Hold On

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or the characters. Nor do I claim ownership of any of these songs.
The lyrics belong to: Sugar Cult, Michelle Branch, Sarah Mclachlan, Bif Naked, Oasis, and Toad the Wet Sprocket. I just put the lyrics in a different order. They ARE jumbled up.
Summary: I was pissed off at the ending of the 4-29-03 episode, and this is Buffy's P.O.V and foreshadows what may be to come.

At the crossroads I am standing
I am left here to linger in silence
It's better this way, I say, having seen this place before
I'll defend it as long as I can be

I know I'm right. Why can't they see it? I've given my life away to be the Slayer; I died! I've lost friends. My life. My freedom. My lover: Angel. I saved the world, time and time again.

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Of all the things I've believed in I just want to get it over with

And where does it leave me? They just turned their back on me. They think I can't think right? That I'm going to lead them to their deaths? I've kept them safe and alive for this long- seven years- by doing exactly this. And they- my family, friends, mentor- turned against me. Let Faith lead them into a disaster. I warned them.

What could I say to you except I'd give my life for yours?
This is gonna hurt like hell
Feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
You know only time can tell

Is this my thanks? My reward for sacrificing myself for these people? They don't trust me anymore? I'm not better than them- just stronger. And with my duty comes leadership, strength, sacrifice. I will lead to the end. It is my duty. I will be strong to the end. It is my life. I will sacrifice until the end. It is my duty. I will die in the end. It is my life. But better? Think of it how you want. I am better at fighting. Like Anya said, I am luckier. But being "lucky" got me killed twice. I've lost more than I've gained. And now we're all going to die in the end. And no one is behind me.

We are the lucky ones
So I said goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew

A slayer is not a follower. That defeats the whole purpose. If she were to be a follower, she would be an innocent. A girl who doesn't know what goes bump in the night, who has the option of heading towards the exit door. I'm a leader.

She's saying goodbye
And leaving tonight
She's wasted all her lonely teardrops now
She just closed her eyes and imagined everything's alright

Hot tears glide down my face. I still love all of them. I can't trust them now, they've hurt me. Looking back at my home, I realize what I have to do. What no one else can do. Not Willow, with her magic. Not Giles, with his books. Not Anya, Xander, or my sister. Not my sister slayer. Not those wimpy slayer wanna- be's. No one can do this, because it's my duty.

I won't say when I've had enough
Catching teardrops in my hand
When it's quiet and still

Dream a dream she never dies

I'm going to save the world. They don't want to follow me? Fine. I'll do it myself. A Slayer is made to work by herself. This is my battle. And no one is going to tell me I can't fight it, I have to follow, I don't know what I'm doing. Crossing my front lawn, I look back at the house, what I was leaving behind. Hurt, betrayed, loneliness welled up inside me. I won't cry anymore. I have a world to save.

Goodbye.

And when the stars fall I will lie awake.