R rated. Lime and other issues. Angst.

(30/04/2003 This was written after a very angst drama class, we're close so we share things with each other. Two girl revealed memories today that mad them cry, and Hotaru nearly cried as well, we were also working on a play on isolation (VERY ANGSTY). After that I had a million thoughts and emotions so I smashed them into this fic. So I apologize for the fracturedness, it's just what I'm feeling, and probably Hotaru. Very rough cause I'm writing this all at once and posting it.)

~Splintered song~

Stupid son of a bitch! How dare you! Before I met you I was the best in my troupe. A perfect symphony, not letting my past throw shadows around me. I sang in perfect harmony with the life I'd been given.

And now look at me! See what you've done? You've ruined me, taken my heart, shredded it, and then carefully sewn it back together. Can't you see that every time you order me to your rooms, to 'discus tactical issues'?

And every time that I'm on my back, blinking up at you and wondering how I got here, you smile... not that smirk, but a REAL smile. You're slipping, if you let me see that emotion.

I don't know how we got into this arrangement. You'd seen me one night without my make up, my shield. The next night at the same time you first ordered me to 'discuss plans' and I, the stupid fool that I am, went in hopes to please you into trusting me. Your summons were not unexpected, during the day you had discovered my skill at tactical warfare, had told me that you could use the skills to help with battle plans.

You showed me the maps, and while I was looking at them, you moved behind me, then you put you arms around me. So warm, so soft, your hair brushed against my bare cheek. I stiffened, questioned you name, you merely smiled against my neck, before slowing kissing it. I fought, memories that hadn't affected me in ages, surging up into my mind. So I struggled and tried to run, you tripped me and I went sprawling onto you bed. That's when I knew I was trapped. And as you caressed my face you said the one word that I hadn't heard in a lifetime. "Beautiful".

~*~*~

Yes, I know I'm beautiful, I get my looks from my mother, like you get yours, so I must be beautiful. They all think that my father is my adopted one, not true. They all think I never knew my mother, also not true. My mother cared for me to the end, she was never able to defend me against the older actors... but she always tried, and had nearly every bone in her body broken at one time or another. My father couldn't stop them, but he always got the best healer he could to take care of us, it hurt him that he couldn't defend us. My mother was happy, she didn't care that I was born out of wedlock, and I always remember her metallic gold eyes glimmering at me with pride and love as I achieved something. No body knows about Higashi Irona, a girl of fourteen, who ran away from her husband when an opera performer who had captured her heart impregnated her. Ryuo Chuin, my 'adopted' father, and my mother were very happy together until the end.

The end? The end was when the godamned Kuto soldiers attacked us. They came without warning when I was ten, ripping the tents, killing the men and women. My father fell defending my mother, the woman he'd stolen from another, and then the Kuto soldiers saw her, with her long silver-black hair and blazing gold eyes, she looked like a goddess.

I told you once before that my past was like yours, this is where it's nearly identical. Except my mother, she was spared the torture of rape... just the sight of them daring to touch her sent me into a rage, blue light streaked the air, and then all I remember is vines, screams and blood.

When I came to my senses all the soldiers were dead. My mother got to her feet, ignoring the gapping hole where her heart should have been. She kissed me softly on the forehead. Told me that she loved me, then she died.

~*~*~

So as I lay there listening to you whispering in my ear, all these memories that I'd suppressed came rushing back. But you knew, and you soothed me, kissing me and holding me until I needed you.

Then you took me, pain and pleasure, friction of the skin. Your lips were soft and gentle, you acted like another man almost... why?

When I climaxed, you held me, the fact that I climaxed surprised me... I'd never been taken by anyone who cared about that.

But you didn't take me did you? You made love to me... that's what you told me... and I begin to believe it sometimes... especially when you kiss my neck and bury your face in my hair (which you always compare to moonlight), telling me that I'm more beautiful than anything you've ever seen.

So now, the song I sing is a fractured one, splintered then pieced together, still beautiful while discordant. It weaves its way around the song that you sing, dark and broken melody that it is, trying to harmonise... sometimes it does.

So here we are, at the gates of rebirth, you hold my hand and smile at me, my heart begins to beat faster, even though it doesn't really exist. You kiss me once, and whisper words that I've longed to hear, that I wanted to tell you and I saw hovering on you lips many a time. Out of the corner of my eye I see Soi stiffen, but I don't care.

"Wo Ai Ni"

So, on we go to another life, I hope this time I can meet your mother, Seiryuu has already told us that we'll have the same parents. And I hope you meet my mother and father, they would have loved you... most definitely.

So as we move toward a new life I say the words that have plagued me since our meeting.

"Wo Ai Ni"

Your smile was worth it all.

~Owari~