WARNING: Here thar be spoilers for Origins ending.

Disclaimer: Alas, I do not own Dragon Age

Dead. Gone. It's funny how one doesn't realize that when a loved one…dies that they are gone. That's it. No more. Forever.

That's what he was now, Alistair. He was gone. And I let him die… I was a coward. I should have made the last blow. He was meant to be Ferelden's king, not its savior. I alone should have walked that path. I had walked that path up until that moment.

Just one more moment…if I had kept up the strong face for just a few more seconds… He'd be alive. Sure, I'd be dead. But anything would be better than this. At least I could be comforted by the fact that he would still be alive, healthy and where he rightfully should be; on Ferelden's throne.

But no, I didn't keep along my rightful path. With a weak, blood covered smile I promised I'd never forget him. He nodded at me, keeping a strong face but his eyes betrayed how scared he really was. We were all scared. We were all afraid to die.

But that was no excuse for letting Alistair take the fall.

Gone…..

Anora, Queen Anora, breaks me out of my reverie. Looking up with wide eyes I realize we've reached the Landsmeet again. Well…not so much have we just reached it as I've been standing here like a zombie as Anora gives her final speech on the end of the Blight.

Anora asks what I plan to do now. My eyes widen even more, if that's possible, and I realize that I should give an answer. My pulse races and my thoughts swarm. What am I going to do?

He's gone, dead forever. I can't go home, it's no longer home. Alistair was home.

I have no purpose, now that the Blight is over. Alistair was my purpose.

Before now I had never thought what I would do if I survived the Blight. I had definitely never considered losing my home, my purpose, my person in the Blight and living through it…

And suddenly, it all stops. I see clarity. There was something I could do. Something I would do.

"I'm going to travel….at least for a bit…" I say with a calm, measured voice. The next few hours pass in a blur. Hell, the next few weeks pass in a blur.

Here I am. I've reached my purpose…for the moment. The Deep Roads. Running through the dark pathways, covered in dirt, my blood and darkspawn blood I slash wildly with my sword, travelling deeper and deeper into this Sanctuary.

I've been to hell and back more times than anyone should. The Deep Roads is comforting. Soon I am overwhelmed. I feel their blades slash through my armor, into my skin. Feel my blood rush from my body. Hear their monstrous shrieks of delight.

And soon I'm falling.

And it's getting hard to see.

And I feel weak.

And I drop my sword.

And soon I can't hear anything.

And soon I can't see anything.

And soon I can't feel anything.

And…

And…

And…

"Have I ever told you how much I really love cheese?" He holds out our rose to me.

And I laugh.