You, my friend, have just purchased an Left 4 Dead character. You must have saved up numerous pennies and done tons of chores. Congradulations. You may pat yourself on the back.

You have purchased - ELLIS

1. Your ELLIS is a chatterbox and will talk excessivly. We advise that you don't keep your ELLIS around NICKs for long periods of time.

2. Your ELLIS will worship a man in a jumpsuit and 4 biker-rejects now band members. Don't be alarmed. This is perfectly normal.

3. Your ELLIS will attempt to have a relationship with a ZOEY. Don't worry. An eventual NICK will sabotage any chances of this happening.

4. Your ELLIS is an optimist, so don't be weirded out if he's smiling all the time. It's not because he wants to rape you...or is it?

5. Your ELLIS is prone to dragging a KEITH into your home. We advice that you call the cops if this ever happens. ELLIS needs to advoid prolonged exposure to KEITHs.

6. Your ELLIS will continually try to win the attention of any nearby NICKs and will continue to do so for long periods of time. We advise that if you do not approve of this, keep your ELLIS away from any NICKs.

7. Your ELLIS will function happily if there is a MIDNIGHT RIDER around. We strongly advise buying a MIDNIGHT RIDER extension pack for prolonged happiness.

8. The same goes for the JIMMY GIBBS JR. extension pack.

9. Your ELLIS might try to fix old, broken cars in your neighborhood. Do not be alarmed. This is normal for him.

10. Your ELLIS loves amusements parks and will function happily if you take him to one every 6 months. (This is doctor reccomended)

Extension Packs For - ELLIS

MIDNIGHT RIDER extension pack (will make your Ellis happier, but expect lots of rock&roll)

JIMMY GIBBS JR. extension pack (WARNING: Do not buy the ZOMBIEFIED JIMMY GIBBS JR. extension pack as this will result in extreme depression)

The I WANNA PLEASE NICK'S ASS extension pack (will result in your ELLIS parading around all day, trying to do whatever pleases a NICK)

FAQ for - ELLIS

Q My ELLIS keeps running around saying, "Every lady's crazy when her daddy's not around." What do I do?

A This is perfectly normal. Let him do as he pleases. Or, if it bothers you too much, tell that the band is a fake and lip-synchs. That'll shut him up.

Q My ELLIS is acting all weird and nervous and keeps asking me if he should leave his hat on or off. What's wrong?

A There is most likey a ZOEY around. We advise buying a NICK to put your ELLIS in his place. Works everytime.

Q My ELLIS won't stop telling me stories about some weird guy! WHAT DO I DO?

A There is obviously a hidden KEITH somewhere in your house. Call the cops. Immediatly.

Q My ELLIS keeps cussing me insanely and is making me suicidal...what's wrong with him?

A OOPS! We must've accidently installed a NICK hardrive into your ELLIS. Return him to us and we'll repair him immediatly.

Left 4 Dead belongs to VALVe

All REAL tweeks and questions about the game go to VALVe

This is a parody. Nothing more.

OTHER CHARACTERS IN THE SERIES

NICK

ROCHELLE

COACH

ZOEY

BILL

LOUIS

FRANCIS

KEITH

HUNTER

WITCH

And many more to come! Keep an eye out for others!