A/N: Umm... having a bad day, so this story just came out. It's a bit of how I'm currently feeling, so yeeeeah. I hope you enjoy it and please review.

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note nor the song "Creep" by Radiohead


I wish I was special.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here.

'Yeah, that's how I feel.' Mello thought to himself as he sat alone in the cafeteria, listening to his cheap little MP3 player that all the orphans got for Christmas last year. He had a Criminal Psychology book open on one side of his plate of scrambled eggs and 2 pancakes, both of which laid untouched. Today he decided to just observe everyone, even though it pained him a lot to do that. Everyone had their own little group to spend the time with, even that freak Near, while Mello just sat alone in his usual table at the back of the cafeteria, near a large window. Normally Mello would just pull out a book and pretend that he was too busy studying to be bothered by anyone, but the truth was, even if he had a large double chocolate German cake up for grabs at his table, no one would even spare him a glance.

Mello placed an elbow on the table and his chin in his hand as he continued to observe the kids. This was a really small orphanage, wait. Should it even be called an orphanage? It's not like they could get adopted out, so they basically were all adopted by Mr. Wammy. We'll just call it an institute. Well, this institute was really small, honestly, how many orphan geniuses do you see in one life time? So everyone knew each other and if you weren't with some crowd at an early age, then there was just no hope for you to ever get in with any group, no matter how nice you were, and Mello was nice… when he needed to be. It wasn't like he was pushing people away, he really did want friends, but when he was younger and in the top position, he felt that no one was good enough, so he didn't try to keep any of his friends. Boy, did he regret it now.

As he watched the small groups of chattering children he noticed that even though they were all seated in different tables and generally kept away from each other, they were all the same. They had their leader, the one that everyone in the group liked. Next to the leader was their best friend, or so it would seem. Then you had a few other people that kissed ass to try to get in good with the leader, for reasons that Mello would never understand. And lastly, there was always the outcast of the group, quiet and seemingly out of place, but accepted nonetheless, something that Mello didn't have in any of those groups. Near was the outcast of his group, well, it was Linda's group, but either way, he was wanted, so why wasn't Mello?

There was a loud roar in Mello's ear, causing him to jump a bit. He had forgotten that he still had his MP3 player playing. He stop for a moment of observing the kids to change the song. Feeling rather masochistic today, he decided to put "Creep" the Scarling version on replay. He really liked the girls voice, so it wasn't all bad. When Mello looked back up his noticed a boy with brilliant red hair walking out of the food line, carrying a tray of the same thing that Mello was eating. The blond's heart skipped a beat at the sight of the other boy. "Matt" He whispered softly to himself.

Matt was the third smartest kid in Wammy's House and, just like Mello, he was a complete loner. It wasn't always like that though, they used to be the best of friends. Always making each other feel special and wanted. But somehow, as time went by and things were being exposed, they started to grow apart. Mello didn't know if Matt simply didn't want to hang around with him anymore, or if he was scared away by Mello's feelings toward him. Whatever the case was, Mello missed him so much. Not for the sake of having his crush near by, no, it was because of that special friendship that Matt gave him.

Ooh how Mello longed to be back in Matt's life, but it seemed impossible. It has just been too many years. 3 to be exact. He sighed, trying to hold back the tears. No one was supposed to see that, even at 14, Mello still cried. "I wish I was special, you're so fucking special." Mello sang softly along to the song. 'Maybe then you'll notice how much I'm hurting without you.' The blond kept watching Matt, who had just finished his breakfast and was now playing the Gameboy that Mello had bought him a few years ago. That made Mello smile just a bit. To know that he still played with something that Mello bought him, made him feel just a tiny bit special.

Mello was suddenly tired of playing this stupid game. He yanked out the headphone from his ears and turned off his MP3 player, before getting up to quickly throw his food away. He stopped at the trash can, taking in a deep calming breath. He needed to do this, and he needed to do it now! 'I don't care if it hurts. I want to have control.' Mello sang in his head as he walked toward Matt. He stood in front of the boy, who looked up when he sensed that someone was there.

"Hi."


A/N: Please review. Creative Criticism much appreciated.