"I Won't" Depressing, there's your warning. :3 three short chapters. Al has his body back, Mei exists, but Edward is 15 still. fuck logic.


I won't tell you

Edward was depressed. But Winry knew that he was ALWAYS depressed. He had been for years, he hid it well but she could still see it. Now. Now it was like he had given up on hiding it, like he was showing just how sad he truly was. He had gotten Al's body back, he was ecstatic. For a little while. When Al moved to Xing with Mei, Edward returned to his depression.


Winry steeled her nerves in the kitchen, Edward sitting sideways with his knees towards his chest in the recliner in the living room. She was going to ask him, no, DEMAND him to answer her question. She sighed quietly and entered the living room, sitting on her knees in front of the recliner, Edward's head facing sideways like his body, his bangs covering his eyes.

"Ed...?" Winry asked quietly, almost afraid he would break or burst into tears. Edward hummed softly in response, not looking at her. They sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. "...Why are you depressed...?" She question finally, flinching when Edward did. "Don't tell me your not either...please, you can tell me anything Ed..." She said firmly, ending in a soothing voice when Edward jerked slightly, he seemed so fragile now. Silence. It drove Winry insane. They simply looked at each other until Edward finally said, almost too soft to be heard.

"Living...hurts..." Winry's eyes widened, she couldn't process it, she just couldn't.

"W-what...?" Edward arched his neck back into the recliner for a moment before saying it again.

"Living on...it just hurts, Winry..." Winry stood up higher on her knees and rested her hands on his lower leg.

"Why...?" She whispered, Edward had never told her anything about how he felt, she was terrified that this was the first thing to come.

"Everything just hurts...i'm in pain..." Winry could feel herself tearing up.

"Physically...?" She asked, hoping that that was all it was, and that she could fix it. She loved him, she hated to see him leave, hated to see him in pain or suffering in guilt, and hated that he couldn't see it.

"And mentally..." He said quietly, sinking into his legs.

"Where do you hurt? Why didn't you tell anyone?" She asked, worried for him, angry he didn't tell her sooner, saddened he didn't trust her enough to tell her.

"...You said that pain in my ports would be normal..." Winry gasped, she DID say that...

"Your ports hurt?"

"It's agonizing...that's why I have a high pain tolerance...but it still hurts...the guilt...the memories...just my entire LIFE...causes me horrible, intolerable pain..." Winry bit her lip and let the tears fall. She swore her heart stopped when she heard his say, nearly silent. "...I want to die..." Winry jerked and grabbed his legs, swinging him around so she could look him in the eyes.

"What?" Edward finally looked her in the eyes, Winry wanting to cry at the soulless, empty look to them.

"...I know you heard me..." Winry bit her lip and hugged him tight.

"Why!" She cried, not wanting to believe it, she couldn't, it would kill her. "No...you're lying...!"

"I'm not. I want to die, Winry..." Winry gripped him as hard as she could,

"You're stronger than-"

"I'm not strong at all, Winry...I'm really not."

"What could cause you to...?"

"I won't tell you...you could never comprehend it..."


chapter one R&R Thx!