always ended up laughing and
embarrassing us some more. Even now when I have my own kids to embarrass, they still sometimes caught me by surprise. But I didn't realize until now how much he loved her.
They would have been married for 60 years this year. They have talked about taking a big trip for as long as I can remember. And even though in the end we knew that there was no way she was going to make it, they still joked about that trip. Somewhere warm, somewhere where as
dad put it, "they could let it all hang out". Despite the fact that they were both in their late 80s, they were going to celebrate like when they were teenagers.
But not anymore…
Everyone else knew she wasn't going to get better. Uncle Harry visited her every day no matter what. He always made sure to come and spend a few hours with her. They would talk with Dad about everything from their first years at Hogwarts to the antics of their many grandchildren. But he knew. He knew that despite all that magic could do, it couldn't stop the disease. But then again, Uncle Harry grew up not expecting magic to fix everything for him.
Rose and I made sure we came as often as possible. We were there at least every other day. We wanted to make sure that she was never alone. But we really didn't need to worry. Dad never left. I didn't realize until she finally faded away how hard he had been avoiding the truth.
My father, the man I had never sees cry, never seen show any fear, collapsed. He just gave up. He sat there holding her hand and begging her not to leave him. When the doctors called us
to tell us it was getting bad, I never realized they weren't only talking about my mom. She looked beautiful. Despite all the pain, she died smiling, holding on to his hand, and softly telling him she loved him. But again sixty years sounds like a lot of time, but watching my father break made it seem impossibly short.
Uncle Harry stopped me from going to him. He wouldn't even let Rose go to him.
"He needs to deal with it. Nothing either of you is going to make this any easier for him. Nothing is going to make it hurt less. When it comes down to it, he is alone."
I didn't understand then. But I do now. He wasn't being cruel. He was making us realize what he knew all along. Dad may have been sitting there, but he died with mom. And we going to him would just prolong the inevitable. Dad would have to realize that she wasn't going to come back. It wasn't a joke.
Don't get me wrong. He didn't do anything like follow her into death. My father knew that she would strangle him for leaving us alone. I mean, what about her grandchildren? But, he just no longer fully seemed to be there. He would smile if the kids said something funny, and he would still go flying with Uncle Harry. But, it was like he was going through the motions.
Looking back, I guess none of us ever say how much she held Dad and Uncle Harry together. I mean Uncle Harry loves Aunt Ginny, but he wasn't right after Mom died either. Both of them would run into a problem and start to turn to ask her, even though she wasn't there. They would stop for a minute, before turning back to whatever they were discussing, but for that moment, you could see the part of them that was missing. I don't think they even noticed when they stood talking; they always left a space in between for her, as if Mom would pop in with some random information that would solve all their problems. I thought maybe as time went on it would stop, but it's been a year. They still do it.
I even asked Aunt Ginny about it, and she just told me that it is has always been like that. Even when she married Uncle Harry, there was still a part of him that would always belong to the Golden Trio. She didn't even seem upset about it, just resigned. She once told me "Those three were soul mates. Now Harry loves me, and we all love our children with everything we have, but they were never as whole as when they were together. They were meant to find each other in life, and I know she will wait for them in death. She will greet the rest of us, but she will wait for them. And so now we have to try and hold together two people who have lost a part of their souls. One day they will be at peace again."
Rose tried to convince Dad to move in with her, but he refused. He said he likes his independence. But I think it's more than that. I don't think he has gotten rid of any of Moms stuff. We offered to help and he said he could take care of it. But I know her books are still there in the living room. I check each time I go and the book mark hasn't been moved from the last one she started. I know she must have hated the fact she couldn't finish that book.
Again, I knew he loved her. But when she got diagnosed, I assumed he would miss her, and he would be devastated when she finally did lose the fight. I guess I was being naïve. He just… quit.
And now I think we are going to lose him to. Physical he is just as fit as he always was, but mentally, sometimes he seems to forget things. The doctors say some muggles get a disease that causes this. They start by forgetting little things, and then it eventually get worse, and they are stuck in the past. I tried to explain that dad wasn't muggle born, he was a pure blood as it could get, but all they would tell me is that sometimes when wizards suffer from traumatic loss their magic can turn on them. Destroy the things that are causing the problems. They said that apparently the idea of living without Mom was so difficult for him to handle that his magic started making him forget that she wasn't there.
It's not just the forgetting things. I could deal with that, we would just have him move in with Rose. Especially after he forgot to put out the fire in the fireplace and almost caught the house on fire, we knew he would have to come stay with us eventually. But today, today he asked me when Mom was coming home. He kept going on and on about how she was working too hard, and how she was going to make herself sick if she didn't take a break soon. I should have let him go on believing that she was coming home. But I was too shocked to think, so I ended up reminding him she died over a year ago. That was when he pulled his wand on me for making jokes about things that weren't funny. If Uncle Harry hadn't come through the floo at that moment and stunned him I don't know what I would have done, or what he would have done to me.
It was in that moment that I realized I didn't know my dad like I thought. I never would have thought that the idea of losing my mom would be so horrifying that he would willingly fight for her memory, for the illusion that she wasn't dead. I miss my mother, but I didn't realize until now that I was going to miss my father as well.
Uncle Harry eventually admitted that he knew Dad was slowly losing his grip on reality. He said sometimes when they would talk he would mention things he needed to do for Mom. He said he didn't tell us because he thought it would be longer before the rest of us triggered flashbacks, and memories.
Dad now stays with Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny. Rose couldn't take him when we were worried he would freak out again, and her kids are too young to constantly watch what they say. He has good days and bad days. Some days he knows she's gone, and others he keeps either waiting for her to come home, or lately he started talking to her like she was still there. Uncle Harry has me cover over if I can on the days he talks to her. Sometimes he sees me, other times it is like I am not even there. He sees Uncle Harry sometimes, but when he does I don't think he is seeing the same person I am. He seems to be seeing him as they were when they were younger. Rose doesn't like it when he talks to her, it always makes her upset. I guess the fact that I wasn't as close to him as she was makes it easier for me to be thankful that he is happy. He may not know who Rose or I are all the time, but he has Mom.
The doctors can't tell us how long he has left. He may stay like this for years, or his magic may continue to turn on him until he's finally gone. I miss my father more and more every day. And just like with Mom, there is nothing I can do to stop him from leaving. And just like when we lost Dad when Mom died, I wonder what will happen to Uncle Harry if he is alone, the last of the golden trio. I know many people look at what's happened to Dad and even Uncle Harry as a tragedy and it is. But they are also some of the luckiest people alive. They met their soul mates when they were eleven years old. And despite years of hardships, then growing up and having different lives, they always knew that the others were there. And one day they will all be together again.
I miss my mother. I miss her for me, for how she could fix every situation, and how she always had an answer. But I also miss her because without her, it seems I lost my father and my uncle. My Aunt Ginny lost her brother and parts of her husband. We all miss her, but we also miss what they were together. I look forward to the day that I can see them whole again.
