Title: Bartering
Pairings: none
Genre: Humor
Rating: PG13 for Grimmjow's sailor mouth
Summary: Orihime finds herself missing the comforts of home while in Las Noches. So, she decides to do some bartering with the only things she has on her: a necklace, her keys, a Japanese-English dictionary, a marker and a disposable camera.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, KODAK disposable cameras, Mickey Mouse or Sharpies. All I own are a few episodes of Bleach on my computer, one KODAK disposable camera in my dresser drawer, one Mickey Mouse alarm clock and three red Sharpies. So don't sue!
Chapter 1 – For the Alarm Clock
Orihime awoke to what could only be described as a cross between a banshee shriek and a microphone being shredded against a cheese grater on triple-amp speakers. Following that, several loud curses could be heard from just outside her door, mainly consisting of "piece of shit" and "fuck you sideways".
She sighed. Mornings were always the same in Las Noches. Same wakeup call, same petty arguments amongst the arrancar, and the same rantings and ravings from Grimmjow. Most revolved around Ulquiorra, and she was reminded of the old methods teachers had used in elementary school when two children couldn't co-exist peacefully. She had seen students be separated for one reason or another on the playground, and she felt the same principle would work wonders for Grimmjow and Ulquiorra.
She found herself idly wishing for her alarm clock. Perhaps if she could wake up to the sound of Mickey Mouse's voice wishing her a 'Good morning! Time to wake up!', she would feel a bit more positive than she did after waking up at six on the dot to Grimmjow's howling.
Her door creaked open ominously. "Good morning, Grimmjow!" she said as cheerily as she could under the circumstances.
"Why are you always awake at this hour, bitch?"
Orihime giggled. "Well, it's kinda hard to sleep through the racket you make every morning. And why would you want me to be asleep if you're coming in here to whine… I mean… complain… uh…"
She winced as Grimmjow scowled. "I'm not whining!" he snapped.
"I didn't mean that!" she squeaked. "I just woke up; I'm sorry. I'm not thinking clearly." When Grimmjow didn't reply, she dared to ask another question. "So, what's with all the noise every morning?"
Grimmjow growled under his breath. "Blame Ulquiorra. He feels it's imperative that I wake up at six every fucking morning, whether I want to or not."
"What for?"
"That's exactly what I asked him! But he just pulls that 'Aizen-sama says so' crap!" He punched the wall. "I usually wait until he leaves then go back to bed, but lately he's caught on."
Orihime sighed. It sounded like when her brother tried to get her up for school when she was little. Juvenile. "Do you have work to do or something?"
"No! All I have to do is wander around, tired and bored out of my friggen skull!" He sat on the floor against the wall, still muttering to himself.
"Is that why you come in here, then?" she asked. "I can entertain you a bit, I suppose."
Grimmjow glared at her. "You are anything but entertaining, bitch. You're just the only one who doesn't nag me or annoy the piss out of me."
Orihime was suddenly struck by an idea. "I know something you could do, Grimmjow!" she exclaimed.
"Yeah? What?"
"I've got some things on me I'd like to trade."
Grimmjow looked mildly interested. "For what?"
Orihime unfastened a necklace she'd been wearing. "I'll give you this necklace if you fetch my Mickey Mouse alarm clock from my house."
"What the hell would I want with a necklace?" Grimmjow sneered.
Orihime's eyes sparkled. "Well, it's really shiny, and if you hold the pendant in the sunlight, it makes little rainbows on the floor!"
"I'll repeat, what the hell would I want with a shiny rainbow necklace?"
"Oh, right…" Orihime pulled her purse up off the floor. "Well, let's see what else I have…" She dug through the bag, looking for something interesting. "Um, I have a Sharpie! You draw on things with it and the ink never comes off!"
"Never, you say?" Grimmjow asked, intrigued.
"Nope! See? It says 'permanent'." Orihime pointed to the marker's label.
Grimmjow's face split into a wicked grin. "You've got a deal, bitch. I'll get your rat clock. Where is it?"
Orihime clapped happily. "It's on a table by my bed. Go upstairs and it's the first room on your left."
1111
"Grimmjow, where are you going?" Ulquiorra asked monotonously.
Choosing his words carefully, Grimmjow answered. "None of your fuckin' business."
"Aizen-sama asked you to—" began Ulquiorra before Grimmjow cut him off.
"I won't be gone long, Mommy. I have to fetch a talking rat clock from someone's house in exchange for an unerasable marker." This had the exact desired effect for Grimmjow.
Ulquiorra blinked several times, then shook his head. "Wait, you what?"
"You must be really slow today. I'll be back eventually."
Author's note: So, my first Bleach fanfic. Most of what I know about the series is through fanfiction and wikipedia, and I can count the number of full episodes I've seen on one hand. If all that is painfully obvious in this fanfic, please tell me. I tried to keep everyone somewhat in character, so if you have any advice for me, please leave a review. Feedback (positive or negative) is always greatly appreciated!
OH! One question! When Orihime was at Las Noches, was she in a cell or... or what? I haven't seen that part yet, sadly. (if you couldn't tell...)
